Monthly Archives: June 2018

Humor – June 22

A defendant was on trial for murder. There was strong evidence indicating guilt, but there was no corpse. In the defense’s closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be convicted, resorted to a trick.

“Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all,” the lawyer said as he looked at his watch. “Within one minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom.”   He looked toward the courtroom door. The jurors, somewhat stunned, all looked on eagerly. A minute passed. Nothing happened.

Finally the lawyer said, “Actually, I made up the previous statement. But you all looked on with anticipation. I therefore put to you that you have a reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed and insist that you return a verdict of not guilty.”

The jury, clearly confused, retired to deliberate. A few minutes later, the jury returned and pronounced a verdict of guilty.

“But how?” inquired the lawyer. “You must have had some doubt; I saw all of you stare at the door.”

The jury foreman replied: “Oh, we did look, but your client didn’t.”

One LINER
Why is there no egg in eggplant, no ham in hamburgers, and neither apple nor pine in pineapple?

Thought for the day 
It is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast. Ephesians 2:8-9

Don’t you love gifts! The greatest gift we’ve ever received had nothing to do with our efforts. It is a gift from God. We didn’t earn it, deserve it, or purchase it. God gave it through his sacrificial gift so our salvation would not be our boast, but his kindness.

Humor – June 21

“Computer Repair”

An office technician got a call from a computer user. The user told the tech that her computer was not working. She described the problem and the tech concluded that her computer needed to be brought in and serviced.

He told her, “Unplug the power cord and bring it up here and I’ll fix it for you.”

About ten minutes later she showed up at his door… with the electrical cord in her right hand.

One LINER
“Today is the first day of the rest of your life but so was yesterday and look how you messed that up.”

Thought for the day 
Have not I commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.  Joshua 1:9

Never alone. What a promise. God will go with us, through all the seasons of life, through all our ups and downs, through temptations and triumphs, even through death.

Humor – June 20

A guy goes into the doctor’s office. There’s a banana stuck in one of his ears, a carrot stuck in one nostril, and a cucumber in the other ear.

The man says, “Doc, this is terrible. What’s wrong with me?”

The doctor says, “Well, first of all, you’re not eating right.”

One LINER
The best cure for shaking knees is to kneel on them.

Thought for the day
God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love, and of self-discipline. 2 Timothy 1:7

Power! Godly power is accompanied by love and self-discipline. These three together make a person’s life effective.

Humor – June 19

While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,
Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor,
“It is essential that husbands and wives know each other’s likes and dislikes.”
He addressed the man,
“Can you name your wife’s favorite flower?”
Tom leaned over, touched his wife’s arm gently and whispered, “It’s Pillsbury, isn’t it?

One LINER
Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth.

Thought for the day   
God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.  John 3:17

God chose to enter our world, not to condemn us, or it, but to redeem it. Thank God for Jesus who was God with us.

Humor – June 18

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day…
30,000 to a man’s 15,000.
The wife replied, “The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men…
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, “What?”

One LINER
If there is no God, who pulls up the next Kleenex out of the box?

Thought for the day
Jesus said, “I pray for them. I am not praying for the world, but for those You have given me, for they are Yours” (John 17:9 NIV).

We can pray that our children will live for Christ, grow strong spiritually, serve Christ effectively, experience fellowship personally and bring others to Christ regularly.