NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS YOU CAN KEEP

Are you sick of making the same resolutions year after year that you never keep? Why not promise to do something you can ACTUALLY accomplish?

Here are some resolutions that you can use as a starting point

~ Gain weight. At least 30 pounds.

~ Stop exercising. Waste of time.

~ Read less. Makes you think.

~ Watch more TV. I’ve been missing some good stuff.

~ Procrastinate more. Starting tomorrow.

~ Spend more time at work, surfing the web.

~ Take a vacation to someplace important, like to see the world’s largest ball of twine.

~ Don’t jump off a cliff just because everyone else did.

~ Stop bringing lunch from home–eat out more.

~ Don’t have eight children at once.

~ Get in a whole NEW rut!

~ Start being superstitious.

~ Personal goal: Don’t bring back disco.

~ Speak in a monotone voice and only use monosyllabic words.

~ Only wear jeans that are 2 sizes too small and use a chain or rope for a belt.

~ Spend my summer vacation in cyberspace.

~ Create loose ends.

~ Get more toys.

~ Get further in debt.

~ Don’t believe politicians.

~ Break at least one traffic law.

~ Don’t drive a motorized vehicle across thin ice.

~ Don’t swim with piranhas or sharks.

~ Spread out priorities beyond the ability to keep track of them.

~ Wait for opportunity to knock.

~ Focus on the faults of others.

~ Mope about faults.

~ Never make New Year’s resolutions again.

One Liner
Aim low. Reach your goals. Avoid disappointment.

Thought for the day
Start a Bible Reading Plan in 2015
http://www.bible.com

15 EXERCISES WE’D BE BETTER OFF WITHOUT IN 2016…

~ Jumping on the bandwagon

~ Wading through paperwork

~ Running around in circles

~ Pushing your luck

~ Spinning your wheels

~ Adding fuel to the fire

~ Beating your head against the wall

~ Climbing the walls

~ Beating your own drum

~ Dragging your heels

~ Jumping to conclusions

~ Grasping at straws

~ Fishing for compliments

~ Throwing your weight around

~ Passing the buck

One Liner
With high-definition TV everything looks bigger and wider. Kind of like going to your 25th high school reunion.

Thought for the day
Proverbs 14:12 says, “There is a way that appears to be right, but in the end it leads to death” (NIV). We’ve all made decisions that at the time seemed right but later on turned out to be wrong. Some paths lead to dead ends and we end up off track. That’s why we need to admit, “God, I need help.”

RECIPE FOR A PROSPEROUS, PEACEFUL YEAR

Take twelve, fine, full-grown months, see that these are free from all old memories of bitterness, rancor, hate and jealousy; cleanse them completely from every clinging spite: pick off all specks of pettiness and littleness; in short, see that these months are freed as much as possible from the past.

Cut these months into 29, 30 or 31 equal parts. This batch will keep for just one year. Do not attempt to make up the whole batch at one time (so many persons spoil the entire lot in this way), but prepare one day at a time, as follows:

Into each day put

twelve parts of faith,

eleven of patience,

ten of courage,

nine of work,

eight of hope,

seven of fidelity,

six of liberality,

five of kindness,

four of rest,

three of prayer,

two of meditation,

and one well selected resolution.

If you have no conscientious scruples, put in about a teaspoonful of good spirits, a dash of fun, a pinch of folly, a sprinkling of play, and a heaping cupful of good humor.

Pour into the whole love ad libitum and mix with a vim. Cook thoroughly in a fervent heat; garnish with a few smiles and a sprig of joy; then serve with quietness, unselfishness, and cheerfulness, and a Happy New Year is certain.

One Liner
Flexible people never get bent out of shape.

Thought for the day
“He guides the humble in what is right and teaches them his way.” (Psalm 25:9 NIV)

The Bible says there are several things we need to do to receive guidance from God, but the very first thing is this: We need to admit we need a guide!

As our pastor’s sermon stretched on, my daughter grew impatient and started to talk.

“Shh,” I whispered. “I want to hear the sermon.”

Later that week, we saw our pastor while shopping. We exchanged greetings, and as we walked away, I asked my daughter, “Do you know who that was?”

“Sure,” she replied. “That was the Sermon.”

One LINER
Remember, if Christmas isn’t found in your heart, you won’t find it under a tree.” 
~Charlotte Carpenter.

Thought for the day
“I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people.” Luke 2:10 (NIV)

God, through his angel, tells us that embedded in Christmas is good news of such great joy that, if we believe it, we won’t be able to contain the celebration within us.

God’s good news – the joy of Christmas is based on three things: (1) God loves us; (2) God is with us; (3) God is for us. Can you hear the celebration in that?!

Here are ten useful phrases for responding to Christmas presents you would rather not have received:

1. Thanks a lot!

2. My word! What a gift.

3. Well, well, well …

4. If I hadn’t put on so much weight recently it would have fitted me perfectly.

5. Gosh, I hope I never lose this. We’re always losing things around here.

6. It’s great; but I’m worried about the envy it may create.

7. Just my luck to get this on the very Christmas I promised to give all my gifts to charity.

8. Unfortunately, I am about to enter MI5’s Witness Protection programme.

9. Frankly, I don’t deserve this.

10. Really, you shouldn’t have.

One Liner
“I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.”

Thought for the day
God’s message at Christmastime is “Don’t be afraid!” (Luke 2:10 NIV) Release your anxieties; let go of your fears.