Monthly Archives: March 2015

Humor – March 24

Six-year old Angie, and her four-year old brother, Joel, were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang and talked out loud. Finally, his big sister had had enough. “You’re not supposed to talk out loud in church.” “Why? Who’s going to stop me?” Joel asked. Angie pointed to the

back of the church and said, “See those two men standing by the door?

They’re hushers.”

One Liner
“You can be on the right track and still get hit by a train!”

Thought for the day
God tells us in his Word that life is meant to be enjoyed, not just endured. “A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones” (Proverbs 17:22 NIV). I like to put it this way: “He who laughs, lasts.” Learn to laugh at yourself, put some play in every day, relax, chill out, and have some fun.

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Humor – March 23

A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, looking at the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out of the Bible. He picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that has been pressed in between the pages. “Mama, look what I found,” the boy called out. “What have you got there, dear?” his mother asked.

With astonishment in the young boy’s voice he answered, “It’s Adam’s suit.”

One LINER
Paul Bear Bryant stated, “If anything goes wrong. I did it! If anything goes half way right. We did it! If anything goes good. You did it.”

Thought for the day
Since everything around us is going to melt away, what holy, godly lives you should be living! (2 Peter 3:11 LB)

Your commitments can develop you, or they can destroy you, but either way, they will define you. Tell me what you’re committed to, and I’ll tell you what you’ll be in twenty years.

As believers, we should be defined by godly, loving commitments. If we want to become more like Jesus, then we need to commit to the same things he did.

 

Humor – March 20

A policeman arrives at the scene of an accident, in which a car smashed into a tree.

The officer rushes over to the vehicle and asks the driver, “Are you seriously hurt?”

“How do I know?” the driver responds. “I’m not a lawyer.”

One Liner
“A hypocrite is someone who complains that there is too much sex and violence on his DVD.”

Thought for the day
“Christ is not one of many ways to approach God, nor is he the best of several ways; he is the only way.” – A. W. Tozer

Humor – March 19

Two men working in a factory were talking. “I know how to get some time off,” said one.

“How are you going to do that?”

“Watch,” he said, and climbed up on a rafter. The foreman asked what he was doing up there, and the man replied. “I’m a light bulb.”

“I think you need some time off,” the foreman said, and the first man walked out of the factory. After a moment, the second man followed him.

“Where do you think you’re going?” the foreman shouted.

“Well you don’t expect me to work in the dark, do you?” he said.

One Liner
Life is 10% what you make it and 90% how you take it.

Thought for the day
“Think of the last thing you prayed about–were you devoted to your desire or to God? Determined to get some gift of the Spirit or to get at God? “Your Father knows what you need before you ask him.” The point of asking is that you may get to know God better. “Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.” Keep praying in order to get a perfect understanding of God Himself.” – Oswald Chambers

Humor – March 18

I’m a high-school geometry teacher, and I started one lesson on triangles by reading a theorem. “If an angle is an exterior angle of a triangle, then its measure is greater than the measure of either of its corresponding remote interior angles.”

I noticed that one student wasn’t taking notes and asked him why.

“Well,” he replied sincerely, “I’m waiting until you start speaking English.”

One Liner
I’ve learned that a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.

Thought for the day
You gain delight in God. “You will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand” (Psalm 16:11 NLT).Spending time with God will actually make you happier. Your quiet time is when you enjoy God. Knowing God is the secret to joy.