The young couple invited their elderly pastor for Sunday dinner.  While they were in the kitchen preparing the meal, the minister asked their son what they were having.

“Goat,” the little boy replied.

“Goat?” replied the startled man of the cloth, “Are you sure about that?”

“Yep,” said the youngster.  “I heard Dad say to Mom, ‘Today is just as good as any to have the old goat for dinner.'”

One LINER
I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but he turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

Thought for the day 
Whoever wants to be great must become a servant. Mark 10:43 (MSG)

The world defines greatness in terms of power, possessions, prestige, and position. If you can demand service from others, you’ve arrived. In our self-serving culture with its me-first mentality, acting like a servant is not a popular concept.

We serve God by serving others.

“Cinnamon Rolls”

At breakfast one day, I eagerly waited for my husband to comment on my first attempt at homemade cinnamon rolls.

After several minutes with no reaction, I asked, “If I baked these commercially, how much do you think I could get for one of them?”

Without looking up from his paper my husband replied, “About 10 years.”

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“Men take only their needs into consideration, never their abilities.”
– Napoleon Bonaparte

Thought for the day
They said to the woman, “We no longer believe just because of what you said; now we have heard for ourselves, and we know that this man really is the Savior of the world.” John 4:42

Won’t believe for yourself until you experience God for yourself

Eggs-itement

One day, my five-year-old daughter, Tori, helped me put away groceries. She didn’t know I’d purchased brown eggs instead of the usual white. When Tori opened the carton, her eyes widened in amazement and she exclaimed, “Look, Mommy, whole wheat eggs!”  

One LINER
Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass…it’s about learning to dance in the rain.

Thought for the day
“He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord.” Psalm 40:3

Our own redemption puts a new song in our mouths.  Out of hearts of gratitude and love for God, we share our witness.

A man is in bed with his wife when there is knocking on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock. It’s half past three in the morning.

“I’m not getting out of bed at this time,” he thinks, and rolls over.

Then, a louder knock follows.

“Aren’t you going to answer that?” says his wife.

So he drags himself out of bed, and goes downstairs. He opens the door and there is man standing at the door. It didn’t take the homeowner long to realize the man was drunk.

“Hi there,” slurs the stranger, “Can you give me a push?”

“No, get lost, it’s half past three. I was in bed,” says the man and slams the door.

He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened and she says “Dave, that wasn’t very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the baby-sitter and you had to knock on that man’s house to get us started again? What would have happened if he’d told us to get lost?”

“But the guy was drunk,” says the husband.

“It doesn’t matter,” says the wife. “He needs our help and it would be the Christian thing to help him.”

So the husband gets out of bed again, gets dressed, and goes downstairs. He opens the door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere he shouts, “Hey, do you still want a push?” and he hears a voice cry out, “Yeah, please!”

So, still being unable to see the stranger, he shouts: “Where are you?”

And the stranger replies: “I’m over here, on your swing.”

One LINER
Don’t play stupid with me. I always win.

Thought for the day 
My dear brothers and sisters, be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. James 1:19 (NLT)

Do you know how to deal with conflict?  The solution to conflict resolution is one word: confrontation.  To resolve conflict, you must confront. But, don’t confront in anger. Lovingly go to the person and, then speaking the truth in love, deal with the problem immediately

“Reading Glasses”

I took my 5 year old grandson to the optometrist to pick up his new glasses. The glasses were prescribed “to help him read and be able to see the computer better”.

When we got back home, he got on the computer to play a game. In a few minutes he called me and said there was something wrong with his glasses.

I asked him what was the problem and he said, “I still can’t read.”

One LINER
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid that someone will clean them?

Thought for the day 
Psalm 73:25-26
Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

What can we keep when our lives end and our bodies are placed silently in their graves at death? Only our relationship with God and his people last beyond the grave. If he is what lasts, then how can we displace him for anything that doesn’t?

The young man ahead of my father at the flower shop was taking an unusually long time to place his order.

When the clerk asked how she could help, he explained that his girlfriend was turning 19 and he couldn’t decide whether to give her a dozen roses or 19 roses — one for each year of her life.

The woman put aside her business judgment and advised, “She may be your 19-year-old girlfriend now, but someday she could be your 50-year-old wife.”

The young man bought a dozen roses.

One LINER
~ Why isn’t phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

Thought for the day
“I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for” (Jeremiah 29:11 MSG).

Ask God to open your eyes and help you see his purpose for your life. God, who made you, has this to say about you: “I alone know the plans I have for you, plans to bring you prosperity and not disaster, plans to bring about the future you hope for” (Jeremiah 29:11 TEV).