Monthly Archives: October 2018

Humor – October 19

Three little boys were bragging about how tough they were.

“I’m so tough,” said the first boy, “that I can wear out a pair of shoes in a week.”

“Well,” said the second boy, “I’m so tough, I can wear out a pair of jeans in a day.”

“That’s nothing,” said the third boy.  “When my parents take me to see Grandma and Grandpa, I can wear them out in just one hour.”

One Liner
Doctor to patient: I have good news and bad news. The good news is that you are not a hypochondriac.

Thought for the day
“If the Spirit of God, who raised Jesus from death, lives in you, then he who raised Christ from death will also give life to your mortal bodies by the presence of his Spirit in you” (Romans 8:11 TEV).

God never promised that this life would be fair. We live on a broken planet. Heaven is where everything is done God’s way. Life on Earth just doesn’t work like that.

Humor – October 18

An hour later, the dog walks back into the agency and the receptionist yells that she has a job for the dog in the circus.

To which the dog replies, “What does the circus want with a carpenter?”

One Liner
Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as “4’s”?

Thought for the day
Psalm 84:11: “The Lord will withhold no good thing from those who do what is right” (NLT).

Make note of these three words: no good thing.

Humor – October 17

“This little computer,” said the sales clerk, “will do half of your job for you.”

Studying the machine, the senior VP said, “Fine. I’ll take two.”

One Liner
Everyone has a right to be stupid. Some just abuse the privilege.

Thought for the day
“My God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:19 NIV).

One of our biggest worries tends to be about our ability to provide for our needs.
But it shouldn’t be!

Humor – October 16

We took the kids to one of those restaurants where the walls are plastered with movie memorabilia. I went off to see the hostess about reserving a table. When I returned, I found my 10-year-old granddaughter Kaitlyn staring at a poster of Superman standing in a phone booth.

Kaitlyn looked puzzled. “She doesn’t know who Superman is?” I whispered to Jenny.

“Worse,” Jenny replied. “She doesn’t know what a phone booth is.”

One Liner
I scream, you scream. The police come. It’s awkward.

Thought for the day
“Anyone who drinks this water will soon become thirsty again. But those who drink the water I give will never be thirsty again. It becomes a fresh, bubbling spring within them, giving them eternal life” John 4:13-14

If you feel unsatisfied with your life and you want to live a fulfilled, meaningful life, you need to stop looking for satisfaction somewhere besides Jesus.

Humor – October 15

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says, “Slim, I’m 83 years old now and I’m just full of aches and pains. I know you’re about my age. How do you feel?”

Slim says, “I feel just like a newborn baby.”

“Really!? Like a newborn baby!?”

“Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.” 

One Liner
I love being over 70.  I learn something new every day and forget five others.

Thought for the day
“It is the Lord who gives wisdom; from him come knowledge and understanding” Proverbs 2:6

You don’t hear God when your mind is filled with a thousand other distractions. To hear God, you’ve got to get near to God. You’ve got to get alone with God and be quiet.

Humor October 11

A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by a policeman.

“What are those machetes doing in your car?” asks the cop.

“I juggle them in my act.”

“Oh, yeah?” says the doubtful cop. “Let’s see you do it.”

The juggler gets out and starts tossing and catching the knives. Another man driving by slows down to watch.

“Wow” says the passer-by. “I’m glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they’re giving now!

One Liner
If your mind goes blank, don’t forget to turn off the sound.

Thought for the day
”Anyone who lets himself be distracted from the work I plan for him is not fit for the kingdom of God” Luke 9:62

If the Devil can’t make you bad, he’ll make you busy. He’ll get you so busy that you don’t have time for the important stuff!