A man parks his bicycle nearby the Capitol in Washington, DC and walks on.
A police officer stops him and asks, “Why did you park your bicycle here? Don’t you know it is a VIP road and all congressmen and senators pass from here?”
Man replied, “Don’t you worry about it, I locked my bicycle!”
One Liner
Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.
A pastor assured his congregation he was their servant and that they should feel free to call him anytime they had a problem.
That night the pastor’s phone rang at 3 a.m. On the other end was a dear elderly lady who said, “Pastor, I can’t sleep.”
“I知 so sorry to hear that,” he comforted her.
“But what can I do about it?” the pastor said.
She sweetly replied, “Preach to me a while, pastor.”
One Liner
Never knock on Death’s door; ring the doorbell and run (he hates that).
Teacher: “If you have five apples and I ask you for one, how many will you have?”
Kid: “Five.”
One Liner
Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll be able to enjoy it a second time.
The tall, handsome, confident gentleman walked over to the girl and made a disparaging remark about the men who had been chatting her up.
She laughed gaily, “When I don’t want a man’s attentions,” she confided, “and he asks where I live, I just say, ‘I’m visiting here’.”
“Ha-ha,” he laughed, relishing her humor. “Where do you really live?”
“I’m just visiting here.”
One Liner
Red meat is NOT bad for you. Now, blue-green meat, that’s REALLY BAD for you.
“Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life in which you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.” A man walked into the office of the eminent psychiatrist Dr. Heidberg, and sat down to explain his problem.
“Doctor, doctor! I’ve got this problem,” the man said. “I keep hallucinating that I’m a dog. It’s crazy. I don’t know what to do!”
“A common canine complex,” said the doctor soothingly. “Relax. Come here and lie down on the couch.”
“Oh no, Doctor,” the man said nervously, “I’m not allowed up on the furniture.”
One Liner
Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life in which you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.
My dry cleaner very generously provides a stack of free newspapers for his customers.
As I took my copy, I told him, “I hope the business grows enough to offset the cost of the papers.”
“Oh, don’t worry about us,” he chuckled. “Nothing dirties clothes more than newsprint.”
One Liner
The difference between tax avoiding and evasion is 10 years.
mikeshumor 