A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. The next week, the man realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight to Chicago. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (AND LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, “Please wake me at 5:00 AM.”

The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and that he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn’t awoke him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.

The paper said, “It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.”

One Liner
“My wife and I had words, but I didn’t get to use mine.”

Thought for the day
The Lord gave me this answer, ‘Write down clearly…what I reveal to you…’” (Habakkuk 2:2 TEV)

Writing down what God reveals to us is the spiritual habit of journaling. This is not the same as keeping a diary. A diary is, ‘Dear diary, this is what I did today.’ A journal is, ‘This is what I learned today.’ So it’s not about what you did, it’s about what you are learning, what you are praying, and what God is saying to you.

Two women were walking down a street when they spotted a frog. The frog looked up and said, “I used to be a handsome, wealthy stockbroker, but I was turned into a frog. If one of you kisses me, I will be turned back into my original self. And I will be mighty grateful.”

One of the women stooped down, picked up the frog and placed him in her purse. The two friends walked on for a while, but the other finally got curious and said, “Aren’t you going to kiss the frog and turn him back to what he was?”

“Nah,” she replied. “I’d rather have a talking frog.”

One Liner
“When you get older, lack of pep is often mistaken for patience.”

Thought for the day
When we obey God, even in small ways, “we find ourselves standing where we always hoped we might stand—out in the wide open spaces of God’s grace and glory, standing tall and shouting our praise.” (Romans 5:2 MSG)

“I have e-mail, a pager, a cell phone, a fax line. I’ve got an answering machine, three phone lines at home, one in my purse, and a phone in my car. The only excuse I have if I don’t return your call is I just don’t like you.”

One liner
I had an uncle who was the most polite man who ever lived. He was so polite, his tombstone reads, “Pardon me for not standing.”

Thought for the day
God asked. “Did you eat the fruit that I told you not to eat?” The man answered, “The woman you put here with me gave me the fruit, and I ate it.” The LORD God asked the woman, “Why did you do this?” She replied, “The snake tricked me into eating it.” Genesis 3:11-13 (TEV)

When God found Adam eating fruit in the garden, Adam stood up like a man and blamed it on Eve. Eve, wanting to set a better example, blamed it on the snake. And in the twisted, pretzel logic only a snake can have, the snake — in a sense — blamed it on God.

Embedded in our fallen nature is the instinct to not only dodge the blame ourselves, but also shift the blame to someone or something else.

THE GOLDBERG BROTHERS – THE INVENTORS OF THE AUTOMOBILE AIR CONDITIONER

The four Goldberg brothers – Lowell, Norman, Hiram, and Max – invented and developed the first automobile air-conditioner.

On July 17, 1946, the temperature in Detroit was 97 degrees. The four brothers walked into old man Henry Ford’s office and sweet-talked his secretary into telling him that four gentlemen were there with the most exciting innovation in the auto industry since the electric starter.

Henry was curious and invited them into his office. They refused and instead asked that he come out to the parking lot One to their car.

They persuaded him to get into the car, which was about 130 degrees, turned on the air conditioner, and cooled the car off immediately.

The old man got very excited and invited them back to the office, where he offered them $3 million for the patent.

The brothers refused, saying they would settle for $2 million, but they wanted the recognition by having a label – The Goldberg Air-Conditioner – on the dashboard of each car in which it was installed.

Now old man Ford was proud of the Ford name, and there was no way he was going to put the Goldberg’s name on two million Ford cars.

They haggled back and forth for about two hours and finally agreed on $4 million and that just their first names would be shown.

And so to this day, all Ford air conditioners show Lo, Norm, Hi, and Max on the controls.

One Liner
“Ever since the invention of the calendar man’s days have been numbered.”

Thought for the day
Proverbs 23:7 As a man thinketh in his heart so he is. The way you think will dictate everything else about your life

Several weeks after a young man had been hired, he was called into the personnel director’s office. “What is the meaning of this?” the director asked. “When you applied for this job, you told us you had five years experience. Now we discovered this is the first job you’ve ever held.”

“Well,” the young man replied, “in your advertisement you said you wanted somebody with imagination.”

One Liner
If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked? 

Thought for the day
“Cast your bread upon the waters, for you will find it after many days” (Ecclesiastes 11:1 RSV).

Whatever you give to God, he multiplies.

A former Marine sergeant took a new job as a school teacher; but just before the school year started he injured his back. He was required to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. Fortunately, the cast fit under his shirt and wasn’t noticeable.

On the first day of class, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in the school. The smart-alecky punks, having already heard the new teacher was a former Marine, were leery of him. They decided to see how tough he really was, before trying any pranks.

Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, the new teacher opened the window wide and sat down at his desk. When a strong breeze made the teacher’s tie flap, he picked up a stapler and promptly stapled the tie to his chest.

He had no trouble with discipline that year.

One Liner
The batteries were given out free of charge.

Thought for the day
1 Thessalonians 2:12, “You should live in a way that proves you belong to the God who calls you into his kingdom and glory” (GW).

What does it mean to live in God’s Kingdom? It means you make God’s agenda your agenda. You make God’s will your will. You care about what God cares about. Whatever you want God to bless, put him first in that area.

When the doctor asked Chuck about what he did yesterday, he told him about his day: “Well, yesterday afternoon, I waded across the edge of a lake, escaped from a mountain lion in the heavy brush, marched up and down a mountain, stood in a patch of poison ivy, crawled out of quicksand, and jumped away from an aggressive rattlesnake.”

Inspired by his story, the doctor exclaimed, “Chuck, you must be an awesome outdoorsman!”

“No,” Chuck replied, “I’m just a lousy golfer.”

One Liner
“Time’s fun when you’re having flies.” (Kermit the Frog)

Thought for the day
“Accept each other just as Christ has accepted you so that God will be given glory” Romans 15:7 NLT

Did you know that every time you show love, it gives glory to God? Because God is love, and glory is revealing what God is really like.

The two window panes were arguing as to which one was made of the better glass.

One said to the other, “Well, you may think you are a better glass, but I know what you are trying to prove. Believe me, I can see right through you.”

One Liner
It’s been lovely but I have to scream now.

Thought for the day
“Whoever is faithful in small matters will be faithful in large ones; whoever is dishonest in small matters will be dishonest in large ones.” (Luke 16:10 GNT)

A common saying today is that “what you do in your private life is nobody’s business.” Well, it actually is. What you do in your private life — what you do behind closed doors or out of view of other people — builds and reveals your true character. And God sees it just as clearly as the things you do in public.