A minister told his congregation, “Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17.”

The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17.

Every hand went up.

The minister smiled and said, “Mark has only sixteen chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying.”

One Liner
“When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.”

Thought for the day
“Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts … praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people.” (Acts 2:46-47a NIV)

God blesses churches that worship him joyfully. Truth is, God loves a good celebration. He blesses people who celebrate him! The early Church is a great example of that.

The young suitor was determined to win the heart of the girl he wanted to marry, in spite of her rejection of his proposals a number of times.

He began what can only be called “Campaigning” and sent her a small token of his affection every day for a month to her house.

Soon, the young lady fell in love with the UPS man.

One Liner
“God loves you, but He likes me best.”

Thought for the day
Acts 2:44-45 says, “All the believers were together and had everything in common. Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need.” (NIV) The early church didn’t just give their money. They were generous with everything they had. You could say they were radically generous.

What would happen through our churches if we were just as radically generous?

“Driver’s Test”

It was just another day at the DMV. I had taken a woman out on her driving test when a police cruiser came up behind us–sirens wailing, lights flashing.
“Was I speeding?” she asked the officer, after both cars pulled over.
“No,” said the officer. “But you are driving a stolen vehicle.”
Smiling awkwardly, the woman turned to me. “Does this mean I failed my test?”

One LINER
As I said before, I never repeat myself.

Thought for the day
Psalm 22:7-8 All who see me mock me; 
they hurl insults, shaking their heads: 8 “He trusts in the Lord; 
let the Lord rescue him. 
Let him deliver him, 
since he delights in him.”

Unbelieving people often mock believers for their faith, but ridicule cannot destroy true faith.

While reviewing math symbols with my second-grade pupils, I drew a greater-than (>) and a less-than (<) sign on the chalkboard and asked, “Does anyone remember what these mean?”

A few moments passed, and then a boy confidently raised his hand. “One means fast-forward,” he exclaimed, “and the other means rewind!”

One Liner
“A worldly man is one who’s plans all stop at the grave.” – William McDonnald

Thought for the day
“Correct your children while there is still hope; do not let them destroy themselves.” (Proverbs 19:18 NCV)

We all need correction at times, because no one is perfect. If I don’t discipline my kids, it means I’m willing to participate in their destruction.

Three students are leaving their last classes of the day.

The law student is thinking, “I’m tired and thirsty. I must have coffee.”

The English student is thinking, “I’m tired and thirsty. I must have a latte.”

The medical student is thinking, “I’m tired and thirsty. I must have diabetes.”

One Liner
A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words.

Thought for the day
“If you wait for perfect conditions, you will never get anything done.” (Ecclesiastes 11:4 NLT)

God expects you to do what you can with what you have and wherever you are. Less-than-perfect service is always better than the best intention.

A guy did system support in a law firm. One day, he had to log a user off and then back on. He entered her initials and then she gave me her password. Her password was “genius”.

After three tries and the system telling him “access denied,” he asked her how to spell it.

She said, “G – E – N – I – O – U – S.”

One Liner
“It’s not a bug – it’s just an undocumented feature”

Thought for the day
Isaiah 26:3 says, “You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you!” When you spend time with the Lord, you turn your thoughts to him. Then, you get along better with others, because he keeps perfect peace in your heart, and you’re not as irritable.