A surgeon goes to return some books he borrowed from the library… The librarian quips after checking the books… 

“Sir your books are always returned with the last page missing in every single book…” 

The surgeon replies, “I can’t stop myself from removing an appendix when ever I see one.” 

One Liner
Got rid of my toaster. It always burns my toast. I don’t like that cause I am black toast intolerant!