I deliver pizza to help cover my college tuition. Once I called on customers who sent their seven-year-old son to pay me. As he approached the screen door, I noticed he was carrying a check in one hand and two dollars in the other, which I assumed was my tip.

To my dismay, he pocketed the bills before handing me the check, which was for the exact cost of the pizza.

“Could that have been a tip?” I asked, trying not to sound accusatory.

“Yep,” he replied proudly. “not bad for just a walk from the living room and back!”

One Liner
Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

Thought for the day
Don’t hoard treasure down here where it gets eaten by moths and corroded by rust or—worse!—stolen by burglars. Stockpile treasure in heaven, where it’s safe from moth and rust and burglars. It’s obvious, isn’t it? The place where your treasure is, is the place you will most want to be, and end up being. (Matthew 6:19-21 MSG)

The real secret to becoming content is to focus on the things that have eternal value.

A Catholic, a Baptist, and a Presbyterian all die and go to heaven. St. Peter comes around to the Pearly Gates and leads them through to a hallway lined with doors. These, he explains, lead to the place you’ll spend eternity in.

He asks the Catholic, “What denomination were you?”

“Roman Catholic.”

Peter points to a heavily carved dark wooden door and says, “Step in there.” The Catholic opens it up to find a chapel lined with stained-glass windows and candles. He gasps with delight, “A church!” and runs inside, kneels and starts counting his rosary.

Peter turns to the Baptist and gets his denomination, then points to another door. The Baptist opens it to find a canvas tent filled with people singing and waving their arms to a swaying choir and a shouting pastor. “A revival meeting!” He runs and joins the crowd.

Finally Peter asks the Presbyterian, “And what were you?”

“Presbyterian.”

Peter leads him to another door and pulls it open. Inside is a big, round table with people seated around shuffling papers and arguing. The Presbyterian claps his hands to his face in happiness.

“A committee!”

Thought for the day
“Greed I’ve often regretted. Generosity– never.” – Max Lucado

How Many People It Took To Make You!
1)…………1 YOU
2)…………2 parents
3)…………4 grandparents
4)…………8 great grandparents
5)………..16 gg grandparents
6)………..32 ggg grandparents
7)………..64 gggg grandparents
8)……….128 ggggg grandparents
9)……….256 gggggg grandparents
10……….512 ggggggg grandparents
11)…….1,024 gggggggg grandparents
12)…….2,048 ggggggggg grandparents
13)…….4,096 gggggggggg grandparents
14)…….8,192 ggggggggggg grandparents
15)……16,184 gggggggggggg grandparents
16)……32,768 ggggggggggggg grandparents
17)……65,536 gggggggggggggg grandparents
18)…..131,072 ggggggggggggggg grandparents
19)…..262,144 gggggggggggggggg grandparents
20)…..524,288 ggggggggggggggggg grandparents
21)…1,048,576 gggggggggggggggggg grandparents
22)…2,097,152 ggggggggggggggggggg grandparents

Thought for the day
“Don’t bother to give God instructions; just report for duty.” – Corrie ten Boom

Now that the metric system is in wide use all over the world, we can see why Americans have not adopted it:

A miss is as good as 1.6 kilometers.
Put your best .3 of a meter forward.
Spare the 5.03 meters and spoil the child.
Twenty-eight grams of prevention is worth 453 grams of cure.
Give a man 2.5 centimeters and he’ll take 1.6 kilometers.
Peter Piper picked 8.8 liters of pickled peppers.

One Liner
I’ve learned that, regardless of your relationship with your parents, you’ll miss them when they’re gone from your life.

Thought for the day
The mark of a spiritual leader is protection, so parents should protect the spiritual growth of their children. Jesus said, “While I was with them I kept them safe by the power of your name … I protected them” (John 17:12 TEV).

A guy was in court charged with parking in a restricted area. The judge asked him if he had anything to say in his defense.

“They shouldn’t put up such misleading notices,” said the guy. “It said `FINE FOR PARKING HERE`.”

One Liner
“It’s not a bug – it’s just an undocumented feature”

Thought for the day
Declare your struggles to someone. “Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so God can heal you” (James 5:16 NCV). Revealing your feeling is the beginning of healing. That’s one of my favorite sayings. If you want to just be forgiven, confess your sins to God. But if you want to be healed, confess them to somebody else. It’s the power that comes from having a spiritual accountability partner or small group.

An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he had insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.

As he was about to get the anesthesia, he asked to speak to his son.

“Yes, Dad, what is it?”

“Son, don’t be nervous, just do your best and, if the surgery doesn’t go well and I don’t make it, just remember, your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife…”

One Liner
If a book about failures doesn’t sell, is it a success?

Thought for the day
“You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised. For in just a very little while, ‘He who is coming will come and will not delay.’” Hebrews 10:36-37 (NIV)

If you’re discouraged because of God’s delay in answering your prayers, understand the delay is NOT a denial. Just because the answer hasn’t come – YET – that doesn’t mean God isn’t going to answer or that he’s forgotten you or that he doesn’t care about you.

Catching her in the act, I confronted our 3-year-old granddaughter, “Are you eating your little sister’s grapes?” I demanded.

“No,” she innocently replied, “I’m helping her share.”

One Liner
Whose idea was it to put an ‘S’ in the word ‘lisp’?

Thought for the day
Part of becoming spiritually mature is learning the difference between “no” and “not yet,” between a denial and a delay. The Bible tells us, “He who is coming will come and will not delay.” (Hebrews 10:37 NIV)

JOB APPLICANT STORIES

We’ve all been interviewed for jobs. And, we’ve all spent most of those interviews thinking about what not to do. Don’t bite your nails. Don’t fidget. Don’t interrupt. Don’t belch. If we did any of the don’ts, we knew we’d disqualify ourselves instantly. But some job applicants go light years beyond this. We surveyed top personnel executives of 100 major American corporations and asked for stories of unusual behavior by job applicants. The lowlights:

~ Said he was so well qualified [that] if he didn’t get the job, it would prove that the company’s management was incompetent.

~ Stretched out on the floor to fill out the job application.

~ Chewed bubble gum and constantly blew bubbles.

~ She wore an iPod and said she could listen to me and the music at the same time.

~ Applicant challenged interviewer to arm wrestle.

~ Announced she hadn’t had lunch and proceeded to eat a hamburger and french fries in the interviewer’s office.

~ Said if he were hired, he would demonstrate his loyalty by having the corporate logo tattooed on his forearm.

~ Interrupted to phone his therapist for advice on answering specific interview questions.

~ Wouldn’t get out of the chair until I would hire him. I had to call the police.

~ Took a brush out of MY purse, brushed his hair and left.

~ During the interview, an alarm clock went off from the candidate’s briefcase. He took it out, shut it off, apologized and said he had to leave for another interview.

One Liner
Billionaire J. P. Getty was once asked the secret of his success. Said Getty, “Some people find oil. Others don’t.”

Thought for the day
“Be bold and strong! Banish fear and doubt! For remember, the Lord your God is with you wherever you go” (Joshua 1:9 LB). God tells Joshua to “Get rid of that doubt stuff! Banish it!” Banish means to dump it. Throw it out the window. Get it out of sight. Don’t deal with it any more. Get rid of it.