SIGNS OF CHRISTMAS

Toy Store: “Ho, ho, ho spoken here.”

Bridal boutique: “Marry Christmas.”

Outside a church: “The original Christmas Club.”

At a department store: “Big pre-Christmas sale. Come in and mangle with the crowd.”

A reducing salon: “24 Shaping Days until Christmas.”

In a stationery store: “For the man who has everything…a calendar to remind him when payments are due.”

A Christmas sign on a toy store: “Ho, ho, ho spoken here.”

One Liner
My pessimism has never failed me, but I’m sure someday it will.

Thought for the day
The Bible says, “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also” (Matthew 6:19-21 NIV).

People, possessions, places, and positions are too flimsy to hold up the weight of our expectations and our desire to experience joy.

Only Jesus can meet those expectations.

Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents the week before Christmas. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs.

“I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE! AND AN XBOX 360! AND I PRAY FOR THE NEW IRON MAN COMIC BOOK!”

His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, “Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn’t deaf.”

To which the little brother replied, “No, but Grandma is!”

One Liner
Christmas is weird. What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?

Thought for the day
“The greatest need in the world is the transformation of human nature. We need a new heart that will not have lust and greed and hate in it. We need a heart filled with love and peace and joy, and that is why Jesus came into the world. He died on the cross to make peace between us and God and to change us from within by His Spirit. He can change you, if you will turn to Him in repentance and faith.” – Billy Graham

Christmas gift suggestions:

To your enemy, forgiveness.

To an opponent, tolerance.

To a friend, your heart.

To a customer, service.

To all, charity.

To every child, a good example.

To yourself, respect.

To Jesus, all.

One Liner
“I live every day trying to not disappoint the guy who wrote “stay cool” in my jr. high school yearbook.”

Thought for the day
Ask Yourself: “Why would God go to the trouble of sending His Son all the way to earth to endure the life He lived and die the death He died–if all we had to do to get to Heaven was ‘be good?'” He sure went to a lot of trouble for nothing. Either that, or we’re missing the point. – Joe McKeever

Adam, a bright-eyed 3-year-old, had been told of his German heritage. After church in early December, I asked him if he had a part in the Sunday school Christmas pageant.

“Yes,” he replied, his eyes filling with joy. “I am going to be a German shepherd!”

One Liner
“A man travels the world over in search of what he needs and returns home to find it.”

Thought for the day
The Bible says: “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast” (Ephesians 2:8-9 NIV).In other words, you can’t earn your way to heaven. You can’t work your way in. It’s just a gift.

Advent was one week away so we thought we’d see what the children remembered from our family devotions the year before. “Who can tell me what the four candles in the Advent wreath represent?” I asked.

Luke jumped in with seven-year-old wisdom and exuberance. “There’s love, joy, peace, and … and … “

“I know!” six-year-old Elise interrupted to finish her brother’s sentence: “Peace and quiet!”

One Liner
“Wisdom doesn’t always come with age. Sometimes age just shows up all by itself.”

Thought for the day
“But the angel reassured them. ‘Don’t be afraid!’ he said. ‘I bring you good news that will bring great joy to all people.’” (Luke 2:10 NLT)

Knowing God is for you will change your whole perspective on life. You’ll stop thinking of God as someone looking down from Heaven, ready to yell “Gotcha!” any time you mess up.

God is for your success in life; he created you for a purpose and he wants you to succeed. It is God, your Creator, who will measure your success in life, and no one else.

A Woman went to the Post Office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards.

“What Denomination?” Asked the clerk.

“Oh, good heavens! Have we come to this?” said the woman.

“Well give me 50 Baptist and 50 Catholic.

One Liner
No matter what happens, there is always somebody who knew that it would.

Thought for the day
The Bible says, “Now that we have been put right with God through faith we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ” (Romans 5:1 TEV).You need to make peace with God. Have you done that? If you haven’t, you’d better, because one day you will have to face him.

A SIGN OF THE TIMES

As a little girl climbed onto Santa’s lap, Santa asked the usual, “And what would you like for Christmas?”

The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute, then gasped: “Didn’t you get my email??!!”

One Liner
December is the month when the kids begin to discuss what to get Dad for Christmas. Some insist on a shirt; others a pair of socks, and the argument always ends in a tie.

Thought for the day
Jesus tells us in Mark 8:35, “Only those who give away their lives for my sake and for the sake of the Good News will ever know what it means to really live” (TLB). God wired you in a way that you’ll never be happy unless you’re giving your life away in his work. You were made for something greater than yourself.

Musical instrument + Reindeer = Organ Donner

Really quiet + Armed crusader = Silent Knight

Snow + Frankenstein = Snowball Fright

Reindeer + Cow = Sleigh Bulls

Rope + December 24th = The Knot Before Christmas

Christmas carols + A dozen flowers = The 12 daisies of Christmas

Christmas carol + Money = Jingle Bills

The 25th of December + A girl’s name = A Christmas Carol

Telling Santa your wishes + Computer = Santa’s Laptop

Snowfall + Chinese cooking = Shovel the wok

One Liner
Never offend people with style if you can offend them with substance.

Thought for the day
God’s plan of action is summed up in the Great Commission: “Therefore, go and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Teach these new disciples to obey all the commands I have given you. And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age” (Matthew 28:19-20 NLT).