A group of women were at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with their husbands.

The women were asked, “How many of you love your husband?” All the women raised their hands.

Then they were asked, “When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?”

Some women answered … “today,” a few … “yesterday,” and some … “can’t remember.”

The women were then told to take out their cell phones and text their husband – “I love you, Sweetheart”

Next the women were instructed to exchange phones with one another and read aloud the text message they received in response to their message.

Below are 12 hilarious replies. If you have been married for quite a while, you understand that these replies are a sign of true love. Who else would reply in such a succinct and honest way?

~ Who IS this?

~ Eh, mother of my children, are you sick or what?

~ Yeah, and I love you too. What’s wrong?

~ I don’t understand what you mean?

~ What now? Did you wreck the car again?

~ Am I dreaming?

~ Don’t beat about the bush, just tell me how much you need?

~ What did you do now?

~ If you don’t tell me who this message is actually for, someone will die.

~ Your mother is coming to stay with us, isn’t she?

Kinda tugs at the heart, doesn’t it?

One Liner
I don’t mean to brag, but I finished my 14-day diet food in 3 hours and 20 minutes.

Thought for the day
”All need to be made right with God by his grace, which is a free gift. They need to be made free from sin through Jesus Christ” Romans 3:24

Salvation is a gift, and you don’t work for a gift. It’s free! You can’t earn it, you can’t buy it, and you can’t work for it.

My kids love going to the Web, and they keep track of their passwords by writing them on Post-it notes. I noticed their Disney password was “MickeyMinnieGoofyPluto,” and asked why it was so long.

“Because,” my son explained, “they say it has to have at least four characters.”

One Liner
DANGER! I drive like you do.

Thought for the day
“If you can do anything, do it. Have a heart and help us!’ Jesus said, ‘If? There are no “ifs” among believers. Anything can happen.’ No sooner were the words out of his mouth than the father cried, ‘Then I believe. Help me with my doubts!’” Mark 9:22-24

Because God lets you begin with the faith you already have. It may be just a little, but that’s all you need to start.

A stingy miser worked hard all of his life and made a lot of money.  He loved that money more than just about anything and rarely spent a dime.

On his deathbed he said to his wife, “Promise me that you’ll put all my money in the casket with me. I want to take it all to the afterlife with me. Promise!”

His wife promised him, with all of her heart, that she would indeed put all his money in the casket with him.

So then he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife sitting there in black, with her best friend beside her. After the ceremony the wife slipped a box into the casket just before it was closed.

The wife’s friend clutched her by the sleeve and hissed, “Tell me you weren’t fool enough to put all that money in there with that man!”

The wife replied, “Listen, I’m a Christian, I can’t break a solemn promise. I promised to put his money in the casket with him.”

“You mean to tell me you actually put all his money in there?”

“I sure did,” said the dutiful wife. “I wrote him a check for the full amount.”

One Liner
You haven’t had enough coffee until you can thread a sewing machine while it’s running.

Thought for the day
Luke 6:27-28, “Do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you”

Notice these three verbs: “do good,” “bless,” and “pray for.” A big part of forgiveness is responding to evil with good.

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to “honor thy father and thy mother,” she asked “Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?” Without missing a beat one little boy answered, “Thou shall not kill.”

One Liner
“A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you’re in deep water.”

Thought for the day
The Bible says, “It’s crucial that we keep a firm grip on what we’ve heard so that we don’t drift off.” (Hebrews 2:1, Msg)

Keep a spiritual journal where you write down the insights and life lessons God teaches you about him, about yourself, about life, relationships, and everything else. Record these so you can review and remember them and pass them on to the next generation.

And don’t forget to review your spiritual journal regularly – you can avoid a lot of unnecessary pain and heartache.

A pastor places his order at the pet store: “I need at least 50 mice, 2,000 ants and as many of those little silverfish you can get.”

The clerk replies, “We can probably do that, but it might take some time. Mind if I ask why you are placing such an unusual order?”

The pastor replies, “I’ve accepted a call to another church and the pastor’s council told me to leave the parsonage the way I found it.”

One Liner
Today I’m gonna make yesterday jealous.

Thought for the day
“I will praise God’s name in song and glorify him with thanksgiving. This will please the Lord” (Psalm 69:30-31 NIV).

We praise God for who he is and we thank God for what he has done. Have you taken time to praise and thank Him today?

A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him in front of the service station. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump.

“Reverend,” said the young man, “sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip.”

The minister chuckled, “I know what you mean. It’s the same in my business.”

One Liner
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

Thought for the day
Our lives gradually becoming brighter and more beautiful as God enters our lives and we become like him. 2 Corinthians 3:18b (Msg)

Discipleship is the process of conforming to Christ . Christlikeness is your eventual destination, but your journey will last a lifetime. This journey involves believing (through worship), belonging (through fellowship), and becoming (through discipleship).

“Math Symbols”
While reviewing math symbols with my second-grade pupils, I drew a greater-than ( > ) and a less-than sign ( < ) on the chalkboard and asked, “Does anyone remember what these mean?”

A few moments passed, and then a boy confidently raised his hand. “One means fast-forward,” he exclaimed, “and the other means rewind!”

One Liner
Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.

Thought for the day
“Our lives gradually becoming brighter and more beautiful as God enters our lives and we become like him.” (2 Corinthians 3:18b, Msg)

Real maturity is never the result of a single experience, no matter how powerful or moving. Growth is gradual. Crawl, walk, run …..

“Restaurant Line”

A well-put together, elderly gentleman left his Maserati Gran Turismo with the valet, entered the restaurant and asked to be seated at a table away from a lovely, well-dressed woman who appeared to be in her well-kept eighties.

He ordered a drink and took a sip. He then calmly turned his head in her direction, nodded politely as their eyes met, and asked, “So tell me, sweetheart, do I come here often?”

One Liner
In just two days from now, tomorrow will be yesterday.

Thought for the day
We are not our own bosses to live or die as we ourselves might choose. Living or dying we follow the Lord. Either way we are his. Romans 14:7-8 (LB)

Surrender doesn’t weaken you, it strengthens you. When you are surrendered to God, you don’t have to fear or surrender to anything or anyone else. The founder of the Salvation Army, William Booth, once said, “The greatness of a man’s power is the measure of his surrender.”