Monthly Archives: June 2018

Humor – June 20

A guy goes into the doctor’s office. There’s a banana stuck in one of his ears, a carrot stuck in one nostril, and a cucumber in the other ear.

The man says, “Doc, this is terrible. What’s wrong with me?”

The doctor says, “Well, first of all, you’re not eating right.”

One LINER
The best cure for shaking knees is to kneel on them.

Thought for the day
God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love, and of self-discipline. 2 Timothy 1:7

Power! Godly power is accompanied by love and self-discipline. These three together make a person’s life effective.

Humor – June 19

While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,
Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor,
“It is essential that husbands and wives know each other’s likes and dislikes.”
He addressed the man,
“Can you name your wife’s favorite flower?”
Tom leaned over, touched his wife’s arm gently and whispered, “It’s Pillsbury, isn’t it?

One LINER
Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth.

Thought for the day   
God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.  John 3:17

God chose to enter our world, not to condemn us, or it, but to redeem it. Thank God for Jesus who was God with us.

Humor – June 18

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day…
30,000 to a man’s 15,000.
The wife replied, “The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men…
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, “What?”

One LINER
If there is no God, who pulls up the next Kleenex out of the box?

Thought for the day
Jesus said, “I pray for them. I am not praying for the world, but for those You have given me, for they are Yours” (John 17:9 NIV).

We can pray that our children will live for Christ, grow strong spiritually, serve Christ effectively, experience fellowship personally and bring others to Christ regularly.

Humor – June 15

Dear Dad,

$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can’t think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.

Love,
Your $on

One LINER
My father is so old when he was in school history was called current affairs.

Thought for the day
Smile on me, your servant; teach me the right way to live. Psalm 119:135

The Smile of God is the goal of your life.

Humor – June 14

Thanks for the Soda, Pop!
Before I took the old family car to college, my father loaded the trunk with soft-drink bottles filled with oil, coolant and transmission fluid. Sure enough, my car overheated. Scolding myself for not listening to my father’s instructions, I looked at the engine and saw how well he knew me. The oil cap was labeled Dr Pepper, the transmission stick, Coke, and the empty coolant container, Diet Pepsi. I finished the trip safely.

One LINER
We child-proofed our home 3 years ago but they’re still getting in.

Thought for the day
“A gentle word can get through to the hard-headed.” – Proverbs 25:15b

Ever met anyone who is hard headed? I’ve met a few – plus I find myself at times to be that way as well. May we learn from this proverb and speak a gentle word from God to help penetrate the heart of the hard headed person! “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry” James 1:19

Humor – June 13

The Fatherhood Cycle

4 years: “My Daddy can do anything.”

7 years: “My Dad knows a lot, a whole lot.”

12 years: “Oh, well – naturally – Father doesn’t know that either.”

14 years: “Father? Hopelessly old-fashioned.”

21 years: “Oh, that man is so out-of-date. What did you expect?”

25 years: “He knows a little bit about it – but not much.”

30 years: “Maybe we ought to find out what Dad thinks.”

35 years: “Let’s ask Dad what he would do before we make a decision.”

40 years: “I wonder what Dad would have thought about that? He was pretty smart.”

50 years: “My Dad knew absolutely everything.”

60 years: “I’d give anything if Dad were here so I could talk this over with him. I really miss that man.”

One Liner
I dedicate this show to my daad who was a roofer … so dad if you are up there … – Stewart Francis

Thought for the day
“Watch out that no bitterness takes root among you . . . it causes deep trouble, hurting many in their spiritual lives” Hebrews 12:15

Job refused to become bitter and resentful. Bitterness prolongs pain. It doesn’t relieve it; it only reinforces it.

Humor – June 12

Little Johnny and his friend Billy were on their very first train ride, with Billy’s mother.

A vendor came down the corridor selling a candy bar that neither had ever seen before.

Billy’s mom bought each one of them a bar.

Little Johnny eagerly tore open the wrapper and bit a bit off into his mouth just as the train went into a tunnel. When the train emerged from the tunnel, he looked across at

Billy and said: “I wouldn’t eat that if I were you.”

“Why not?” asked Billy.

Little Johnny replied, “I took one bite and went blind for half a minute.”

One Liner
“As a child, I was the kind my mother wouldn’t let me play with.”

Thought for the day
He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me” (Psalm 18:19 NIV).

God expands the possibilities for your life because he delights in you. He doesn’t just love you; he finds joy in you!

Humor – June 11

A married couple trying to live up to a snobbish lifestyle went to a party. The conversation turned to Mozart. “Absolutely brilliant, magnificent, a genius!”

The woman, wanting to join in the conversation, remarked casually, “Ah, Mozart. You’re so right. I love him. Only this morning I saw him getting on the No. 5 bus going to Coney Island.”

There was a sudden hush, and everyone looked at her. Her husband was mortified. He pulled her away and whispered, “We’re leaving right now. Get your coat and let’s get out of here.”

As they drove home, he kept muttering to himself. Finally his wife turned to him. “You’re angry about something.”

“Oh really? You noticed?” he sneered. “I’ve never been so embarrassed in my life! You saw Mozart take the No. 5 bus to Coney Island? Your crazy! Don’t you know the No. 5 bus doesn’t go out to Coney Island?”

One Liner
I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

Thought for the day
In every place of worship, I want men to pray with holy hands lifted up to God, free from anger and controversy. I Timothy 2:8
 
Some of the men argued when they should have been praying.  Let us lift up holy hands to almighty God in praise and worship!