REFLECTIONS OF A MOTHER

I gave you life,
But
I cannot live it for you.
I can give you directions,
But
I cannot be there to lead you.
I can take you to church,
But
I cannot make you believe.
I can teach you right from wrong,
But
I cannot always decide for you.
I can buy you beautiful clothes,
But
I cannot make you beautiful Inside.
I can offer you advice,
But
I cannot accept it for you.
I can give you love,
But
I cannot force it upon you.
I can teach you to share,
But
I cannot make you unselfish.
I can teach you respect,
But
I cannot force you to show honor.
I can advise you about friends,
But
I cannot choose them for you.
I can advise you about sex,
But
I cannot keep you pure.
I can tell you about alcohol & drugs,
But
I can’t say “No” for you.
I can tell you about lofty goals,
But
I can’t achieve them for you.
I can teach you about kindness,
But
I can’t force you to be gracious
I can pray for you,
But
I cannot make you walk with God.
I can love you with
unconditional love – all of my life.
And I WILL.
– Unknown

One Liner

A mother touches a whole generation by loving her own child well.

Celebrating 20 years of MIKESHUMOR – May 2004 to 2024

mikeshumor provides clean humor for all its readers to live out our motto, “He who laughs, lasts!” 

Since our beginning in May 2004, mikeshumor has provided a laugh, humor and encouragement to readers of all ages!  If you have clean humor or one liners that you would like us to consider publishing, email it to mikeshumor@gmail.com  

mikeshumor is a free blog …. However, several have asked about making a donation.  So beginning May 21, readers will have the opportunity to make a donation.  Donations are not tax-deductible, but they do help cover direct costs associated with our website, domain and various online services. Thank you for being a loyal reader – and make sure you pass the humor along!!

Once there was a millionaire who collected live alligators.  He kept them in the pool in back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful single daughter. 

So one day he decides to throw a huge party, and during the party he announces: “My dear guests, I have a proposition to every man here.  I will give one million dollars or my daughter to the man that can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge unharmed!”

As soon as he finished his last word there was the sound of a large SPLASH!  One guy was in the pool, swimming as fast as he could, with the crowd was cheering him on.  Finally he made it to the other side, miraculously unharmed.

The millionaire was impressed. “My boy that was incredible!  Fantastic!  I didn’t think it could be done!  Well I must keep my end of the bargain. Which do you want: my daughter or the one million dollars?”

The guy says, “Listen, I don’t want your money!  And I don’t want your daughter!  I just want the name of the guy who pushed me into that pool!

One Liner

“Hear about the man who ran into a screen door? He strained himself.

Celebrating 20 Years of MIKESHUMOR – May 2004 to 2024

mikeshumor provides clean humor for all its readers to live out our motto, “He who laughs, lasts!” 

Since our beginning in May 2004, mikeshumor has provided a laugh, humor and encouragement to readers of all ages!  If you have clean humor or one liners that you would like us to consider publishing, email it to mikeshumor@gmail.com  

mikeshumor is a free blog …. However, several have asked about making a donation.  So beginning May 21, readers will have the opportunity to make a donation.  Donations are not tax-deductible, but they do help cover direct costs associated with our website, domain and various online services. Thank you for being a loyal reader – and make sure you pass the humor along!!

A poor vagabond, traveling a country road in England, tired and hungry, came to a roadside inn with a sign reading: “George and the Dragon.”

He knocked gently on the door and the innkeeper’s wife stuck her head out a window.

“Could ye spare some victuals?” he asked politely.

The woman glanced at his shabby clothes and obviously poor condition. “No!” she said rather sternly.

“Could I just have a pint of ale?”

“No!” she said again.

“Could I at least sleep in your stable?”

“No!” by this time she was fairly shouting.

The vagabond said, “Might I please — “

“What now?” the woman interrupted impatiently.

“D’ye suppose,” he asked, “I might have a word with George?” 

One Liner

I never thought I was the type of person who would get up early in the morning and exercise. I was right.

Celebrating 20 years of MIKESHUMOR – May 2004 to 2024

A customer sent a large order to a distributor.

The distributor noticed that the previous bill hadn’t been paid so they sent a message: “We can’t ship your new order until you pay for the last one.”

The next day the reply came: “Please cancel the order. We can’t wait that long.” 

One Liner

Billion-dollar idea: A smoke detector that shuts off when you yell, “I’m just cooking!”

Celebrating 20 years of MIKESHUMOR – May 2004 to 2024

The first day of summer camp, a counselor was helping his kids stow their
stuff.

He was surprised to see one of the youngsters had an umbrella.

The counselor asked, “Tell me Bobby, why did you bring an umbrella to camp?”

The kid answered, “Did you ever have a mother?

One Liner

Inquiring minds want to know: are you pro-biotic or anti-biotic?!

Celebrating 20 years of MIKESHUMOR – May 2004 to 2024