Who says today’s kids aren’t smart? At a high school in Montana a group of high schoolers played a prank on the school. They let 3 goats loose in the school. Before they let them go they painted numbers on the sides of the goats..1-2-4.

Local school administrators spent most of the day looking for #3.

One Liner
To be sure of always hitting the target: Shoot first and, whatever you hit, call it the target.

Thought of the day
You need to accept God’s Word as your authority. Why? Because it is the only source that will never lie to you. If you’re going to be a man or woman of courage, you need to build your life on the rock that never changes, not on popular opinion. Build your life on the understanding that “God said it, I believe it, and that settles it — whether I understand it or not.” Hebrews 6:18 says, “God has given both his promise and his oath. These two things are unchangeable because it is impossible for God to lie. Therefore, we who have fled to him for refuge can have great confidence as we hold to the hope that lies before us” (NLT).

When a guy’s printer type began to grow faint, he called a local repair shop where a friendly man informed him that the printer probably needed only to be cleaned.

Because the store charged $50 for such cleanings, he told him he might be better off reading the printer’s manual and trying the job himself.

Pleasantly surprised by his candor, he asked, “Does your boss know that you discourage business?”

“Actually, it’s my boss’s idea,” the employee replied sheepishly.

“We usually make more money on repairs if we let people try to fix things themselves first.”

One Liner
“Insanity is hereditary: you get it from your kids.”

Thought for the day
The Bible says that when we are finally able to see Jesus perfectly, we will become perfectly like him: “We can’t even imagine what we will be like when Christ returns. But we do know that when he comes we will be like him, for we will see him as he really is” (1 John 3:2 NLT).

It was a cold winter day. An old man walked out onto a frozen lake, cut a hole in the ice and dropped in his fishing line. He was there for almost an hour, without even a nibble, when a young boy walked out onto the ice, cut a hole in the ice not far from him. The young boy dropped his fishing line and minutes later he hooked a Largemouth Bass.

The old man couldn’t believe his eyes but chalked it up to plain luck. But, shortly thereafter, the young boy pulled in another large catch.

The young boy kept catching fish after fish. Finally, the old man couldn’t take it any longer. “Son, I’ve been here for over an hour without even a nibble. You’ve been here only a few minutes and have caught a half dozen fish! How do you do it?”

The boy responded, “Roo raf roo reep ra rums rrarm.”

“What was that?” the old man asked.

Again the boy responded, “Roo raf roo reep ra rums rarrm.”

“Look,” said the old man, “I can’t understand a word you’re saying.”

The boy spit the contents of his mouth into his hand and said, “You have to keep the worms warm!”

One Liner
Sign in a barber shop: All of our customers make us happy: some by arriving, some by leaving.

Thought for the day
“Our love for each other proves that we have gone from death to life.” (1 John 3:14 CEV)

If I have no love for others, no desire to serve others, and I’m only concerned about my needs, I should question whether Christ is really in my life. A saved heart is one that wants to serve.

Calling For Tech Support?
(sound familiar?)

Ring… Ring… Ring… Ring… Ring…. Ring… Ring… Ring… Ring… Ring… Ring… Ring…Ring… Ring… Ring… Ring… Ring… Ring… Ring… Ring…Ring…

Automated Answer:

“Thank you for calling Technical Support.

“All of our technicians are currently busy helping people even less competent than you, so please hold for the next available technician.

“The waiting time is now estimated at between 15 minutes and eternity. In order to expedite your call, please punch your 63-digit product identification number onto your telephone touch pad, followed by your product serial number, which can be found in a secret compartment inside your computer where, for security purposes, it is printed in the smallest typeface known to mankind.

“Do that now.”

One Liner
An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

Thought for the day
“I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds” (John 12:24 NIV).

The problem is we tend to get impatient, so we dig up the seed to check the progress of its growth, and that slows down our growth! If you’re not seeing as much fruit as you’d like, don’t despair. Growth takes time.

The tall, handsome, confident gentleman walked over to the girl and made a disparaging remark about the men who had been chatting her up.

She laughed gaily, “When I don’t want a man’s attentions,” she confided, “and he asks where I live, I just say, ‘I’m visiting here’.”

“Ha-ha,” he laughed, relishing her humor. “Where do you really live?”

“I’m just visiting here.”

One Liner
A doting father used to sing his little children to sleep until he overheard the four-year-old tell the three-year-old, “If you pretend you’re asleep, he stops.”

Thought for the day
Your character is essentially the sum of your habits; it is how you habitually act. The Bible says, “Put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness” (Ephesians 4:24 NIV).

A lawyer, doctor, and preacher went hunting together. When a prize buck ran past them they all fired at the exact same moment and the buck dropped.

However, there was only one bullet hole and they didn’t know which of them shot it. So they took it to the registration center, not knowing who should tag it.

The agent said, “Let me look at the deer. Sometimes I can figure it out.”

He asked a few questions, examined the deer carefully, and declared, “The preacher shot this buck!”

Amazed, they all asked how he knew. Stooping down he pointed out the wound, “See here. It went in one ear and out the other.”

One Liner
I used to work as a trapeze artist. Until I was let go.

Thought for the day
“‘Bring to the storehouse a full tenth of what you earn. . . . Test me in this,’ says the Lord All-Powerful. ‘I will open the windows of heaven for you and pour out all the blessings you need.’” Malachi 3:10 (NCV)