At a wedding, the DJ polled the guests to see who had been married longest.  The bride’s grandparents took the honors.

The DJ asked them: “What advice would you give to the newly-married couple?”

The grandma said: “The three most important words in a marriage are, ‘You’re probably right.'”

Everyone then looked at the grandpa for his answer. He, wisely, answered: “She’s probably right.”

One Liner
Time is a great healer, but a lousy beautician.

Thought for the day
“As she stood behind Jesus at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them.” Luke 7:38 (NIV)

You don’t have to clean up your act before you can worship God. Just worship him and he’ll clean up your act. You don’t repent and confess in order to earn forgiveness. You change your ways because you’ve been forgiven

A knight and his men returned to their castle after a long hard day of fighting.

“How are we faring?” asks the king.

“Sire,” replies the knight, “I have been robbing and pillaging on your behalf all day, burning the towns of your enemies in the west.”

“What?!?” shrieks the king. “I don’t have any enemies to the west!”

“Oh,” says the knight. “Well, you do now.”

One Liner
I’m all out of clever things to say.

Thought for the day
“Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.” Matthew 11:29-30 (MSG)

Jesus calls us to a level of intimacy that can only be sustained by his constant presence in our lives. 

A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin 5, and Ryan 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.

Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. “If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, ‘Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'”

Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, “Ryan, you be Jesus!” 

One Liner
A new report found that Facebook has created more than 450,000 jobs. Unfortunately, photos posted on Facebook have ended 550,000 jobs.

Thought for the day
“Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But whoever looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues in it—not forgetting what they have heard, but doing it—they will be blessed in what they do.” (James 1:22-25 NIV)

James calls God’s Word a mirror. The mirror helps us evaluate ourselves. Once you look at a mirror, you can decide if you need to make any changes before you leave for the day. The Bible helps us do that, too.

Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house together. One night the 96-year-old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other sisters, “Was I getting in or out of the bath?”

The 94-year-old yells back, “I don’t know. I’ll come up and see.”

She starts up the stairs and pauses, “Was I going up the stairs or down?”

The 92-year-old was sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, “I’m sure glad I never get that forgetful, knock on wood…”

She then yells, “I’ll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who’s at the door.”

One Liner
I looked into my family tree and found out I was a sap.

Thought for the day
“Other seed fell on shallow soil with underlying rock. This seed began to grow, but soon it withered and died for lack of moisture.” Luke 8:6 (NLT)

If you don’t make time for God, you are not going to hear from God. You have to slow down and be quiet so you can hear him. When you are in a hurry you can’t hear God. 

My friend likes to read his two young sons fairy tales at night. Having a deep-rooted sense of humor, he often ad-libs parts of the stories for fun.
 
One day his youngest son was sitting in his first grade class as the teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs.
 
She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to acquire building materials for his home. She said, “…and so the pig went up to the man with a wheelbarrow full of straw and said ‘Pardon me, sir, but might I have some of that straw to build my house with?'”
 
Then the teacher asked the class, “And what do you think that man said?” and my friend’s son raised his hand and said, “I know! I know!
 
He said: ‘Holy smokes! A talking pig!'”
 
The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

One Liner
People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them that Benjamin Franklin said it first.

Thought for the day
“Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock.” (Matthew 7:24 NIV)

The foundation of a house tells you how big the house can get. You can’t put a big house on a small or faulty foundation. It’ll collapse every time.  The same is true for our lives. You can’t become what God wants you to be on a faulty foundation. 

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, “Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?”

Her mother replied, “Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.”

The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, “Momma, how come ALL of grandma’s hairs are white?”

One Liner
I’d like to be the ideal mother, but I’m too busy raising my kids.

Thought for the day
“In the same way that you gave me a mission in the world, I give them a mission in the world.” (John 17:18 MSG)

Jesus released the disciples to serve God’s purposes.

As a parent, I am responsible to protect my kids as they’re growing up, but that doesn’t mean I protect them from taking risks for the glory of God. You can be so over-protective that you do not release your kids emotionally or maybe even physically to do what God wants them to.