During our travels as a training team, my husband and I stayed overnight with a single lady in her mobile home. Before retiring, my husband thought he should check the hot water provisions since all three of us needed to attend an early meeting the next morning.
 
He asked our hostess if there would be enough hot water for more than one shower in the morning. “I really don’t know,” she admitted. “I’ve never taken two in a row!”

One Liner
Ignorance might be bliss to you, but it’s agony to everyone around you.

Thought for the day
I said to myself, “Relax, because the Lord takes care of you.” Psalm 116:7 (NCV)

God has given you the gift of your body and it comes with an owner’s manual – the Bible. In it are all the instructions you need to take care of yourself and live a long life. 

The fellow was being sold a very cheap suit.

“But the left arm is a lot longer than the right arm,” he complained.

“That’s why the suit is such a bargain,” the sales clerk explained. “Just cock your left shoulder up a little, like this, and tuck this left lapel under your chin a bit, like this.”

“But the right leg is way too short,” argued the customer.

“No problem,” the sales clerk answered. “Just keep your right knee bent a little at all times, walk like this, and no one will notice. That’s why this suit is only thirty dollars.”

Finally, the fellow bought the suit, cocked his left shoulder into the air, tucked the suit’s left lapel under his chin, bent his right knee, and limped out of the store toward his car.

Two doctors happened along and noticed him.

“Good grief,” the first doctor said to the second, “look at that poor crippled fellow.”

“Yeah,” answered the second doctor. “But doesn’t that suit fit great?”

One Liner
A man walks into Doctor’s and says, “Doctor, I think I’m addicted to Twitter.”
The doctor looks at him and says, “Sorry, I don’t follow you.”

Thought for the day
“For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many”(Mark 10:45 NIV).

When we begin to follow Jesus, he empowers us for a life of service. The more we become like Jesus, the more we will serve others.

A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car. 

After looking the man over, he says, “Sir, I couldn’t help but notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?”

The man gets indignant and says, “Officer, I couldn’t help but notice your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts”

One Liner
Text of the times:
Daughter: I love you, Mom!
Mom: Sorry. I have no money. Try it with your dad.

Thought for the day
When you learn God’s Word — or even take it a step further and memorize his Word — you protect yourself from temptation.

Rick Warren calls this the paraphrase-it method of Bible meditation. It’s pretty simple, really. You take a verse out of the Bible that you’re reading or studying, think about it for a bit, and then rephrase it and say it in your own words.