A Quaker farmer was milking his cow when she switched him in the face with her tail.  

He patiently said, “Cow, thou shalt not do that.”  

He kept milking until she kicked and sent the half-filled milk pail tumbling across the barn, spilling and ruining the milk.  

The farmer went around to face the cow and took her horns in his big, calloused hands.  He looked at her and said, “Cow, thou knowest that I am a Quaker and that I cannot strike thee.  But cow, thou also must know that I can sell thee to a Baptist.”

One Liner
On a church sign: Church parking only.  Violators will be baptized.