Judge: Silence in court! The next person who laughs again will be thrown out of court.

Accused: Hahahaha

Judge: I wasn’t talking to you!

One Liner

Even if you’ve been fishing for 3 hours and haven’t gotten anything except poison ivy and a sunburn, you’re still better off than the worm.

Celebrating 20 years of MIKESHUMOR – May 2004 to 2024

mikeshumor provides clean humor for all its readers to live out our motto, “He who laughs, lasts!” 

Since our beginning in May 2004, mikeshumor has provided a laugh, humor and encouragement to readers of all ages!  If you have clean humor or one liners that you would like us to consider publishing, email it to mikeshumor@gmail.com  

mikeshumor is a free blog …. However donations are welcome!  Since May 21, readers have the opportunity to make a donation.  Donations are not tax-deductible, but they do help cover direct costs associated with our website, domain and various online services.

Thank you for being a loyal reader – and make sure you pass the humor along!!

I was out walking with my then 4-year-old daughter. She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I asked her not to do that.

“Why?”

“Because it’s been laying outside and is dirty and probably has germs.”

At this point, she looked at me with total admiration and asked, “Wow! How do you know all this stuff?”

“Uh,” I was thinking quickly, everyone knows this stuff, “Um, it’s on the Mommy test. You have to know it, or they don’t let you be a Mommy.”

“Oh.”

We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently pondering this new information.

“I get it!” she beamed. “Then if you flunk, you have to be the Daddy.” 

One Liner

For those who watch my life and gossip about it, don’t give up! Season 2 is coming.

Celebrating 20 years of MIKESHUMOR – May 2004 to 2024

mikeshumor provides clean humor for all its readers to live out our motto, “He who laughs, lasts!” 

Since our beginning in May 2004, mikeshumor has provided a laugh, humor and encouragement to readers of all ages!  If you have clean humor or one liners that you would like us to consider publishing, email it to mikeshumor@gmail.com  

mikeshumor is a free blog …. However, donations are welcome!  Beginning May 21, readers now have the opportunity to make a donation.  Donations are not tax-deductible, but they do help cover direct costs associated with our website, domain and various online services.

Cop: You know how fast you were going?

Guy: Sorry officer, I was just trying to catch up with traffic.

Cop: What traffic? The road is empty.

Guy: Yeah, that’s how far behind I am.

One Liner

Having a job is nice, but it interferes with my life.

Celebrating 20 years of MIKESHUMOR – May 2004 to 2024

mikeshumor provides clean humor for all its readers to live out our motto, “He who laughs, lasts!” 

Since our beginning in May 2004, mikeshumor has provided a laugh, humor and encouragement to readers of all ages!  If you have clean humor or one liners that you would like us to consider publishing, email it to mikeshumor@gmail.com  

mikeshumor is a free blog …. However, donations are welcome!  Beginning May 21, readers now have the opportunity to make a donation.  Donations are not tax-deductible, but they do help cover direct costs associated with our website, domain and various online services.

Every time the man next door headed toward Robinson’s house, Robinson knew he was coming to borrow something. “He won’t get away with it this time,” muttered Robinson to his wife. “Watch this.”

“Er, I wonder if you’d be using your power-saw this morning,” the neighbor began.

“Gee, I’m awfully sorry,” said Robinson with a smug look, “but the fact of the matter is, I’ll be using it all day.”

“In that case,” said the neighbor, “you won’t be using your golf clubs, mind if I borrow them?”

One Liner

If you melt dry ice, can you swim in it and not get wet?

Celebrating 20 years of MIKESHUMOR – May 2004 to 2024

mikeshumor provides clean humor for all its readers to live out our motto, “He who laughs, lasts!” 

Since our beginning in May 2004, mikeshumor has provided a laugh, humor and encouragement to readers of all ages!  If you have clean humor or one liners that you would like us to consider publishing, email it to mikeshumor@gmail.com  

mikeshumor is a free blog …. However, donations are welcome!  Beginning May 21, readers now have the opportunity to make a donation.  Donations are not tax-deductible, but they do help cover direct costs associated with our website, domain and various online services.

SIGNS THAT YOUR NEW CAR IS A LEMON (aka dud)

~ As you leave the used car lot, you see the owner rush out with a gigantic smile and high-five the salesman.

~ You notice that the car phone they threw in “for free” has a direct line to Moe’s Towing Company.

~ The booster cables are not in the trunk but are permanently soldered to the battery.

~ The hood has been equipped with a push-button device for quick and easy opening.

~ The “Purchased From” sticker at the bottom of the rear license plate has been removed.

~ You get a “Good Luck” card from the previous owner.

~ As you drive up to a service station for gas, the mechanic opens the big door and waves you in.

~ When you leave for work the next morning, you notice a tow truck parked about a block from your driveway.  As you go by, it silently falls in behind you.

~ The little “Service Engine” warning signal in the dashboard comes on and reads “Me Again.”

One Liner

NOT getting what you want is sometimes a stroke of extraordinarily good luck.

Celebrating 20 years of MIKESHUMOR – May 2004 to 2024

mikeshumor provides clean humor for all its readers to live out our motto, “He who laughs, lasts!” 

Since our beginning in May 2004, mikeshumor has provided a laugh, humor and encouragement to readers of all ages!  If you have clean humor or one liners that you would like us to consider publishing, email it to mikeshumor@gmail.com  

mikeshumor is a free blog …. However, donations are welcome!  Beginning May 21, readers now have the opportunity to make a donation.  Donations are not tax-deductible, but they do help cover direct costs associated with our website, domain and various online services.

A teacher gave her class of second graders a lesson on the magnet and what it does. 

The next day in a written test, she included this question: 

“My full name has six letters. The first one is M. I am strong and attractive. I pick up things. What am I?” 

When the test papers were turned in, the teacher was astonished to find that almost 50 percent of the students answered the question with the word “Mother.”

One Liner

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction…I read to the end and say, “Well, that’s not going to happen.”

Celebrating 20 years of MIKESHUMOR – May 2004 to 2024

mikeshumor provides clean humor for all its readers to live out our motto, “He who laughs, lasts!” 

Since our beginning in May 2004, mikeshumor has provided a laugh, humor and encouragement to readers of all ages!  If you have clean humor or one liners that you would like us to consider publishing, email it to mikeshumor@gmail.com  

mikeshumor is a free blog …. However, several have asked about making a donation.  So beginning May 21, readers will have the opportunity to make a donation.  Donations are not tax-deductible, but they do help cover direct costs associated with our website, domain and various online services. Thank you for being a loyal reader – and make sure you pass the humor along!!