DEFINITION OF OUTDOOR BARBECUING

When a man volunteers to do barbecue cooking, the following chain of events is put into motion:

1) The woman goes to the store. 

2) The woman fixes the salad, vegetables, and dessert. 

3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils, and takes it to the man, who is lounging beside the grill. 

4) The man places the meat on the grill. 

5) The woman goes inside to set the table and check the vegetables. 

6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. 

7) The man takes the meat off the grill and hands it to the woman. 

8) The woman prepares the plates and brings them to the table. 

9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes. 

10) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed “her night off.” And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there’s just no pleasing some women. 

One LINER
Do hungry crows have ravenous appetites?

Thought for the day 
“I hope you will be patient with me ….” (2 Corinthians 11:1a, NLT)
God is very patient and His mercy endures for ever! 

Mr. Gable had a leak in the roof over his dining room, so he called a repairman to take a look at it.
 
“When did you first notice the leak?” the repairman inquired.
 
Mr. Gable scowled, “Last night, when it took me two hours to finish my soup!”

One Liner
If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin’.

Thought for the day
Romans 8:28 says, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” (NIV).

It doesn’t say that all things are good, because all things are not good.  But God says he will work good out of the bad things in life if you will trust him.

One Liner
George Washington is the only president who didn’t blame the previous administration for his troubles.

Thought for the day
Psalm 146:3-10
Put not your trust in princes,
    in a son of man, in whom there is no salvation.
⁴ When his breath departs, he returns to the earth;
    on that very day his plans perish.

⁵ Blessed is he whose help is the God of Jacob,
    whose hope is in the Lord his God,
⁶ who made heaven and earth,
    the sea, and all that is in them,
who keeps faith forever;
⁷     who executes justice for the oppressed,
    who gives food to the hungry.

The Lord sets the prisoners free;
⁸     the Lord opens the eyes of the blind.
The Lord lifts up those who are bowed down;
    the Lord loves the righteous.
⁹ The Lord watches over the sojourners;
    he upholds the widow and the fatherless,
    but the way of the wicked he brings to ruin.

¹⁰ The Lord will reign forever,
    your God, O Zion, to all generations.
Praise the Lord!

One Liner
The problem with political jokes is they get elected. —Henry Cate, VII

Thought for the day
Choose for your tribes wise, understanding, and experienced men, and I will appoint them as your heads.’ Deuteronomy 1:13

A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn’t find a space with a meter.

Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: “I have circled the block 10 times. If I don’t park here, I’ll miss my appointment. Forgive us our trespasses.” 

When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note: “I’ve circled this block for 10 years. If I don’t give you a ticket I’ll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation.”

One Liner
It’s not a REAL sponge cake unless you’ve borrowed all the ingredients.

Thought for the day
“The things you’ve learned from me in the presence of many witnesses you are to entrust to other faithful people who will also be qualified to pass it on to others.” (2 Timothy 2:2)

Don’t be intimidated by the word “mentoring.” Mentoring is as easy as taking someone to breakfast once a month and asking them, “How’s it going?”

“A Woman’s Prayer”
 
Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;
Love to forgive him: and
Patience for his moods.
Because Lord, if I pray for strength,
I’ll beat him to death!
Amen!

One Liner
A key ring is a handy little gadget that allows you to lose all your keys at once.

Thought for the day
“I am like a caravan, lost in the desert searching for water.” (Job 6:18 CEV)

If you feel like God is a million miles away, guess who moved? God didn’t move; you did.

Ways in Which College is Different from High School

17. In high school, you do homework. In college you study.
 
16. No food is allowed in the hall in high school. In college, food must be provided at an event before students will come.
 
15. In high school, you wear your backpack on one shoulder; in college on both.
 
14. In college, the professors can tell you the answer without looking at the teacher’s guide.
 
13. In college, there are no bells or tardy slips.
 
12. In high school, you have to live with your parents. In college, you get to live with your friends.
 
11. In high school, you’re told what classes to take. In college, you get to choose; that is, as long as the classes don’t conflict and you have the prerequisites and the classes aren’t closed and you’ve paid your tuition.
 
10. In high school, if you screw up you can usually sweet-talk your way out of it. In college, you’re lucky to ever talk with the professor.
 
9. In high school, fire drills are planned by the administration; in college, by the pranksters from the dorms.
 
8. In college, any test consists of a larger percentage of your grade even than your high school final exams did. (Just to share: Kristin’s Bio class: 30% midterm 1, 30% midterm 2, 40% final; Soc class: 10% section grade, 40% midterm, 50% final, etc.. ..etc..)
 
7. In high school, when the teacher said, “Good morning,” you mumbled back. In college, when the professor says, “Good morning,” you write it down.
 
6. In college, there’s no one to tell you not to eat pizza three meals a day.
 
5. In college, your dad doesn’t pay for dates.
 
4. In high school, it never took 3 or 4 weeks to get money from Mom and Dad.
 
3. In college, when you miss a class or two or three, you don’t need a note from your parents saying you were skip… .uh, sick that day.
 
2. In high school, you can’t go out to lunch because it’s not allowed. In college, you can’t go out to lunch because you can’t afford it.
 
1. In college, you can blow off studying by writing lists like this.

One Liner
There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to touch the electric fence for themselves. 

Thought for the day
“Give yourselves completely to God – every part of you … you want to be tools in the hands of God, to be used for his good purposes.”(Romans 6:13b LB)

God doesn’t want anything less than your all given to Him.  Don’t put God in first place – but rather make Him the total focus of your life!