Woman Misses Husband’s Funeral


There is a huge rivalry in college basketball between the University of Louisville and the University of Kentucky. The story is told that at one of the games between the two schools, an elderly woman was sitting alone with an empty seat next to her. Someone approached her and said, “Ma’am, I have rarely seen an empty seat in Rupp Arena, let alone at a game between these two teams. Whose seat is this?” 

The woman responded that she and her late husband had been season-ticket holders for 28 years, and the seat had belonged to him. 

”Well, couldn’t you find a friend or relative to come to the game with you?” the observer asked. 

”Are you kidding?” she replied. “They’re all at my husband’s funeral.”

One LINER

Q: What do you get if you drop a piano down a mine shaft? A: A flat minor.

Thought for the day
John1:38-39 NLT
 Jesus looked around and saw them following. “What do you want?” he asked them.
  They replied, “Rabbi” (which means “Teacher”), “where are you staying?”
  “Come and see,”
One of life’s BIG questions – “What do you want?  Come and see” …..  are we inviting people to Jesus daily?

Things a true Southerner knows:
– The difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit.
– Pretty much how many fish make up a mess.
– What general direction cattywumpus is.
– That “gimme sugar” don’t mean pass the sugar.
– When somebody’s “fixin” to do something, it won’t be long.
– Ain’t nobody’s biscuits like Grandma’s biscuits!!
– A good dog is worth its weight in gold.
– Real gravy don’t come from the store.
– When “by and by” is.
– Never to assume that the other car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.
– A belt serves a greater purpose than holding Daddy’s pants up.
– Rocking chairs and swings are guaranteed stress relievers.
– Rocking chairs and swings with an old person in them are history lessons.

One Liner
Vision without provision leads to frustration.” ~ Anonymous

Thought for the day
Gratitude is one of the most important aspects in your walk with God. When we think about the gospel of Jesus Christ we should be grateful!! 

BEING THANKFUL
A Rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy, ‘So your mother says your prayers for you each night? That’s very commendable. What does she say?’ The little boy replied, ‘Thank God he’s in bed!’

One Liner
“Provision for others is a fundamental responsibility of human life.”
Woodrow Wilson

Thought for the day
“Give freely and spontaneously. Don’t have a stingy heart. The way you handle matters like this triggers God’s blessing in everything you do, in all your work and ventures.” Deuteronomy 15:10 (MSG)

God is a generous God. Everything you have in life is because God gave it to you. It’s a gift. It’s God’s generosity. God wants us to follow his example. He wants us to create a spiritual legacy of generosity. We do this by learning to be a giver, not a taker.

A new parachutist had just jumped from the plane at 10,000 feet, and soon discovered that all his lines were hopelessly tangled.

At about 5,000 feet, still struggling, he noticed someone coming up from the ground at about the same speed as he was going towards the ground. As they passed each other at 3,000 feet, the ‘chutist yells, “HEY! DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT PARACHUTES?”

The reply came, fading towards the end, “NO! DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT PROPANE STOVES?”

One LINER  
Caller to computer help line: “I deleted a file from my PC last week and I just realized that I need it. So, if I turn my system clock back two weeks will I get my file back again?”

Thought for the DAY

John1:38-39 NLT
Jesus looked around and saw them following. “What do you want?” he asked them.
  They replied, “Rabbi” (which means “Teacher”), “where are you staying?”
  “Come and see,”

One of life’s BIG questions – “What do you want?  Come and see” …..  are we inviting people to Jesus daily?

A lady was visiting a church one Sunday. The sermon seemed to go on forever, and many in the congregation fell asleep.

After the service, she walked up to a very sleepy-looking gentleman, extended her hand in greeting, and said, “Hello, I’m Gladys Dunn.”

The gentleman replied, “You’re not the only one ma’am, I’m glad he’s done, too!”

One Liner
Skill is successfully walking a tightrope over Niagara Falls. Common Sense is not trying.

Thought for the day
Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone. Colossians 4:6

Most friction in life is caused by the tone of the voice.

I was having dinner at a nice restaurant the other night. The couple at the next table were smooching from the moment they sat down. Oh how romantic, young love!

But I couldn’t figure out what was going on at their table after the food came. Every time the young man would take a bite, he would jump up and give the girl such a big hug that she would squeal loudly! This bizarre behavior continued about 10 times – he took a bite, gave her a big hug, she squealed….very strange. Everyone was looking!!

When my waiter came by I mentioned the ‘entertainment’ and he said “Oh, we have that all the time in here. You see, that man ordered the Seize Her Salad.”

One LINER
Caller to computer help line: “I deleted a file from my PC last week and I just realized that I need it. So, if I turn my system clock back two weeks will I get my file back again?”

Thought for the day
John1:38-39 NLT
 Jesus looked around and saw them following. “What do you want?” he asked them.
  They replied, “Rabbi” (which means “Teacher”), “where are you staying?”
  “Come and see,”

One of life’s BIG questions – “What do you want?  Come and see” …..  are we inviting people to Jesus daily?

“If you’ll make the toast and pour the juice, Sweetheart,” said the newlywed bride, “breakfast will be ready.”

“Good, what are we having for breakfast?” asked the new husband.

“Toast and juice,” she replied.

One Liner
Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder or camera phone these days that no one talks about seeing UFOs like they use to?

Thought for the day
“Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.” Matthew 5:5 (NIV)

Jesus teaches us that real power is found in one of the strangest, most unexpected places. Real power is found in meekness. When we talk about meekness, or gentleness, we tend to think of something sweet and gentle like a lamb or a baby. But, in God’s dictionary, meek does not mean weak. It means “power under control.”  God wants to do in your life. He wants to take the power you have in your words, emotions and drive, and put it under control.

Light on 


Late one night, a man walks into a dentist’s office.
Man: “Excuse me, can you help me? I keep thinking I’m a moth!”
Dentist: “You don’t need a dentist. You need a psychiatrist.”
Man: “Yes, I know.”
Dentist: “So why did you come in here?”
Man: “Well … the light was on…”

One LINER 

Sometimes we can get so busy in life that we can forget the direction we’re going. Like the pilot in World War II flying over the Pacific, he radioed back, “I have absolutely no idea where I’m going. I’m lost. But I’m making record time.”

Thought for the day
“All of us must quickly carry out the tasks assigned us by the one who sent me, because there is little time left before the night falls and all work comes to an end.” John 9:4 (NLT)

Your destiny has eternal significance. And it will impact the eternal destiny of other people, so it’s more important than any job, achievement, or goal you will reach during your life on earth.

“If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into Heaven?” I asked the children in my Sunday School class.

“NO!” the children all answered.

“If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?”

Again, the answer was, “NO!”

“Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children, and loved my wife, would that get me into Heaven?” I asked them again.

Again, they all answered, “NO!”

“Well, I continued, “then how can I get into Heaven?” 
 
A five-year-old boy shouted out, “YOU GOTTA be dead!”
 

One LINER 

I just read that YouTube, Twitter, and Facebook are merging. It’ll be called You-Twit-Face.

Thought for the day
“If we live in the light, as God is in the light, we can share fellowship with each other .… If we say we have no sin, we are fooling ourselves” (1 John 1:7-8, NCV).

The world thinks intimacy occurs in the dark, but God says it happens in the light. We tend to use darkness to hide our hurts, faults, fears, failures, and flaws. But in the light, we bring them all out into the open and admit who we really are.