This is a story about a little girl who, on the way home from church, turned to her mother and said, “Mommy, the Preacher’s sermon this morning confused me.”

The mother said, “Oh! Why is that?”

The girl replied, “Well, he said that God is bigger than we are. Is that true?”

“Yes, that’s true,” the mother replied.

“He also said that God lives within us. Is that true, too?”

Again the mother replied, “Yes.”

“Well,” said the girl. “If God is bigger than us and He lives in us, wouldn’t He show through?”

One Liner
Keep the faith…but not from others!

Thought for the day
“One hundred religious persons knit into a unity by careful organization do not constitute a church any more than eleven dead men make a football team.” – A. W. Tozer

DOCTOR FUNNY #1

After the doctor gave the patient his diagnosis, the patient asked, “Can I have a second opinion?”

The doctor replied, “Sure. Come back tomorrow.”

DOCTOR FUNNY #2

Two kids were deciding what game to play. One said, “Let’s play doctor.”

“Good idea,” said the other. “You operate, and I’ll sue.”

One Liner
Reason to smile: Every seven minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.

Thought for the day
So whatever you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God” (1 Corinthians 10:31 NIV). It doesn’t matter if you’re rearranging papers or signing bills; any job can become an act of worship if you do it enthusiastically for God.

Two small boys, not yet old enough to be in school, were overheard talking at the zoo one day. “My name is Billy. What’s yours?” asked the first boy.

“Tommy,” replied the second.

“My daddy’s an accountant. What does your daddy do for a living?” asked Billy.

Tommy replied, “My daddy’s a lawyer.”

“Honest?” asked Billy.

“No, just the regular kind,” replied Tommy.

One Liner
I had to quit my job crushing soft drink cans. It was soda pressing.

Thought for the day
When you turn your work into worship, you start storing up credits in Heaven. Colossians 3:24 says, “Remember that the Lord will give you an inheritance as your reward, and the Master you are serving is Christ.” As you work for God, you are making eternal deposits in Heaven.

To Err is Human; To Forgive, Divine.

To err is human; to purr, feline.

To err is human; two curs, canine.

To err is human; to do nothing, benign.

To err is human; to quit, resign.

To err is human; to howl, lupine.

To err is human; to solve, design.

To err is human; to fart, asinine.

To err is human; to moo, bovine.

To err is human; to soothe, calomine.

To err is human; to pretend, pantomime.

To err is human; to bloom, columbine.

To err is human; to prance, equine.

To err is human; to add, combine.

To err is human; to befriend, pal o’ mine.

To err is human; to woo, Valentine.

To err is human; to horrify, Frankenstein.

To err is human; to straighten, align.

To err is human; to drown, Clementine.

To err is human; to twist, serpentine.

To err is human; to love, sublime.

To err is human; to cut in, go back in line!

One Liner
Old is what my classmates look like.

Thought for the day
The Bible has flourished in spite of unrelenting attacks during the past 2,000 years. Jesus said in Matthew 24:35, “Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away”(NIV). The only item on the planet that will last is the Word of God. Everything else will burn up, because truth is eternal.

Kathy walks into the kitchen and sees Rachel with the whole box of animal crackers spread out on the counter top.

Kathy: “Why did you pour out the whole box?”

Rachel: “The box says, ‘Do not eat if the seal is broken.’ I’m looking for the seal.”

One Liner
In theory, everything works.

Thought for the day
“We’re depending on God; he’s everything we need. What’s more, our hearts brim with joy since we’ve taken for our own his holy name. Love us, God, with all you’ve got — that’s what we’re depending on.” (Psalm 33:20-22 MSG)

Joy is the settled assurance that God is in control of all the details of my life, the quiet confidence that ultimately everything is going to be alright, and the determined choice to praise God in every situation.

WIFE’S DIARY:

Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn’t flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn’t say much.

I asked him what was wrong; He said, “Nothing…” I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn’t upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can’t explain his behavior. I don’t know why he didn’t say, “I love you, too.”

When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep; I cried. I don’t know what to do. I’m almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

HUSBAND’S DIARY:

A two-foot putt … WHO misses a stupid two-foot putt!

One Liner
The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it’s just sort of a tired feeling.

Thought for the day
“If you … know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!” (Matthew 7:11 NIV)

God is the source of everything. Everything you see in the world and everything you can’t see in the world and in the universe, God made. He’s the source of every good thing in the universe.

Two hunters got lost in the woods. The first hunter said, “Don’t worry. All we have to do is shoot into the air three times, stay where we are, and someone will find us.”

So they shot in the air three times, but no one came. After a while, they tried it again; still no response.

Finally the second hunter said, “I suppose we can try again, but it better work this time. We’re down to our last three arrows.”

One Liner
“Be different: conform.”

Thought for the day
You can’t succeed in life until you change your attitude about the work you are doing right now. Romans 12:11 says, “Never be lazy, but work hard and serve the Lord enthusiastically” (NLT).

WHY DOGS CAN’T USE COMPUTERS

He’s distracted by cats chasing his mouse.

SIT and STAY were hard enough; CUT and PASTE are out of the question.

Three words: carpal paw syndrome.

Involuntary tail wagging is a dead give-away that he’s browsing http://www.alpo.com instead of working.

The fire hydrant icon is simply too frustrating.

He can’t help attacking the screen when he hears “You’ve Got Mail.”

It’s too messy to “mark” every website he visits.

He can’t stick his head out of Windows 7.

One Liner
I am a bomb squad technician. If you see me running, try to keep up.

Thought for the day
Your attitude determines your joy. “The diligent find freedom in their work; the lazy are oppressed by work” (Proverbs 12:24 MSG).