A couple air-heads from warmer climes loved to fish, so they wanted to try ice fishing.

They’d took off up to Canada and found a nice, big frozen lake with a little bait shop nearby where they got all their tackle – including a sturdy ice pick.

About an hour later, one of them was back at the shop and bought another ice pick. In another hour the air-head was back, and said, “We’re going to need all the ice picks you got.”

The bait man said, “Well, OK — How are you doing out there?”

“Not very well at all,” said the air-head. “We don’t even have the boat in the water yet.”

One Liner
“Actions speak louder then words, So believe what you see and forget what you heard.”

Thought for the day
“The purpose of tithing is to teach you to always put God first in your lives.” Deuteronomy 14:23 (TLB)

Tithing is the spiritual habit of giving back to God the first 10 percent of all I make.

My Sunday school class of kindergartners was studying the creation story. After several weeks, we were ready to review.

“What did God make the first day?” I quizzed. “The second day?” They answered both questions correctly.

“And what happened on the third day?” I asked.

One little child, face shining with enthusiasm, exclaimed, “He rose from the dead!”

One Liner
We telemarketers know we’re universally loathed. Still, some people are quite pleasant on the phone.

Thought for the day
A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another. John13:34 (NIV)

Each of us has a life message that God wants us to share with the world. Sharing the message is part of our life’s mission. When we share that message with other people, it’s called witnessing.

For the first few months of her co-op job for the state of Georgia, my sister had nothing to do, so she surfed the Web or did crossword puzzles. One day she expressed her boredom to a co-worker.

“I know,” she complained. “Everyone thinks state workers have it easy. But there’s only so much you can pretend you’re doing.”

One Liner
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on my list.

Thought for the day
“The Bible is to be read as if written expressly for you.” – A. B. Simpson

Hymns for Everyone

The Dentist’s Hymn: Crown Him With Many Crowns
The Weatherman’s Hymn: There Shall Be Showers of Blessing
The Contractor’s Hymn: The Church’s One Foundation
The Tailor’s Hymn: Holy, Holy, Holy
The Golfer’s Hymn: There is A Green Hill Far Away
The Politician’s Hymn: Standing on the Promises
The Optometrist’s Hymn: Open My Eyes That I Might See
The IRS Agent’s Hymn: I Surrender All
The Gossip’s Hymn: Pass It On
The Electrician’s Hymn: Send the Light
The Shopper’s Hymn: Sweet By and By
The Realtor’s Hymn: I’ve Got A Mansion Just Over the Hilltop
The Pilot’s Hymn: I’ll Fly Away
The Paramedic’s Hymn: Revive Us Again
The Judge’s Hymn: Almost Persuaded
The Architect’s Hymn: How Firm A Foundation
The Telemarketer’s Hymn: A Charge To Keep I Have
The Postal Worker’s Hymn: So Send I You
The Waiter’s Hymn: Fill My Cup, Lord
The Gardener’s Hymn: Lo, How A Rose E’er Blooming
The Lifeguard’s Hymn: Rescue the Perishing
The Criminal’s Hymn: Search Me, O God
The Baker’s Hymn: When the Roll Is Called Up Yonder
The Shoe Repairer’s Hymn: It Is Well With My Soul
The Travel Agent’s Hymn: Anywhere With Jesus
The Geologist’s Hymn: Rock of Ages
The Hematologist’s Hymn: Are You Washed in the Blood?
The Men’s Wear Clerk’s Hymn: Blest Be the Tie
The Umpire’s Hymn: I Need No Other Argument
The Librarian’s Hymn: Whispering Hope

Thought for the day
“If I obey Jesus Christ in the seemingly random circumstances of life, they become pinholes through which I see the face of God. The redemption of God will flow through me to the lives of others, because behind the deed of obedience is the reality of Almighty God.” – Oswald Chambers

My five-year-old son squealed with delight when he opened his birthday present from his grandmother. It was a water pistol. He promptly ran to the sink to fill it.

“Mom,” I said. “I’m surprised at you. Don’t you remember how we used to drive you crazy with water pistols?”

My mom smiled and said, “Yes, I remember.”

One Liner
Dentist: Don’t worry. I’m painless.
Patient: But I’m not!

Thought for the day
“God is there to meet you in the center of all your trials, and to whisper His secrets, which will make you come forth with a shining face and an indomitable faith that all the demons of hell shall never afterwards cause to waver.” – E. A. Kilbourne

America declared complete freedom from Great Britain on July 4, 1776, putting the Declaration of Independence into place.The “Committee of Five” presented the document to the Continental Congress in June of 1776.

After much debate and revision of the wording, Congress approved it on July 4th.  John Adams (a member of the Committee) urged this monumental day for America be commemorated as the “day of deliverance” and celebrated with “pomp and parade.”

We’ve been celebrating July 4th ever since!!

Happy 4th of July!! I’m proud to be an American!!

A clergyman walking down a country lane and sees a young farmer struggling to load hay back onto a cart after it had fallen off.

“You look hot, my son,” said the cleric. “why don’t you rest a moment, and I’ll give you a hand.”

“No thanks,” said the young man.

“My father wouldn’t like it.”

“Don’t be silly,” the minister said.

“Everyone is entitled to a break. Come and have a drink of water.”

Again the young man protested that his father would be upset. Losing his patience, the clergyman said, “Your father must be a real slave driver. Tell me where I can find him and I’ll give him a piece of my mind!”

“Well,” replied the young farmer, “he’s under the load of hay.”

One Liner
Never try to outwit a woman unless you are one.

Thought for the day
“As a father is kind to his children, so the Lord is kind to those who honor him. He knows what we are made of; he remembers that we are dust.” (Psalm 103:13-14 GN)

God understands you completely. He’s fully aware of your humanity. He knows what makes you tick. He knows your faults, your fears, your failures, and your frustrations. He doesn’t expect you to be Superman or Superwoman.