Monthly Archives: November 2015

Humor – November 24

Thanksgiving day was approaching, and the family received a Thanksgiving card with a painting of a pilgrim family on their way to church.

Grandma showed the card to her small grandchildren, observing, “The Pilgrim children liked to go to church with their mothers and fathers.”

“Oh yeah?” her young grandson replied. “So why is their dad carrying that rifle?”

One Liner
Someone showed me how static electricity worked today. I was shocked

Thought for the day
“Give God all your worries and all your cares for he is always thinking about you watching everything that concerns you” (1 Peter 5:7).

Whatever concerns you, concerns God. Whatever you’re worried about, whatever you’re afraid of, whatever keeps you up at night, whatever gets your attention, gets God’s attention. No one will care more about your life, so why not give him your life to care about?

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Humor – November 23

You Are Probably Overdoing Thanksgiving If…

* You spill more food on you than the local soup kitchen dispenses.
* Paramedics bring in the Jaws of Life to pry you out of the Lazy Boy.
* The gravy boat your wife set out was a real 12′ boat!
* The potatoes you used set off another famine in Ireland.
* You receive a Sumo Wrestler application in your e-mail.
* You set off an earthquake seismograph on your morning jog on Friday.
* Pricking your finger for cholesterol screening only yielded gravy.
* You have 5 TV sets all side-by-side to catch all 5 football games.
* Representatives from the Butterball Hall of Fame called twice.
* Your arms have gotten too short to tie your shoes.

One Liner
“Thanksgiving was never meant to be shut up in a single day.” – Robert Caspar Lintner

Thought for the day
“For he has been mindful of the humble state of his servant.” Luke 1:48a (NIV)

No one cares more about your life than God. No man, no woman, not even you. That’s why God’s destiny is always the best. God loves you perfectly and he is always thinking about you and thinking about what is best for you.

Humor – November 20

A young executive was leaving the office late one evening when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.

“Listen,” said the CEO, “this is a very sensitive and important document here, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work?”

“Certainly,” said the young executive.

He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.

“Excellent, excellent!” said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. “I just need one copy.”

One Liner
It doesn’t matter whether you win or lose–until you lose.

Thought for the day
“So, dear brothers, you have no obligation anymore to your old sinful nature to do what it begs you to do.” Romans 8:12 (LB)

I don’t know about you, but I have to admit there were a lot of things I could not say ‘no’ to before the Holy Spirit came into my life. I wanted to say ‘no’, but I didn’t.

Humor – November 19

ARE YOU A PROFESSIONAL?

This quiz consists of four questions that tell you whether or not you are qualified to be a professional. SCROLL DOWN FOR THE ANSWERS.

There is no need to cheat. The questions are not that difficult. You just need to think like a professional.

1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
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* The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe and close the door. This question tests whether or not you are doing simple things in a complicated way.

2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
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* Incorrect answer: Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the door.
Correct answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. This question tests your foresight.

3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend except one. Which animal does not attend?
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* Correct answer: The elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator! This tests if you are capable of comprehensive thinking.

OK, if you did not answer the last three questions correctly, this one may be your last chance to test your qualifications to be a professional.

4. There is a river that is known to have many crocodiles in it. How do you cross it?
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* Correct Answer: Simply swim through it. All the crocodiles are attending the animal meeting! This question tests your reasoning ability.

So… If you answered four out of four questions correctly, you are a true professional. Wealth and success await you.

If you answered three out of four, you have some catching up to do but there’s hope for you.

If you answered two out of four, consider a career as a hamburger flipper in a fast food joint.

If you answered one out of four, try selling some of your organs. It’s the only way you will ever make any money.

If you answered none correctly, consider a career that does not require any higher mental functions at all, such as politics.

Humor – November 18

Two goobers meet on a dusty country road. One of them is carrying a big bag labeled, “chickens.”

“Chickens, eh?” says one guy. “Hey, if I guess how many chickens you got, will you give me one?”

“Heck,” says the guy with the bag, “iffin you guess right, I’ll give you both of ’em.”

The other scratches his head and guesses, “Um… five?”

One Liner
“The other day I nearly succumbed to a bout of narcissism: seriously, I just don’t know what’s come over me, me, me, me.”

Thought for the day
“Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what the nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires ….” Romans 8:5-6 (NIV)

There is a battle going on inside you between your old, sinful nature and your new nature that comes from Christ. If you want to win this battle, you’re going to have to change the way you think.