A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn’t find one big enough for her family for Christmas. She asked a stock boy, “Do these turkeys get any bigger?”
The stock boy replied, “No ma’am, they’re dead.”
One Liner
Christmas is not a date. It is a state of mind & heart.
Thought for the Day
Isaiah 7:14 Therefore the Lord himself will give you a sign. Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and shall call his name Immanuel.
THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:
1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don’t believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus
One Liner
Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love.
Thought for the day
And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. Luke 2:8-11
Top Ten Gift Comments – part 2
What do you say when you get a gift you *Really Don’t Like*.
5. “You know what? — I’m going to find a special place to put this!”
4. “Boy, you don’t see craftsmanship like that every day!”
3. “And it’s such an interesting color too!”
2. “You say that was the last one? Am I ever glad that you snapped that baby up!”
And the number one thing to say about the Christmas gifts you didn’t like is: “You shouldn’t have! I mean it — you really shouldn’t have!”
One LINER
Three phrases that sum up Christmas are: Peace on Earth; Goodwill to Men; and Batteries not included.
Thought for the day
“But you, Bethlehem Ephrathah, though you are small among the clans of Judah, out of you will come for me one who will be ruler over Israel, whose origins are from of old, from ancient times.” Micah 5:2
Top Ten Gift Comments – part 1
What do you say when you get a gift you *Really Don’t Like*.
10. “Well, well, well, now, there’s a gift!”
9. “No, with all the hostile takeovers this year, I missed the big Ronco/K-Tel/Ginsu merger. Would you just look at that! What will they think of next?!”
8. “Hey, as long as I don’t have to feed it, or clean up after it, or put batteries in it, I’m happy!”
7. “No, really, I didn’t know that there was a Chia Pet tie! Oh, wow! It’s a clip-on too!”
6. “You know, I always wanted one of these! Jog my memory — what’s it called again?”
One LINER
“There’s only two more days to procrastinate before Christmas.”
Thought for the day
Luke 1:26-32
26 In the sixth month of Elizabeth’s pregnancy, God sent the angel Gabriel to Nazareth, a town in Galilee, 27 to a virgin pledged to be married to a man named Joseph, a descendant of David. The virgin’s name was Mary. 28 The angel went to her and said, “Greetings, you who are highly favored! The Lord is with you.”
29 Mary was greatly troubled at his words and wondered what kind of greeting this might be. 30 But the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary; you have found favor with God. 31 You will conceive and give birth to a son, and you are to call him Jesus. 32 He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, 33 and he will reign over Jacob’s descendants forever; his kingdom will never end.”
Christmas Cake
Every Christmas, composer Giacomo Puccini would have a cake baked for each of his friends. One year, having quarreled with Arturo Toscanini just before Christmas, he tried to cancel the order for the conductor’s cake. But it was too late the cake had already been dispatched.
The following day, Toscanini received a telegram from Puccini: “Cake sent by mistake.”
He replied by return: “Cake eaten by mistake.”
One Liner
Christmas is a race to see which gives out first – your money or your feet.
Thought for the day
Matthew 1:23 “Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and they shall call his name Immanuel” (which means, God with us).
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn’t find one big enough for her family for Christmas. She asked a stock boy, “Do these turkeys get any bigger?”
The stock boy replied, “No ma’am, they’re dead.”
One Liner
You know you are getting old when Santa starts looking younger.
Thought for the day
The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth. John 1:14
A little boy wanted a new bike for Christmas. His mother told him they did not have any money for a bike. But she told him if he would tell Jesus what a good boy he would be may be Jesus would allow him to have one. The little boy sat down to write Jesus a letter.
As he began the letter…”Dear Jesus I will be good for one year…” He scribbled that out and wrote, “Dear Jesus I will be good for one month…” Then he scribbled that out and wrote, “Dear Jesus I will be good for one whole week….” In his disgust he tore up the paper and went for a walk.
As he walked he passed by the local church were there was a Nativity scene. He began to run as fast as he could and, when he passed by the figure of Mary, grabbed her up and ran home.
He ran in the front door and to his room. There he began a new letter that started…”Dear Jesus if you ever want to see your mother again…”
One LINER
The best cure for shaking knees is to kneel on them.
Thought for the day
Therefore the Lord himself will give you a sign: The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and will call him Immanuel. Isaiah 7:14
Your Eggnog’s Too Strong
If you see a fat man …
Who’s jolly and cute,
wearing a beard
and a red flannel suit,
and if he is chuckling
and laughing away,
while flying around
in a miniature sleigh
with eight tiny reindeer
to pull him along,
then lets face it…
Your eggnog’s too strong!!!
One LINER
“Christmas is a race to see which gives out first – your money or your feet.”.
Thought for the day
Everybody’s unique. There’s nobody in the world like you! That’s why comparing never, ever works. In fact, it’s lethal to any relationship. The Bible says, “Each person should judge his own actions and not compare himself with others. Then he can be proud for what he himself has done” (Galatians 6:4 NCV).
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