Sam had been extremely nervous while his wife was giving birth to their first child. When the nurse came to the waiting room, he said, “Quick, tell me! Am I a mother or a father?!”

One Liner
Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.

Thought for the day
“Give us this day our daily bread.” Matthew 6:7-9 (NCV)

Jesus didn’t say, “Give us this day our monthly bread” or “our weekly bread.” He said “daily bread” because we need to learn to depend on God twenty-four hours at a time.

While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an Amish horse-drawn carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because attached to the back of the carriage was this hand printed sign: “Energy efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do not step in exhaust.”

One Liner
It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.

Thought for the day
Instead, there must be a spiritual renewal of your thoughts and attitudes.” (Ephesians 4:23 NLT)

Change requires new thinking. As we’ve discussed, in order to change, we must learn the truth and start making good choices, but we also must change the way we think.

After the christening of his baby brother in church, little Johnny sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong. Finally, the boy replied, “That priest said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I want to stay with you guys!”

One LINER
A little child in church for the first time watched as the ushers passed the offering plates. When they neared the pew where he sat, the youngster piped up so that everyone could hear: “Don’t pay for me Daddy, I’m under five.”

Thought for the day
The Bible says, “Let everything you do reflect your love of the truth and the fact that you were in dead earnest about it.” (Titus 2:7) There’s a lot in the Bible that I don’t understand and that makes me uncomfortable. But the fact is, it is the truth. It is a map that always takes me where it promises.

“Jesus told him, ‘I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me. If you had really known me, you would know who my Father is. From now on, you do know him and have seen him!'” (John 14:6-7, NLT)

For our first New Year’s together as a married couple, my wife offered me a choice of pumpkin pie, cheesecake or orange-date cake.

“Pumpkin pie,” I requested.

“We’ve been eating pumpkin pie since Thanksgiving,” Nancy protested.

“Can’t you choose something else?”

“Okay,” I replied, “how about cheesecake?”

Making a face, Nancy said, “After all that rich food you ate over Christmas, surely you don’t want cheesecake.

Recognizing my limited options, I then selected orange-date cake.

“Oh, I’m glad you chose that one,” Nancy said. “Orange-date cake is a New Year’s tradition in our family.”

One Liner
“A New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.”

Thought for the day
If the Apostle Paul made New Year’s resolutions, my thought is he only had one resolution on his list: “[This year] I resolve to know nothing but Christ and him crucified” (1 Corinthians 2:2).

NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS YOU CAN KEEP

Are you sick of making the same resolutions year after year that you never keep? Why not promise to do something you can ACTUALLY accomplish?

Here are some resolutions that you can use as a starting point

~ Gain weight. At least 30 pounds.

~ Stop exercising. Waste of time.

~ Read less. Makes you think.

~ Watch more TV. I’ve been missing some good stuff.

~ Procrastinate more. Starting tomorrow.

~ Spend more time at work, surfing the web.

~ Take a vacation to someplace important, like to see the world’s largest ball of twine.

~ Don’t jump off a cliff just because everyone else did.

~ Stop bringing lunch from home–eat out more.

~ Don’t have eight children at once.

~ Get in a whole NEW rut!

~ Start being superstitious.

~ Personal goal: Don’t bring back disco.

~ Speak in a monotone voice and only use monosyllabic words.

~ Only wear jeans that are 2 sizes too small and use a chain or rope for a belt.

~ Spend my summer vacation in cyberspace.

~ Create loose ends.

~ Get more toys.

~ Get further in debt.

~ Don’t believe politicians.

~ Break at least one traffic law.

~ Don’t drive a motorized vehicle across thin ice.

~ Don’t swim with piranhas or sharks.

~ Spread out priorities beyond the ability to keep track of them.

~ Wait for opportunity to knock.

~ Focus on the faults of others.

~ Mope about faults.

~ Never make New Year’s resolutions again.

One Liner
Aim low. Reach your goals. Avoid disappointment.

Thought for the day
Start a Bible Reading Plan in 2015
http://www.bible.com

TOP TEN PREDICTIONS FOR 2011

(…which are good to remember during these difficult times in our country and the world. Be strong in the LORD and love Him with your whole heart!)

10. The Bible Will Still Have The Answers

9. Prayer Will Still Work

8. The Holy Spirit Will Still Move Throughout The World

7. God Will Still Inhabit The Praises Of His People

6. There Will Still Be God-Anointed Preaching

5. The Church Will Still Grow

4. God Will Still Pour Out Blessings On His People

3. There Will Still Be Room At The Cross

2. Jesus Will Still Love You

1. Jesus Will Still Save The Lost

Be glad some things never change!

One Liner
Christians are like tea; their strength is drawn out by hot water.

Thought of the Day
1 John 2:15-16
Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For everything in the world – the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes, and the boasting of what he has and does – comes not from the Father but from the world.

Love for the world and things can get you in trouble. Some people even think they will make us happy or fill the empty places in our hearts.

15 EXERCISES WE’D BE BETTER OFF WITHOUT IN 2014…

~ Jumping on the bandwagon

~ Wading through paperwork

~ Running around in circles

~ Pushing your luck

~ Spinning your wheels

~ Adding fuel to the fire

~ Beating your head against the wall

~ Climbing the walls

~ Beating your own drum

~ Dragging your heels

~ Jumping to conclusions

~ Grasping at straws

~ Fishing for compliments

~ Throwing your weight around

~ Passing the buck

One Liner
With high-definition TV everything looks bigger and wider. Kind of like going to your 25th high school reunion.

Thought for the day
Proverbs 14:12 says, “There is a way that appears to be right, but in the end it leads to death” (NIV). We’ve all made decisions that at the time seemed right but later on turned out to be wrong. Some paths lead to dead ends and we end up off track. That’s why we need to admit, “God, I need help.”

RECIPE FOR A PROSPEROUS, PEACEFUL YEAR

Take twelve, fine, full-grown months, see that these are free from all old memories of bitterness, rancor, hate and jealousy; cleanse them completely from every clinging spite: pick off all specks of pettiness and littleness; in short, see that these months are freed as much as possible from the past.

Cut these months into 29, 30 or 31 equal parts. This batch will keep for just one year. Do not attempt to make up the whole batch at one time (so many persons spoil the entire lot in this way), but prepare one day at a time, as follows:

Into each day put

twelve parts of faith,

eleven of patience,

ten of courage,

nine of work,

eight of hope,

seven of fidelity,

six of liberality,

five of kindness,

four of rest,

three of prayer,

two of meditation,

and one well selected resolution.

If you have no conscientious scruples, put in about a teaspoonful of good spirits, a dash of fun, a pinch of folly, a sprinkling of play, and a heaping cupful of good humor.

Pour into the whole love ad libitum and mix with a vim. Cook thoroughly in a fervent heat; garnish with a few smiles and a sprig of joy; then serve with quietness, unselfishness, and cheerfulness, and a Happy New Year is certain.

One Liner
Flexible people never get bent out of shape.

Thought for the day
“He guides the humble in what is right and teaches them his way.” (Psalm 25:9 NIV)

The Bible says there are several things we need to do to receive guidance from God, but the very first thing is this: We need to admit we need a guide!