While my third-grade class was completing a writing exercise, one of the students asked me how to spell “piranha.”
I told him I was unsure. To my delight, he went to the dictionary to solve his problem.
That’s when I overheard another pupil say to him, “Why bother to look it up? She doesn’t know how to spell it anyway.”
One Liner
When a kid says, Daddy, I want Mommy, thats the kid version of, I want to see your supervisor.
The flight home from a recent business trip was pretty empty. So the pilot made a simple request of the passengers.
“We have a little extra room tonight, folks,” he said over the PA system. “So if you wouldn’t mind, please take a window seat so the competition thinks the plane is full.”
One Liner
What state has a LOT of dirty laundry? Washington.
JOY IN THE JOURNEY
In a remote village in Central America the word got out among the peoples of the region that one of the American missionaries that had served this country for many years was about to return to the US to live our the remaining years of her life.
The nationals desired to honor her for her years of service with a public time of appreciation. News of the event went to all parts of the country in which the missionary was known to the people. One very old and very poor man walked to the ceremony over mountainous terrain for 4 days to bring his gift to the missionary.
The gift consisted of 2 coconuts, but it was all the man had. The missionary recognized the man as coming from the remote village in the mountains.
“Brother, I cannot believe that you would walk so far to present me with this gift,” said the missionary to the man.
His response?
“Long walk part of gift.”
One Liner
Joy is contagious. Commit to being a carrier.
I received another letter from the electric company yesterday.
It had “Final Notice” written on the envelope.
Good.
They won’t be bothering me anymore.
One Liner
A chrysanthemum by any other name would be much easier to spell.
At a naval barracks the enlisted men were being given their shots prior to going overseas. One lad, having received his whole series of injections, asked for a glass of water.
“What’s the matter?” asked the hospital corpsman. “Do you feel light-headed?”
“No, just checking to see if I’m still watertight.”
One Liner
The older you get the better you get. Unless youre a banana.
Store owner: “Thank you for your patronage. I wish I had twenty customers like you.”
Customer: “Gosh, it’s nice to hear that, but I’m kind of surprised. You know that I argue every bill and always pay late.”
Store owner: “I’d still like twenty customers like you. The problem is, I have two hundred.”
One Liner
Accordion? That’s just a bagpipe with pleats.
A man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a town he planned to visit on his holiday.
He wrote: I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well-groomed and very well-behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?
An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who wrote: Sir, I’ve been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I’ve never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I’ve never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I’ve never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if your dog will vouch for you, you’re welcome to stay here, too.
One Liner
I just read that 4,153,237 people got married last year. Not to cause alarm or worry, but shouldn’t that be an even number?
A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across the middle of the road. He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the car.
The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulls over and gets out to see what has become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit is the Easter Bunny, and he is DEAD.
The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry. A woman driving down the highway sees a man crying on the side of the road and pulls over. She steps out of the car and asks the man what’s wrong.
“I feel terrible,” he explains, “I accidentally hit the Easter Bunny with my car and KILLED HIM.”
The woman says, “Don’t worry.” She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can. She walks over to the limp, dead Easter Bunny, bends down, and sprays the contents on to him. The Easter Bunny jumps up, waves its paw at the two of them and hops off down the road!
Ten feet away he stops, turns around and waves again, he hops down the road another 10 feet, turns and waves, hops another ten feet, turns and waves, and repeats this again and again and again and again, until he hops out of sight.
The man is astonished. He runs over to the woman and demands, “What is in that can? What did you spray on the Easter Bunny?”
The woman turns the can around so that the man can read the label: “Hair Spray: Restores life to dead hair, and adds permanent wave.”
One Liner
Money talks, but all mine ever says is, “Good-bye.”
mikeshumor 