Monthly Archives: June 2018
humor pic of the week
Humor – June 8
Our seven-year-old daughter was thrilled when we took her to Disney World for the first time, and she headed straight for Space Mountain. I worried that the roller coaster would be too scary for her, but she insisted.
To her delight, we rode it twice. The next year we returned to the Magic Kingdom, and my daughter, now eight, again dragged me to Space Mountain. As we stood in line, though, I could see her soberly studying the signs that warn about the ride’s speed.
“Dad,” she said, “I don’t think I want to go.” I asked her why she would be nervous when she had enjoyed herself last time. She replied, “This year I can read.”
One Liner
I have a super power. I can read my own thoughts.
Thought for the day
Honor the Lord with your possessions and with the first produce of your entire harvest; then your barns will be completely filled, and your vats will overflow with new wine. Proverbs 3:9-10 (HCSB)
The purpose of tithing is to teach us to always put God first in our lives. God doesn’t need our money. He wants what it represents: our gratitude, our priorities and our faith.
Humor – June 7
THE SENILITY PRAYER :
Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway,
The good fortune to run into the ones I do, and
The eyesight to tell the difference.
One LINER
~ Laughter is like changing a baby’s diaper: It doesn’t permanently solve any problems, but it makes things more acceptable for awhile.
Thought for the day
“I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for” (Jeremiah 29:11 MSG).
If you try to play God, attempting to control everything and everyone around you, depression will eventually catch up with you.
Humor – June 6
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.
When asked to define “great,” he said, “I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream in disbelief, cry in despair, howl in pain, and vent their anger in ways they’ve never dreamed of!”
He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.
One LINER
“I don’t make jokes, “Will Rogers once said truthfully. “I just watch the government and report the facts.”
Thought for the day
“Who is this King of glory? The LORD strong and mighty, the LORD mighty in battle. Who is he, this King of glory? The LORD Almighty–he is the King of glory” (Psalm 24:8, 10 NIV).
Gratitude is one gauge that measures our dependence on God. The more dependent we are, the more grateful we become.
Humor – June 5
So What’s Your Name?
Sometimes when you have a stressful day or week, you need some silliness to break up the day. Here is your dose…The following is an excerpt from a children’s book, “Captain Underpants and the Perilous Plot of Professor Poopypants”, by Dave Pilkey: The evil Professor forces everyone to assume new names…..
Use the first letter of your first name to determine your NEW first name:
a = stinky
b = lumpy
c = buttercup
d = gidget
e = crusty
f = greasy
g = fluffy
h = cheeseball
i = chim-chim
j = poopsie
k = flunky
l = booger
m = pinky
n = zippy
o = goober
p = doofus
q = snotty
r = loopy
s = slimy
t = falafel
u = dorkey
v = squeezit
w = oprah
x = skipper
y = dinky
z = zsa zsa
Next, use the first letter of your last name to determine the first half of your NEW last name:
a = diaper
b = toilet
c = giggle
d = bubble
e = girdle
f = barf
g = lizard
h = waffle
i = cootie
j = monkey
k = potty
l = liver
m = banana
n = rhino
o = burger
p = hamster
q = toad
r = gizzard
s = pizza
t = gerbil
u = chicken
v = pickle
w = chuckle
x = tofu
y = gorilla
z = stinker
Finally, use the last letter of your last name to determine the second half of your NEW last name:
a = head
b = mouth
c = face
d = nose
e = tush
f = breath
g = pants
h = shorts
i = lips
j = honker
k = butt
l = brain
m = tushie
n = chunks
o = hiney
p = biscuits
q = toes
r = buns
s = fanny
t = sniffer
u = sprinkles
v = kisser
w= flubber
x =humperdinck
y = brains
z = juice
| One LINER Raymond Edman said, “Never doubt in the dark what God told you in the ligThought for the day |
“Each of us finds our meaning and function as a part of his body” (Romans 12:5 MSG).
You are going to give your life for something. What will it be—a career, a sport, a hobby, fame, wealth? None of these will have lasting significance. Service is the pathway to real significance. It is through ministry that we discover the meaning of our lives
Humor – June 4
A small boy is sent to bed by his mother…
[Five minutes later]
“Mom…”
“What?”
“I’m thirsty. Can you bring me a glass of water?”
“No. You had your chance. Lights out.”
[Five minutes later]
“Mom…”
“WHAT?”
“I’m THIRSTY…Can I have a glass of water??”
“I told you NO! If you ask again I’ll have to spank you!!”
[Five minutes later]
“Mommm…”
“WHAT??!!”
“When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a glass of water?”
One Liner
Parents often talk about the younger generations as if they didn’t have anything to do with it.
Thought for the day
Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Philippians 2:4 (NIV)
Each one of us needs other people to watch out for us – to defend us, protect us, and help us stay on track. In the book of Philippians, the apostle Paul tells us that we should look out for each other’s interests, not just our own
1 Samuel 2:2
humor pic of the week
Humor – June 1
Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands.
When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset.
“You’re running around with other women,” she charged.
“You’re being unreasonable,” Adam responded. “You’re the only woman on earth.”
The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by someone poking him in the chest.
It was Eve. “What do you think you’re doing?” Adam demanded.
“Counting your ribs,” said Eve.
One Liner
How come you never hear about gruntled employees?
Thought for the day
Know the state of your flocks, and put your heart into caring for your herds, for riches don’t last forever …. Proverbs 27:23-24a (NLT)
If you spent as much time writing down your finances as you do worrying about them, you’d probably have a lot less to worry about. You need to keep good records if you want God’s blessing on your finances.
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