Why does Santa have 3 gardens? 
So he can ho-ho-ho

Why was Santa’s little helper depressed? 
Because he had low elf esteem

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? 
Frostbite

Knock Knock 
Who’s there? 
Holly 
Holly who? 
Holly-days are here again! 

One Liner

You know you are getting old when Santa starts looking younger. 

What did the guest sing at the Eskimo Christmas Party? 
Freeze a jolly good fellow

What did Adam say on the day before Christmas? 
It’s Christmas, Eve! 

If athletes get athlete’s foot, what do astronauts get? 
Missletoe

If Santa Claus and Mrs. Claus had a child, what would he be called? 
A subordinate claus

What do you have in December that you don’t have in any other month? 
The letter “D”

How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas? 
Fleece Navidad

What do you get if you deep fry Santa Claus? 
Crisp Cringle

Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? 
You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit

What do you get if you cross an apple with a Christmas Tree? 
A pineapple

You are cordially invited to
A BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION!

Guest of Honor: Jesus Christ

Date: Traditionally, December 25, but He’s always around, so the date is flexible…

Time: Whenever you’re ready.

Place: In your heart…He’ll meet you there. (You’ll hear Him knock.)

Attire: Come as you are…grubbies are just fine. [We all came that way!] He’ll be washing our clothes anyway. He said something about new, white robes and crowns…

Tickets: Admission is free. He’s already paid for everyone. He says you wouldn’t be able to afford it anyway. It cost Him everything He had.

Refreshments: New wine, bread, and a cool drink He calls “Living Water,” followed by a supper that promises to be out of this world!

Gift Suggestions: Your life. He’s one of those people who already has everything. (He’s very generous in return though. Just wait until you see what He has for you!)

Entertainment: Unconditional Love, Priceless Grace, Wild Abandon, Real Life, Communion with God, Forgiveness, Healing, Fascinating Mystery, Childlike Joy, Uncommon Passion, and much more! (All “G” rated, so bring your family and friends.)

R.S.V.P. He needs to know ahead of time so He can reserve a spot for you at the table. He’ll enter your name in the “Lamb’s Book of Life.”

One Liner

Christmas gift suggestions: To your enemy, forgiveness. To an opponent, tolerance. To a friend, your heart. To a customer, service. To all, charity. To every child, a good example. To yourself, respect.

Christmas was fast approaching. Mom reminded her 8-year-old that he would soon be visiting with Santa Claus. He seemed unusually resistant to the idea. So she asked, “You do believe in Santa, don’t you?”

He thought hard, then said, “Yes, but I think this is the last year.”

One Liner

One snowman said to the other, “All our friends are flakes.”

I used my best shower singing voice and did an audition try out to become a member of the local Christmas choir.

After the audition, I asked the director how I did. He said, “You sounded fine! I will have you sing a solo.”

“You mean…by myself right up front,” I asked?

“No,” he said, “I mean you should sing so low that we can’t hear you.”

One Liner

Knock, knock! Who’s there? Olive. Olive who? Olive Christmastime, don’t you?