Airport security – Working as a secretary at an international airport, my sister had an office adjacent to the room where security temporarily holds suspects. One day security officers were questioning a man when they were suddenly called away on another emergency. To the horror of my sister and her colleagues, the man was left alone in the unlocked room.

After a few minutes, the door opened and he began to walk out. Summoning up her courage, one of the secretaries barked, “Get back in there, and don’t you come out until you’re told!”

The man scuttled back inside and slammed the door. When the security people returned, the women reported what had happened. Without a word, an officer walked into the room and released one very frightened telephone repairman.

One Liner
“Cosmetics are a woman’s way of keeping a man from reading between the lines.”

Thought for the day
Paul says this about the churches in Macedonia: “Though they have been going through much trouble and hard times, they have mixed their wonderful joy with their deep poverty, and the result has been an overflow of giving to others” (2 Corinthians 8:2 LB). Joy and generosity always go together.

A little girl asked her mother, “Can I go outside and play with the boys?”

Her mother replied, “No, you can’t play with the boys, they’re too rough.”

The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, “If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?”

One Liner
“A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.”

Thought for the day
“So put away all falsehood and tell your neighbor the truth because we belong to each other.” (Ephesians 4:25 NLT)

If you spent as much time being honest about what’s not right in your life as you do covering it up, you’d have a lot more energy for what is right in your life
Stressing the importance of a good vocabulary, the teacher told her young charges, “Use a word ten times, and it shall be yours for life.”

These are classified ads, which were actually placed in a U.K. newspaper:

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.

8 years old.

Hateful little dog.

Bites!

FREE PUPPIES.

1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbour’s dog.

FREE PUPPIES.

Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.

Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.

JOINING NUDIST COLONY!

Must sell washer and dryer £100.

WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE.

Worn once by mistake.

Call Stephanie.

**** And the WINNER is ****

FOR SALE BY OWNER.

Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica, 45 volumes.

Excellent condition, £200 or best offer.

No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything..

Thought for the day
“This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.” John 15:7 (NIV)

God has a plan for eternity and you have a role in it. God wants you to grow to spiritual maturity so that you can bear spiritual “fruit”.

Teacher: Donald, how do you spell crocodile?

Donald: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L

Teacher: No, that’s incorrect.

Donald: Maybe it is, but you asked me how I spell it.

One Liner
I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it.

Thought for the day
All of you together are Christ’s body, and each one of you is a separate and necessary part of it. 1 Corinthians 12:27 (NLT)

One reason you need to be connected to a church family is to fulfill your calling to serve other believers in practical ways.

A man, submitting information to his income tax preparer, was asked how many dependents he had.

“Eight,” he replied.

The preparer asked, “Would you mind repeating that?”

The man replied, “Not if I can help it.”

One Liner
Some minds are like concrete–all mixed up and permanently set.

Thought for the day
“You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it”. (Psalms 139:13-14 NLT)

The Bible says you were prescribed before birth. God knew what you would be like. He chose you, and he chose your characteristics. This means you are unique. There is only one you. There is nobody else who could be you. If you don’t be you, who is going to be you? You are irreplaceable.

A gentleman entered a busy florist shop that displayed a large sign that read, “Say It With Flowers.”

“Please wrap up one rose,” he told the florist.

“Only one?” the florist asked.

“Just one,” the customer replied. “I’m a man of few words.”

One Liner
I’ve learned that making a “living” is not the same thing as making a “life.”

Thought for the day
“It is dangerous to be concerned with what others think of you.” (Proverbs 29:25a TEV)

If you constantly worry about what other people think, then you’re caught in an emotional trap. You don’t have to please everybody any more than you can please everybody. It’s a myth to think that in order to be happy, you must be liked and approved of by everyone you meet. It’s just not true.

One day I called a number and asked to speak with Mr. Morgan. The woman who answered explained that he no longer lived at that address, but she did have a number where he could be reached.

I thanked her, rang that number, and was greeted with, “Good morning, Highland View Cemetery.”

One Liner
If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?

Thought for the day
Joy is our birthright from the Holy Spirit. It comes from being connected to God. Galatians 5:22 tells us that the fruit of the Holy Spirit is “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control” (NIV).

That verse doesn’t say that joy is available for only those whose natural personality lends itself easily to feelings of joy. No, it implies that joy is available for all who are in Christ Jesus and whose lives are full of the Holy Spirit.

“Oh, no!” he gasped as he surveyed the disaster before him. Never in his 50 years of life had he seen anything like it. How anyone could have survived he did not know.

He could only hope that somewhere amid the overwhelming destruction he would find his 16-year-old son. Only the slim hope of finding Danny kept him from turning and fleeing the scene. He took a deep breath and proceeded.

Walking was virtually impossible with so many things strewn across his path. He moved ahead slowly. “Danny! Danny!” he whispered to himself. He tripped and almost fell several times. He heard someone, or something, move. At least he thought he did. Perhaps, he was just hoping he did. He shook his head and felt his gut tighten.

He couldn’t understand how this could have happened. There was some light but not enough to see very much. Something cold and wet brushed against his hand. He jerked it away.

In desperation, he took another step then cried out, “Danny!

From a nearby pile of unidentified material, he heard his son. “Yes, Dad,” he said, in a voice so weak it could hardly be heard.

“It’s time to get up and get ready for school,” the man sighed, “and, for heaven’s sake, clean up this room!”

One Liner
Hyperbole is a billion times worse than exaggerating.

Thought for the day
David wrote in Psalm 119:72, “The law that you gave means more to me than all the money in the world” (GNB). When you understand how important and how valuable God’s Word is, you’ll get serious about memorizing significant portions of it.