ohn: What’s the difference between a lemon, an elephant, and a bag of cement?

Philip: I give up, what’s the difference?

John: You can squeeze a lemon, but you can’t squeeze an elephant.

Philip: What about the bag of cement?

John: I just threw that in to make it hard.

One Liner

Common sense is not a gift. It’s a punishment because you have to deal with everyone who doesn’t have it.

Celebrating 20 years of MIKESHUMOR – May 2004 to 2024

mikeshumor provides clean humor for all its readers to live out our motto, “He who laughs, lasts!” 

Since our beginning in May 2004, mikeshumor has provided a laugh, humor and encouragement to readers of all ages!  If you have clean humor or one liners that you would like us to consider publishing, email it to mikeshumor@gmail.com  

mikeshumor is a free blog …. However donations are welcome!  Since May 21, readers have the opportunity to make a donation.  Donations are not tax-deductible, but they do help cover direct costs associated with our website, domain and various online services.

Thank you for being a loyal reader – and make sure you pass the humor along!!

A guy walks into a shoe store and asks for a pair of shoes, size 8. The obviously well trained salesman says, “But sir, you take an 11 or eleven-and-a-half.”
“Just bring me a size eight.”

The sales guy brings them and the man stuffs his feet into them and stands up in obvious pain. He turns to the salesman and says, “I’ve lost my house to the I.R.S., I live with my mother-in-law, my daughter ran off with my best friend, and my business has filed Chapter 7.”

“The only pleasure I have left is to come home at night and take my shoes off.”

One Liner

Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I知 not going to spread it.

Celebrating 20 years of MIKESHUMOR – May 2004 to 2024

mikeshumor provides clean humor for all its readers to live out our motto, “He who laughs, lasts!” 

Since our beginning in May 2004, mikeshumor has provided a laugh, humor and encouragement to readers of all ages!  If you have clean humor or one liners that you would like us to consider publishing, email it to mikeshumor@gmail.com  

mikeshumor is a free blog …. However donations are welcome!  Since May 21, readers have the opportunity to make a donation.  Donations are not tax-deductible, but they do help cover direct costs associated with our website, domain and various online services.

Thank you for being a loyal reader – and make sure you pass the humor along!!

Judge: Silence in court! The next person who laughs again will be thrown out of court.

Accused: Hahahaha

Judge: I wasn’t talking to you!

One Liner

Even if you’ve been fishing for 3 hours and haven’t gotten anything except poison ivy and a sunburn, you’re still better off than the worm.

Celebrating 20 years of MIKESHUMOR – May 2004 to 2024

mikeshumor provides clean humor for all its readers to live out our motto, “He who laughs, lasts!” 

Since our beginning in May 2004, mikeshumor has provided a laugh, humor and encouragement to readers of all ages!  If you have clean humor or one liners that you would like us to consider publishing, email it to mikeshumor@gmail.com  

mikeshumor is a free blog …. However donations are welcome!  Since May 21, readers have the opportunity to make a donation.  Donations are not tax-deductible, but they do help cover direct costs associated with our website, domain and various online services.

Thank you for being a loyal reader – and make sure you pass the humor along!!

I was out walking with my then 4-year-old daughter. She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I asked her not to do that.

“Why?”

“Because it’s been laying outside and is dirty and probably has germs.”

At this point, she looked at me with total admiration and asked, “Wow! How do you know all this stuff?”

“Uh,” I was thinking quickly, everyone knows this stuff, “Um, it’s on the Mommy test. You have to know it, or they don’t let you be a Mommy.”

“Oh.”

We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently pondering this new information.

“I get it!” she beamed. “Then if you flunk, you have to be the Daddy.” 

One Liner

For those who watch my life and gossip about it, don’t give up! Season 2 is coming.

Celebrating 20 years of MIKESHUMOR – May 2004 to 2024

mikeshumor provides clean humor for all its readers to live out our motto, “He who laughs, lasts!” 

Since our beginning in May 2004, mikeshumor has provided a laugh, humor and encouragement to readers of all ages!  If you have clean humor or one liners that you would like us to consider publishing, email it to mikeshumor@gmail.com  

mikeshumor is a free blog …. However, donations are welcome!  Beginning May 21, readers now have the opportunity to make a donation.  Donations are not tax-deductible, but they do help cover direct costs associated with our website, domain and various online services.

Cop: You know how fast you were going?

Guy: Sorry officer, I was just trying to catch up with traffic.

Cop: What traffic? The road is empty.

Guy: Yeah, that’s how far behind I am.

One Liner

Having a job is nice, but it interferes with my life.

Celebrating 20 years of MIKESHUMOR – May 2004 to 2024

mikeshumor provides clean humor for all its readers to live out our motto, “He who laughs, lasts!” 

Since our beginning in May 2004, mikeshumor has provided a laugh, humor and encouragement to readers of all ages!  If you have clean humor or one liners that you would like us to consider publishing, email it to mikeshumor@gmail.com  

mikeshumor is a free blog …. However, donations are welcome!  Beginning May 21, readers now have the opportunity to make a donation.  Donations are not tax-deductible, but they do help cover direct costs associated with our website, domain and various online services.

Every time the man next door headed toward Robinson’s house, Robinson knew he was coming to borrow something. “He won’t get away with it this time,” muttered Robinson to his wife. “Watch this.”

“Er, I wonder if you’d be using your power-saw this morning,” the neighbor began.

“Gee, I’m awfully sorry,” said Robinson with a smug look, “but the fact of the matter is, I’ll be using it all day.”

“In that case,” said the neighbor, “you won’t be using your golf clubs, mind if I borrow them?”

One Liner

If you melt dry ice, can you swim in it and not get wet?

Celebrating 20 years of MIKESHUMOR – May 2004 to 2024

mikeshumor provides clean humor for all its readers to live out our motto, “He who laughs, lasts!” 

Since our beginning in May 2004, mikeshumor has provided a laugh, humor and encouragement to readers of all ages!  If you have clean humor or one liners that you would like us to consider publishing, email it to mikeshumor@gmail.com  

mikeshumor is a free blog …. However, donations are welcome!  Beginning May 21, readers now have the opportunity to make a donation.  Donations are not tax-deductible, but they do help cover direct costs associated with our website, domain and various online services.