Fruitcake Recipe

I have a fruitcake that has been in my family for several years. Apparently, my family saves them for the following year and gives them as a gift to someone else. That’s how the fruitcake that I gave my mother four years ago finally made its way back into my hands. (Mom gave it to brother, brother gave it to sister, then sister gave it to me).

Since the fruitcake tradition appears to be unstoppable, this year I’ve decided to replace our family’s fruitcake with a more durable one which we will cherish for years.

Items Needed:
4 oz. Fruit Bits 
1 Railroad Tie 
Wood Saw 
Large Rubber Mallet 
Safety Goggles

WEAR YOUR SAFETY GOGGLES. (Children, get help from an adult!)

Cut a one-foot section from the middle of your railroad tie. The resulting block of wood should be around the size and shape of a loaf of bread.

Then take some fruit bits and pound them into the block with your rubber mallet. Spread the colors around, or you might wind up with an ugly fruitcake. Don’t be afraid to throw some elbow grease into that mallet! Good fruit bits should be much harder than the railroad tie, so you can’t break anything.

For best result, you should pre-treat the fruit bits by setting them on top of your garage for a year (or by microwaving them on HIGH for 30 minutes).

Finally, cover it tightly in plastic wrap, and give your loved ones the timeless and enduring gift of fruitcake.

One Liner
Wife to husband: “This Christmas let’s give each other sensible gifts like ties and fur coats.”