A football coach was asked how he picked a team from a bunch of raw recruits.

“I hate to give away my secrets,” he replied, “but I’ll tell you. I take them out into the woods. Then, at a given signal, I start them running.

Those that run around the trees are chosen as guards. Those that run into the trees are chosen as tackles.”

One Liner
If you can still do at 60 what you did at 20, it means you weren’t doing much at 20.”

Thought for the day
Stop making excuses. “The lazy man is full of excuses” (Proverbs 22:13 LB). What have you been saying you’re going to do “one of these days”? What do you make excuses about? The number one excuse I hear is, “When things settle down, then I’m going to …” Things will never settle down. You must make a choice to prioritize what is important.

Woman Misses Husband’s Funeral

There is a huge rivalry in college basketball between the University of Louisville and the University of Kentucky. The story is told that at one of the games between the two schools, an elderly woman was sitting alone with an empty seat next to her. Someone approached her and said, “Ma’am, I have rarely seen an empty seat in Rupp Arena, let alone at a game between these two teams. Whose seat is this?” 

The woman responded that she and her late husband had been season-ticket holders for 28 years, and the seat had belonged to him. 

”Well, couldn’t you find a friend or relative to come to the game with you?” the observer asked. 

”Are you kidding?” she replied. “They’re all at my husband’s funeral.”

One LINER

Q: What do you get if you drop a piano down a mine shaft? A: A flat minor.

thought for the day
“Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” Philippians 1:6

We humans are great starters but often bad finishers. We leave unfinished symphonies, unfinished buildings, unfinished books, unfinished projects. We may not always finish what we start, but God always finishes what he starts.

I was having dinner at a nice restaurant the other night. The couple at the next table were smooching from the moment they sat down. Oh how romantic, young love!

But I couldn’t figure out what was going on at their table after the food came. Every time the young man would take a bite, he would jump up and give the girl such a big hug that she would squeal loudly! This bizarre behavior continued about 10 times – he took a bite, gave her a big hug, she squealed….very strange. Everyone was looking!!

When my waiter came by I mentioned the ‘entertainment’ and he said “Oh, we have that all the time in here. You see, that man ordered the Seize Her Salad.”

One LINER
Caller to computer help line: “I deleted a file from my PC last week and I just realized that I need it. So, if I turn my system clock back two weeks will I get my file back again?”

eWORD of the DAY
John1:38-39 NLT 
Jesus looked around and saw them following. “What do you want?” he asked them.
  They replied, “Rabbi” (which means “Teacher”), “where are you staying?”
  “Come and see,”

A Clever Food Valentine

Cabbage always has a heart;
Green beans string along.
You’re such a Tomato,
Will you Peas to me belong?
You’ve been the Apple of my eye,
You know how much I care;
So Lettuce get together,
We’d make a perfect Pear.

Now, something’s sure to Turnip,
To prove you can’t be Beet;
So, if you Carrot all for me
Let’s let our tulips meet.

Don’t Squash my hopes and dreams now,
Bee my Honey, dear;
Or tears will fill Potato’s eyes,
While Sweet Corn lends an ear.

I’ll Cauliflower shop and say
Your dreams are Parsley mine.
I’ll work and share my Celery,
So be my valentine.

I just love to do special things for my wife on Valentine’s day! Simple things like:

– Open the door for her when she puts all the laundry in the washing machine,
– Plug and unplug the vacuum as she moves from room to room cleaning.

Guys, it’s these little thoughtful things you can do to have a marriage such as mine!

One Liner
Coffee’s a great way to fool yourself into believing you’re going to have a productive day

Thought for the day
 “If you continue in My word, then you are truly disciples of Mine” (John 8:31 NASB). It’s the long-term commitment to learning from Jesus and his Word that makes us his disciples.

Did you hear about the two radio antennas that got married on Valentines Day?

The wedding was terrible, but the reception was excellent!

One Liner

“We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year’s Day.”

– Edith Lovejoy Pierce

Thought for the day

Romans 12:3 says, “Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you” (NIV).

VALENTINE’S DAY HOOK-UPS

– If Yoko Ono married Sonny Bono, she’d be Yoko Ono Bono.

– If Dolly Parton married Salvador Dali, she’d be Dolly Dali.

– If Oprah Winfrey married Depak Chopra, she’d be Oprah Chopra.

– If Olivia Newton-John married Wayne Newton, then divorced him to marry Elton John, she’d be Olivia Newton-John Newton John.

– If Sondra Locke married Elliott Ness, then divorced him to marry Herman Munster, she’d become Sondra Locke Ness Munster.

– If Bea Arthur married Sting, she’d be Bea Sting.

– If Snoop Doggy Dogg married Winnie the Pooh, he’d be Snoop Doggy Dogg Pooh.

– How about a baseball marriage? If Boog Powell married Felipe Alou, he’d be Boog Alou.

– If Ivana Trump married, in succession, Orson Bean (actor), King Oscar (of Norway), Louis B. Mayer (of MGM), and Norbert Wiener (mathematician), she would then be Ivana Bean Oscar Mayer Wiener.

One Liner 
If Woody Allen married Natalie Wood, divorced her and married Gregory Peck, divorced him and married Ben Hur, he’d be Woody Wood Peck Hur.

Thought for the day
James tells us, “If you know people who have wandered off from God’s truth, don’t write them off. Go after them. Get them back” (James 5:19 MSG).

A related benefit of a local church is that it also provides the spiritual protection of godly leaders. God gives the shepherd leader the responsibility to guard, protect, defend, and care for the spiritual welfare of his flock.

We are told, “Their work is to watch over your souls, and they know they are accountable to God” (Hebrews 13:17 NLT).

Satan loves detached believers, unplugged from the life of the Body, isolated from God’s family, and unaccountable to spiritual leaders — because he knows they are defenseless and powerless against his tactics.