Now that the metric system is in wide use all over the world, we can see why Americans have not adopted it:

A miss is as good as 1.6 kilometers.
Put your best .3 of a meter forward.
Spare the 5.03 meters and spoil the child.
Twenty-eight grams of prevention is worth 453 grams of cure.
Give a man 2.5 centimeters and he’ll take 1.6 kilometers.
Peter Piper picked 8.8 liters of pickled peppers.

One Liner
I’ve learned that, regardless of your relationship with your parents, you’ll miss them when they’re gone from your life.

Thought for the day
The world is so negative that the last thing kids need when they come home is more negativity. Colossians 3:21 says, “Do not nag your children. If you are too hard to please, they may want to stop trying” (NCV).

Liz goes to her first show at an art gallery and is looking at the paintings.

One is a huge canvas that has black with yellow blobs of paint splattered all over it.

The next painting is a murky gray color that has drips of purple paint streaked across it.

Liz walks over to the artist and says, “I don’t understand your paintings.”

“I paint what I feel inside me,” explains the artist.

“Have you ever tried Alka-Seltzer?”

One Liner
“Background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.”

Thought for the day
Ecclesiastes 10:8 says, “When you work in a quarry, stones might fall and crush you! When you chop wood, there is danger with each stroke of your ax! Such are the risks of life” (NLT). There’s nothing we can do that doesn’t have some element of risk in it.

But the greatest risk of all is how we relate to other people and how we relate to God – the risk to do something about those relationships.

Guaranteed to roll your eyes:

What did the mushroom say when he was kicked out of the nightclub?

“Don’t kick me out, I’m a fun-guy!”

One Liner
Confidence is that feeling you have just before you fully understand the situation.

Thought for the day
At its core, confidence is a spiritual problem. There’s plenty of phony advice in the world about how to gain confidence. Yet none of it works. The secret to confidence is to get in tune with God every day.

The Bible says, “Reverence for the Lord gives confidence and security to a man and his family” (Proverbs 14:26 GNB).

Edward Hale, while chaplain of the U.S. Senate, was asked, “Do you pray for the senators?”

He quickly replied, “No. After getting to know the senators, I pray for the people.”

One Liner
I’m not bald…I’m just taller than my hair.

Thought for the day
“…it is a serious mistake to suppose that to be filled with the Spirit of Jesus Christ is a kind of spiritual inebriation in which we lose control of ourselves. On the contrary, self control is the final quality named as the fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 5:22-23. Under the influence of the Spirit, we do not lose control; we gain it.” – John Stott

You Know You’re In Trouble When…

… Your accountant’s letter of resignation is postmarked Zurich.
… Your suggestion box starts ticking.
… Your secretary tells you the FBI is on line 1, the DA is on line 2, and CBS is on line 3.
… You make more than you ever made, owe more than you ever owed, and have less than you’ve ever had.
… The simple instructions enclosed aren’t.
… People send your wife sympathy cards on your anniversary.
… The plumber floats by on your kitchen table.

One Liner
“For every credibility gap, there is a gullibility gap.”

Thought for the day
“Do yourself a favor and learn all you can; then remember what you learn and you will prosper” (Proverbs 19:8 TEV). The solution to most of life’s problems is training. So learn all you can.

The first-time father, beside himself with excitement over the birth of his son, was determined to do everything right.

“So, tell me, Nurse,” he asked as his new family headed out the hospital door, “what time should we wake the little guy in the morning?”

One Liner
No sense being pessimistic; it probably won’t work anyway.

Thought for the day
“Jesus said, ‘I am the way, the truth, and the life; no man comes to the Father but by me.’ On the surface, that seems the most intolerant of statements. Think of any man on the stage of human history claiming to be the supreme embodiment of all psychological, scientific, and religious truth! He was either an egomaniac, a liar, or He was what He claimed to be. By faith I accepted Him for what He claimed to be, the Son of the Living God. That simple decision changed my life – and I have seen it change the lives of countless others across the world.” – Billy Graham