Monthly Archives: July 2016

Psalm 46:1

image

Advertisements

Humor – July 22

EXERCISE FOR PEOPLE OVER 50 (or who feel like it)

Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side.

With a 5-lb potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can.

Try to reach a full minute, and then relax. Each day you’ll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer.

After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato sacks. Then try 50-lb potato sacks and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb potato sack in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. (I’m at this level.)

After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each sack.

One Liner
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it has stopped snowing.

Thought for the day
“You must make allowance for each other’s faults and forgive the person who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.” Colossians 3:13 (NLT)

It’s tough being rejected, especially when it is by someone you love. It might be one of your kids, your spouse, or a close friend. But the Bible says you need to forgive that person because God forgave you.

Humor – July 21

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. The next week, the man realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight to Chicago. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (AND LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, “Please wake me at 5:00 AM.”

The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and that he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn’t awoke him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.

The paper said, “It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.”

One Liner
“My wife and I had words, but I didn’t get to use mine.”

Thought for the day
The Lord gave me this answer, ‘Write down clearly…what I reveal to you…’” (Habakkuk 2:2 TEV)

Writing down what God reveals to us is the spiritual habit of journaling. This is not the same as keeping a diary. A diary is, ‘Dear diary, this is what I did today.’ A journal is, ‘This is what I learned today.’ So it’s not about what you did, it’s about what you are learning, what you are praying, and what God is saying to you.

Humor -July 20

Two women were walking down a street when they spotted a frog. The frog looked up and said, “I used to be a handsome, wealthy stockbroker, but I was turned into a frog. If one of you kisses me, I will be turned back into my original self. And I will be mighty grateful.”

One of the women stooped down, picked up the frog and placed him in her purse. The two friends walked on for a while, but the other finally got curious and said, “Aren’t you going to kiss the frog and turn him back to what he was?”

“Nah,” she replied. “I’d rather have a talking frog.”

One Liner
“When you get older, lack of pep is often mistaken for patience.”

Thought for the day
When we obey God, even in small ways, “we find ourselves standing where we always hoped we might stand—out in the wide open spaces of God’s grace and glory, standing tall and shouting our praise.” (Romans 5:2 MSG)

Humor – July 19

“I have e-mail, a pager, a cell phone, a fax line. I’ve got an answering machine, three phone lines at home, one in my purse, and a phone in my car. The only excuse I have if I don’t return your call is I just don’t like you.”

One liner
I had an uncle who was the most polite man who ever lived. He was so polite, his tombstone reads, “Pardon me for not standing.”

Thought for the day
God asked. “Did you eat the fruit that I told you not to eat?” The man answered, “The woman you put here with me gave me the fruit, and I ate it.” The LORD God asked the woman, “Why did you do this?” She replied, “The snake tricked me into eating it.” Genesis 3:11-13 (TEV)

When God found Adam eating fruit in the garden, Adam stood up like a man and blamed it on Eve. Eve, wanting to set a better example, blamed it on the snake. And in the twisted, pretzel logic only a snake can have, the snake — in a sense — blamed it on God.

Embedded in our fallen nature is the instinct to not only dodge the blame ourselves, but also shift the blame to someone or something else.

Humor – July 18

THE GOLDBERG BROTHERS – THE INVENTORS OF THE AUTOMOBILE AIR CONDITIONER

The four Goldberg brothers – Lowell, Norman, Hiram, and Max – invented and developed the first automobile air-conditioner.

On July 17, 1946, the temperature in Detroit was 97 degrees. The four brothers walked into old man Henry Ford’s office and sweet-talked his secretary into telling him that four gentlemen were there with the most exciting innovation in the auto industry since the electric starter.

Henry was curious and invited them into his office. They refused and instead asked that he come out to the parking lot One to their car.

They persuaded him to get into the car, which was about 130 degrees, turned on the air conditioner, and cooled the car off immediately.

The old man got very excited and invited them back to the office, where he offered them $3 million for the patent.

The brothers refused, saying they would settle for $2 million, but they wanted the recognition by having a label – The Goldberg Air-Conditioner – on the dashboard of each car in which it was installed.

Now old man Ford was proud of the Ford name, and there was no way he was going to put the Goldberg’s name on two million Ford cars.

They haggled back and forth for about two hours and finally agreed on $4 million and that just their first names would be shown.

And so to this day, all Ford air conditioners show Lo, Norm, Hi, and Max on the controls.

One Liner
“Ever since the invention of the calendar man’s days have been numbered.”

Thought for the day
Proverbs 23:7 As a man thinketh in his heart so he is. The way you think will dictate everything else about your life