Monthly Archives: September 2023

As a young married couple, a husband and a wife lived in a cheap housing complex near the military base where he was working.

Their chief complaint was that the walls were paper-thin and that they had no privacy. This was painfully obvious when one morning the husband was upstairs and the wife was downstairs on the telephone.

She was interrupted by the doorbell and went to greet her neighbor.

“Give this to your husband,” he said, thrusting a roll of toilet paper into her hands. “He’s been yelling for it for 15 minutes!”

One Liner

How can “crash course” and “collision course” have two different meanings?

Humor – September 7

September 7, 2023humormikeshumor

Two friends meet in the street. The one man looked rather forlorn and down in the mouth. The other man asked, “Hey, how come you look like the whole world caved in?”

The sad fellow said, “Let me tell you. Three weeks ago, an uncle died and left me ten thousand dollars.”

“I’m sorry to hear about the death, but a bit of good luck for you, eh?”

“Hold on, I’m just getting started. Two weeks ago, a cousin I never knew kicked the bucket and left me twenty thousand, free and clear.”

“Well, you can’t be disappointed with that!”

“Yep. But, last week my grandfather passed away. I inherited almost one hundred thousand dollars.”

“Incredible… so how come you look so glum?”

“Well, this week…nothing!”

One Liner

How many roads must a man travel down before he admits he is lost?

Humor – September 6

September 6, 2023Uncategorizedmikeshumor

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patty Whack.

“Miss Whack, I’d like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday.”

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it’s okay, he knows the bank manager.

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The frog says, “Sure. I have this,” and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patty explains that she’ll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, “There’s a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral.” She holds up the tiny pink elephant. “I mean, what in the world is this?”

The bank manager looks back at her and says, “It’s a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man’s a Rolling Stone.”

(You sang it, didn’t you? Yeah, I know you did.)

One Liner

If you bought 30 rolls of toilet paper, then you owe your church 3 rolls. Tithing is not cancelled.

Humor – September 5

September 5, 2023Uncategorizedmikeshumor

Old Sam Johnson goes to his doctor complaining of aches and pains all over his body. After a thorough examination, the doctor gives him a clean bill of health.

“Sam, you’re in excellent shape for an 85 year old man. But I’m not a magician – I can’t make you any younger,” says the doctor.

“Who asked you to make me younger?” says Sam. “You just make sure I get older!”

One Liner

A flashlight simultaneously comforts you with light and unsettles you with random shadows.