I almost got thrown out of my sister-in-law’s house one year at the holidays.  I told them that I was thinking of opening a restaurant (I did this with a straight face, so they thought I was serious).

Her and her family at the time were vegetarians, but I said I was going to open a restaurant that specialized in venison dishes.  I was going to call it, “The Buck Stops Here,” and my slogan was going to be, “Bambi: You’ve seen the movie. Now, eat the star!”

One Liner

The sign on the elevator door read, “This elevator is out of whack.”
By the next day someone used a crayon to add “More whack is on order.”