humor of the week
All posts by mikeshumor
Humor – June 27
WHEN YOU THOUGHT I WASN’T LOOKING
When you thought I wasn’t looking you hung my first painting on the refrigerator, and I wanted to paint another.
When you thought I wasn’t looking you fed a stray cat, and I thought it was good to be kind to animals.
When you thought I wasn’t looking you baked a birthday cake just for me, and I knew that little things were special things.
When you thought I wasn’t looking you said a prayer, and I believed there was a God that I could always talk to.
When you thought I wasn’t looking you kissed me good-night, and I felt loved.
When you thought I wasn’t looking I saw tears come from your eyes, and I learned that sometimes things hurt–but that it’s all right to cry.
When you thought I wasn’t looking you smiled, and it made me want to look that pretty, too.
When you thought I wasn’t looking you cared, and I wanted to be everything I could be.
When you thought I wasn’t looking – I looked . . . and wanted to say thanks for all those things you did when you thought I wasn’t looking.
One Liner
You’re only as pretty as you treat people.
DONE FOR YOU DIGITAL BUSINESS SYSTEM …..
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Humor – June 26
A young businessman had just started his own firm. He had just rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques.
Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working.
He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, “Can I help you?”
“Yeah, I’ve come to activate your phone lines.”
One Liner
If you can’t handle me randomly blurting out song lyrics that relate to what you just said, we can’t be friends.
Humor – June 25
Patient: “Doctor, doctor! My wife has lost her voice! How can I help her get it back?”
Doctor: “Try coming home at 3 in the morning.”
——
Nurse: Doctor! Doctor! There’s an invisible man in the waiting room!
Doctor: Tell him I can’t see him right now.
——
Patient: Doctor! Doctor! Can I have second opinion?
Doctor: Of course, come back tomorrow!
One Liner
A lot of women say their husband never listens to them. I am proud to say I have never heard my wife say that.
Humor – June 24
Two brothers at dinner; two steaks on the platter. The younger brother immediately helps himself to the bigger piece.
Older brother: “When are you going to learn to be polite???”
Younger brother: “If you had first pick, which would you take?”
Older: “The smaller piece, of course.”
Younger: “So what are you whining about? You want the smaller piece? You got it!”
One Liner
My body just asked for water and I gave it a mini-donut instead. Nobody tells me what to do.
Humor – June 23
There was a Super Bowl football game between the big animals and the little animals. The big animals were crushing little animals. At half time the coach made a passionate speech to rally the little animals.
At the start of the second half the big animals had the ball. The first play, the elephant got stopped for no gain. The second play, the rhino was stopped for no gain. On third down, the hippo was thrown for a 5 yard loss.
The defense huddled around the coach and he asked excitedly, “Who stopped the elephant?”
“I did,” said the centipede.
“Who stopped the rhino?”
“Uh, that was me too,” said the centipede.
“And how about the hippo? Who hit him for a 5 yard loss?”
“That was me as well,” said the centipede.
“SO WHERE WERE YOU THE FIRST HALF?” demanded the coach.
“Well,” replied the centipede, “I was having my ankles taped.”
One Liner
Frog Parking Only: All others will be toad.
DONE FOR YOU DIGITAL BUSINESS SYSTEM …..
This is exactly how beginners are making $600+
This system was engineered for beginners who are ready to start fast and scale with purpose… and for burnt out digital marketers who are done with the hustle.
What’s inside?+ A high-converting storefront that’s branded to you
+ A funnel built to CONVERT, & nurture cold leads and close them
+ Automated lead-gen tools (like comment triggers + follow-ups)
No guesswork. No overwhelm. No “where do I start?” spiral.
It’s already built — and it’s already working.
And we set it up with you and for you! Click HERE for details!!
Isaiah 30:15b
humor pic of the week
Humor – June 20
A new soldier was on sentry duty at the main gate. His orders were clear: no car was to enter unless it had a special military sticker on the windshield.
A big Army car came up with a general seated in the back. The sentry said, “Halt, who goes there?”
The corporal, who was driving, said, “General Wheeler.”
“I’m sorry, I can’t let you through. You have to have a military sticker on your windshield.”
The general said, “Drive on!” The sentry replied, “Hold it! Hold it! You cannot come through. I have orders to shoot if you try driving in without a military sticker.”
The general repeated, “I’m telling you, son, drive on!”
The sentry walked up to the rear window and said, “General Sir, I’m new at this. Do I shoot you or your driver?”
One Liner
Charcuterie is just Lunchables for adults.
Humor – June 19
The teacher’s first graders were discussing a picture of a family. One little boy in the picture had a different hair color than the other members. One of her students suggested that he was adopted.
A little girl said, “I know all about adoption; I was adopted.”
“What does it mean to be adopted?”, asked another child
“It means”, said the girl, “that you grew in your mommy’s heart instead of her tummy!”
One Liner
A mother touches a whole generation by loving her own child well.
mikeshumor 