Morris had been playing golf for years. He always used the very finest equipment, but his technique never improved a bit.

His friend Sam watched as he teed up at the first hole and promptly drove a brand new ball into the woods. On the second hole, Morris drove another new ball into a lake. On the third, he lost a new ball in another part of the woods.

“Why don’t you use an old ball?” Sam asked.

“I’ve never had an old ball,” Morris said.

One Liner
“No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationary.”

Thought for the day
My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. James 1:19 (NIV)

In James (1:19), we’re taught three rules for confrontation: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.

If you do the first two, the third one is automatic. If you’re quick to listen and you’re slow to speak, then you will be slow to anger.

Little Rodney, 4 years old, walked down the beach, and as he did, he spied a matronly woman sitting under a beach umbrella on the sand. He walked up to her and asked, “Are you a Christian?”

“Yes,” she replied.

“Do you read your Bible every day?”

She nodded her head, “Yes.”

“Do you pray often?” the boy asked next, and again she answered, “Yes.”

With that he asked his final question, “Will you hold my quarter while I go swimming?”

One Liner
“Money talks, but credit has an echo.”

Thought for the day
Deuteronomy 13:4
It is the Lord your God you must follow, and him you must revere. Keep his commands and obey him; serve him and hold fast to him.

Reverence isn’t a “church thing,” it is a “life thing.” We are to obey and keep his commandments, and we are to serve him and depend upon Him in our daily lives. Rather than silence in the assembly, reverence is action to His glory!

Rose accompanied her husband Tom to his annual checkup.

While Tom was getting dressed, the doctor came out and said to Rose, “I don’t like the way he looks.”

“Neither do I,” she said. “But he’s handy around the house.”

One Liner
What if the Hokey-Pokey really IS what it’s all about?

Thought for the day
“Only those who throw away their lives for my sake and for the sake of the Good News will ever know what it means to really live” (Mark 8:35 LB).

The Great Commission is your commission, and doing your part is the secret to living a life of significance.

A speeding motorist was caught by radar from a police helicopter in the sky.

An officer pulled him over and began to issue a traffic ticket. “How did you know I was speeding?” the frustrated driver asked.

The police officer pointed somberly toward the sky.

“You mean,” asked the motorist, “that even He is against me?”

One Liner
“Save time . . . see it my way.”

Thought for the day
“Go into all the world and preach the Good News to everyone” (Mark 16:15 NLT).

Every Christian is called to share with others what we’ve been given from God. But I’m often asked, what exactly are we supposed to share?

A farmer and his wife went to their high school reunion.

The farmer looked around, noticing the other men with their expensive suits and their bulging stomachs.  Proud that he weighed just five pounds more than he did in high school, the result of trying to beat a living out of a rocky hillside farm, he said to his wife: “I’m the only guy here who can still wear the suit he wore when he graduated.”

She glanced at the prosperous crowd, then back at her husband, and said, “You’re the only one who has to.”

One Liner
The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts the moment you get up and doesn’t stop until you get into the office.

Thought for the day
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and rescues those who are crushed in spirit.” (Psalm 34:18 NLT)

When you hurt, God hurts. When you grieve, God grieves.  When you are brokenhearted, crushed and think you can’t even get out of bed in the morning, God feels. You are never closer to God than when you are in pain.

Little Johnny was one of those holy terrors and her husband was surprised when his wife suggested that they buy him a bike for his birthday.

“Do you really believe that’ll help improve his behavior?” he said.

“Well, no,” she admitted, “But it’ll spread it over a wider area.”

One Liner
Hospitality is making your guests feel at home, even if you wish they were.

Thought for the day
“If you know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!”  (Matthew 7:11 NIV)

If you, being an imperfect father, know how to give good gifts to your kids, don’t you think God, who is a perfect Father, knows how to give good gifts to you? He loves to meet my needs.

LOT’S WIFE
The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot’s wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, when little Jason interrupted, “My Mommy looked back once while she was driving,” he announced triumphantly, “and she turned into a telephone pole!”

One Liner
Spring allergies and a full-face motorcycle helmet are not a pleasant combination.

Thought for the day
“Everything that goes into a life of pleasing God has been miraculously given to us by getting to know, personally and intimately, the One who invited us to God” (2 Peter 1:3 The Message).

Honestly, right now is the time to decide this issue. Believe God loves you and made you for his purposes. Believe you were made to last forever. Believe that no matter what you’ve done, God wants to forgive you.

Two snakes were crawling along when one snake asked the other, “Are we poisonous snakes?”

The other replied, “Of course we are! We’re rattlesnakes. Why do you ask?”

To which the first replied, “Oh, well….I just bit my tongue.”

One Liner
“Give a man a fish and feed him for a day.; give a man a stick of dynamite and soon the whole village will be strewn with mud, seaweed, and unidentifiable chunks of fish.”

Thought for the day
“Whoever accepts and trusts the Son gets in on everything, life complete and forever!” (John 3:36 The Message).

Living for the glory of God will require a change in your priorities, your schedule, your relationships, and everything else.