A farmer and his wife went to their high school reunion.

The farmer looked around, noticing the other men with their expensive suits and their bulging stomachs.  Proud that he weighed just five pounds more than he did in high school, the result of trying to beat a living out of a rocky hillside farm, he said to his wife: “I’m the only guy here who can still wear the suit he wore when he graduated.”

She glanced at the prosperous crowd, then back at her husband, and said, “You’re the only one who has to.”

One Liner
The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts the moment you get up and doesn’t stop until you get into the office.

Thought for the day
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and rescues those who are crushed in spirit.” (Psalm 34:18 NLT)

When you hurt, God hurts. When you grieve, God grieves.  When you are brokenhearted, crushed and think you can’t even get out of bed in the morning, God feels. You are never closer to God than when you are in pain.

Little Johnny was one of those holy terrors and her husband was surprised when his wife suggested that they buy him a bike for his birthday.

“Do you really believe that’ll help improve his behavior?” he said.

“Well, no,” she admitted, “But it’ll spread it over a wider area.”

One Liner
Hospitality is making your guests feel at home, even if you wish they were.

Thought for the day
“If you know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!”  (Matthew 7:11 NIV)

If you, being an imperfect father, know how to give good gifts to your kids, don’t you think God, who is a perfect Father, knows how to give good gifts to you? He loves to meet my needs.

LOT’S WIFE
The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot’s wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, when little Jason interrupted, “My Mommy looked back once while she was driving,” he announced triumphantly, “and she turned into a telephone pole!”

One Liner
Spring allergies and a full-face motorcycle helmet are not a pleasant combination.

Thought for the day
“Everything that goes into a life of pleasing God has been miraculously given to us by getting to know, personally and intimately, the One who invited us to God” (2 Peter 1:3 The Message).

Honestly, right now is the time to decide this issue. Believe God loves you and made you for his purposes. Believe you were made to last forever. Believe that no matter what you’ve done, God wants to forgive you.

Two snakes were crawling along when one snake asked the other, “Are we poisonous snakes?”

The other replied, “Of course we are! We’re rattlesnakes. Why do you ask?”

To which the first replied, “Oh, well….I just bit my tongue.”

One Liner
“Give a man a fish and feed him for a day.; give a man a stick of dynamite and soon the whole village will be strewn with mud, seaweed, and unidentifiable chunks of fish.”

Thought for the day
“Whoever accepts and trusts the Son gets in on everything, life complete and forever!” (John 3:36 The Message).

Living for the glory of God will require a change in your priorities, your schedule, your relationships, and everything else.

The school of agriculture’s dean of admissions was interviewing a prospective student, “Why have you chosen this career?” he asked.

“I dream of making a million dollars in farming, like my father,” the student replied.

“Your father made a million dollars in farming?!” echoed the dean much impressed.

“No,” replied the applicant. “But he always dreamed of it.”

One Liner
I am a mental tourist. My mind wanders.

Thought for the day
The Bible says in 1 Corinthians 13:7, “Love patiently accepts all things. It always trusts, always hopes, and always endures” (NCV). If you want to raise confident kids, you’ve got to build them up more than you tear them down. You’ve got to give more cheers than you give jeers.

In a shop, two men struck up a conversation.

Just as one fellow said that his wife was getting carried away with her shopping, a brief power outage caused the lights to flicker overhead.

‘That,’ he sighed, ‘must be her checking out now.’

One Liner
I’m not bossy. I just know what you should be doing.

Thought for the day
“Think about Jesus’ example. He held on while wicked people were doing evil things to him. So do not get tired and stop trying” (Hebrews 12:3 NCV).

God wants you to be healthy in every area of your life—emotionally, spiritually, and physically. For mental health, you must focus your mind on the right things