While leading a tour of kindergarten students through our hospital, I overheard a conversation between one little girl and an x-ray technician.
“Have you ever broken a bone?” he asked.
“Yes,” the girl replied.
“Did it hurt?”
“No.”
“Really? Which bone did you break?”
“My sister’s arm.”
One Liner
They told me I was gullible. I believed them.
The bank manager noticed the new clerk was a goober at counting money and adding up figures.
“Where did you get your financial education?” he asked.
“Yale,” replied the lad.
“And what’s your name?” barked the manager.
“Yim Yohnston,” he replied.
One Liner
I’d give my right arm to be ambidextrous!
A traveler got to the airline counter and presented her ticket to New York. As she gave the agent her luggage she asked, “I’d like you to send my green suitcase to Hawaii, and my red suitcase to London.”
The confused agent said, “I’m sorry, we can’t do that.”
“Really? I am so relieved to hear you say that because, that’s exactly what you did to my luggage last year!”
One Liner
The truth is out there? Does anyone know the URL?
Customer: “Excuse me, but are you looking to hire any help at present?”
Manager: “No, we already have all the staff we need.”
Customer: “Then would you mind getting someone to wait on me?”
One Liner
The secret to success is sincerity and once you learn to fake it, you’ve got it made.
The supermarket near our house has an automatic mister to keep the produce fresh.
Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of a thunderstorm.
When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing.
When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cackle.
At this point I have been too afraid to go down the toilet paper aisle
One Liner
Q: What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?
A: Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
A man was very sick. Doctors feared the worst. He is at home one day, resting in his bed. He looks up and says, “Is my wife here?”
His wife replies, “Yes, dear, I’m here, next to you.”
The man goes, “Are my children here?”
“Yes, Daddy, we are all here,” say the children.
“Are my other relatives also here?”
And they say, “Yes, we are all here…”
The man sits up and says, “Then why in the world is the light on in the kitchen?”
One Liner
If you rip a hole in a net, there are actually fewer holes in it than there were before.
Last night I was telling my kids about Jesus calming the storm in Mark 4. I told them how Jesus and the disciples were all in a boat crossing a lake when a storm came up and threatened to sink the craft. Meanwhile, Jesus had fallen asleep in the stern.
So the disciples, fearing for their lives, went back and woke Jesus, hoping he could do something to save them. I said Jesus woke up and said “Quiet…”
To which my son interjected, “I’M TRYING TO SLEEP!”
One Liner
If you replace “W” with “T” in “What, Where and When,, you get the answer to each of them.
Little Emily was at her first wedding and gaped at the entire ceremony. When it was over, she asked her mother, “Why did the lady change her mind?”
Her mother asked, “What do you mean?”
“Well, she went down the aisle with one man and came back with another one.”
One Liner
Do twins ever realize that one of them is unplanned?
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