A family from the hills of Kentucky was visiting the big city for the first time.

They stayed in a high-rise hotel with a big brass elevator right off of the lobby. The mother and daughter stared at it in amazement, wondering what it was. After staring at it in awe for a few minutes the girl looked up at her mom, “Ma, what do you reckon that there thing is?” she asked.

“I don’t rightly know, girl,” the mother replied.

Just then an old, frumpy man in a robe with messy hair walks up, steps in the elevator and the doors shut behind him. After about 30 seconds the doors opened again and a handsome, muscular young man in tight work-out clothes comes out.

The mother leans over to her daughter and says, “Girl, go and get your Pa!”

One Liner
How did a fool and his money GET together?

Thought for the day
“Find a quiet, secluded place so you won’t be tempted to role-play before God. Just be there as simply and honestly as you can manage. The focus will shift from you to God, and you will begin to sense his grace” (Matthew 6:6 The Message).

God isn’t going to speak to you if your life is filled with a bunch of noise. You’ve got to get alone, and you’ve got to get quiet. We call this a quiet time.

A lady lost her purse while shopping. It was found by an honest little boy and returned to her.

Looking in her purse, she commented, “That’s funny. When I lost my bag there was a $100 bill in it. Now there are 100 $1 bills.”

The boy quickly replied, “That’s right, lady. The last time I found a lady’s purse and she didn’t have any change for a reward.”

One Liner
How do “Stay off the Grass” signs get there?

Thought for the day
“This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us — whatever we ask — we know that we have what we asked of him” (1 John 5:14-15 NIV).

Prayer works because God is in control.

The phone rang. It was a salesman from a mortgage refinance company calling a woman:

“Do you have a second mortgage on your home?”

“No,” I replied.

“Would you like to consolidate all your debts?”

“I really don’t have any debts,” I said.

“How about freeing up cash for home improvements?” he tried.

“I don’t need any. I just recently had some done and paid cash,” I parried.

There was a brief silence, and then he asked, “Are you looking for a husband?”

One Liner
Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.

Thought for the day
“Since you have heard about Jesus and have learned the truth that comes from him, throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception. Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. Put on your new nature, created to be like God — truly righteous and holy” (Ephesians 4:21-24 NLT).

You need more power than just willpower in your life. You need God’s power in your life.

A four year old was at the pediatrician for a check up. As the doctor looked down her ears with an otoscope, he asked, “Do you think I’ll find Big Bird in here?”

The little girl stayed silent.
Next, the doctor took a tongue depressor and looked down her throat. He asked, “Do you think I’ll find the Cookie Monster down there?”

Again, the little girl was silent.
Then the doctor put a stethoscope to her chest. As he listened to her heart beat, he asked, “Do you think I’ll hear Barney in there?”

“Oh, no!” the little girl replied. “Jesus is in my heart. Barney’s on my underpants.”

One Liner
Don’t just listen to what someone is saying. Listen to why they are saying it.

Thought for the day
“If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us” (1 John 1:8 NIV).

Sin always involves self-deception. At the moment you’re sinning, you’re deceiving yourself because you think that what you’re doing will actually produce better results than what God has already told you to do.

To stop defeating yourself, you must stop deceiving yourself.

One day in the army I was assigned KP duty. I reported to the Mess Hall and was told by the sergeant in charge that he wanted me to make 100 gallons of soup for tonight’s dinner. I told him I didn’t know how to make soup. He quickly handed me a book and told me to follow the directions carefully.

Soon after I had a large kettle of soup simmering. The sergeant came up and tasted the soup. He took a second spoonful and stood there staring at me. I thought I had really messed up the soup and was waiting for a reprimand.

Instead the sergeant said, “This tastes really good… are you sure you followed the recipe?”

One Liner
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something

Thought for the day
“Never walk away from someone who deserves help; your hand is God’s hand for that person. Never tell your neighbors to wait until tomorrow if you can help them now” (Proverbs 3:27-28 The Message/GNT).

Love is something you do. Love doesn’t just say, “I’m sorry for this guy. Isn’t it a shame? Isn’t that too bad?” Love seizes the moment.

Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey – but I’d bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.

One Liner
“I don’t have a solution, but I admire your problem.”

Thought for the day
“Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God–this is your spiritual act of worship.” Romans 12:1 (NIV)

In other words, your whole life becomes an act of constant worship when you live, work, and breathe as unto the Lord

A group of golfers were telling tall stories. At last came a veteran’s turn. “Well,” he said, “I once drove a ball, accidentally of course, through a cottage window. The ball knocked over an oil lamp and the place caught on fire!”

“What did you do?” asked his friends.

“Oh,” said the veteran, “I immediately teed up another ball, took careful aim, and hit the fire alarm on Main Street. That brought out the fire engine before any major damage was done.”

One Liner
“A bus station is where a bus stops, a train station is where a train stops and on my desk I have a work station . . .”

Thought for the day
“I know that your love will last for all time, that your faithfulness is as permanent as the sky” (Psalm 89:2 TEV).

God will never love you any more than he does right now. But he also will never love you any less than he does right now.

He loves you on your good days; he loves you on your bad days. His love is not conditioned by your response. God is love and his love is given freely. It cannot be earned and it is not undeserved.