TEST TO SEE IF YOU’RE A GRINCH

~ You reuse last year’s Christmas cards and send them out under your own name. (5 points)

~ You steal light bulbs from you neighbor’s outdoor display to replenish your own supply. (5 points; 10 if neighbor’s whole light sets or lighted Santa goes out) 

~ You have dressed a dog or cat as Santa Claus, elf helper, or reindeer. (10 points for each; if you dressed an endangered species, 5 extra points)

~ You put out last year’s stale candy canes for children. (1 point for each piece of sticky candy; if you also put out a chocolate or marzipan Santa, add 10 points) 

~ You enclose a shoddy and inferior gift from Target or Walmart in a Macy’s box to impress your friends. (5 points for each infraction)

~ At the office Christmas party, you horde huge stockpiles of goodies for later consumption at home. (5 points; 15 points if you use this stuff for your own party)

~ You steal the wreath from a parked car to use on your own. (Southern California & Florida only, others ignore: 5 points)

~ After an invitation to a friend’s house, you bring a commercially-produced fruitcake and try to pass it off as homemade. (5 points; 15 points if the fruitcake is from last year)

~ Taking toys from the Toys-for-Tots collection bins is a definite no-no. (20 points)

Evaluate your score on the “Grinch Scale” from 20 to 100:

20-30: You’re just a cheeseball. 

30-50: You’re an apprentice in Yuletide larceny and are probably wanted for overdue parking tickets. 

50-100: Grinch, move over!

One Liner

What to my wondering eyes should appear, but 10 extra pounds on my hips, thighs, and rear.