THE VALENTINE’S DAY TEN COMMANDMENTS
I. I am thy Main Squeeze; thou shalt have no other squeeze before me.
II. Thou shalt not take the name of thy Squeeze in vain, nor badmouth her/him behind her/him back.
III. Remember our Anniversary, and keep it holy…or else.
IV. Honor MY mother and father. THINE are just too weird.
V. Thou shalt not kill my love by behaving tackily or cause undue embarrassment when I am with thee.
VI. Thou shalt not commit adultery, nor shalt thou even THINK about it least you be smitten from the earth.
VII. Thou shalt not steal from my wallet/purse while I am in the shower, nor use my credit cards.
VIII. Thou shalt not talk about our personal problems to our friends.
IX. Thou shalt not covet the higher market price of thy neighbor’s house without first puttin’ down the remote and learnin’ how to use a paintbrush!
X. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s main Squeeze, nor his son, nor his daughter, nor his entertainment center, nor his BMW, nor anything else that belongs to thy neighbor.
How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend? He gave her a ring.