The new librarian decided that instead of checking out children’s books by writing the names of borrowers on the book cards herself, she would have the youngsters sign their own names.  She would then tell them they were signing a ‘contract’ for returning the books on time.

Her first customer was a 2nd grader, who looked surprised to see a new librarian. He brought four books to the desk and shoved them across to the librarian, giving her his name as was the custom..  The new librarian pushed the books back, smiled, and told him to sign them out himself. The boy carefully printed his name on each book card and then handed them to her with a look of utter disgust.

Before the librarian could even start her speech he said, scornfully, “At least that other librarian we had could write.”

One Liner
If the grass is greener on the other side of the fence, you can bet the water bill is higher.

Thought for the Day
Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Philippians 4:6 (NLT)

Don’t worry about anything
Pray about everything
Thank God in all things 

John and Nancy, married for 40 years, planned a second wedding to renew their vows.

Nancy described to her friend the dress she would wear.

Nancy’s friend asked, “What color shoes?”

Nancy replied, “Silver.”

John chimed in: “Yep, silver … to match her hair.”

With a pointed look at John’s bald spot, Nancy’s friend said: “So, John, I guess you’ll go barefoot.”

One Liner
Half the people you know are below average.

Thought for the day
2 Corinthians 1:9b-10, “This happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. He has delivered us . . . and he will deliver us again. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us”

The purpose of the dead end is to teach you to trust in God.

In Washington, D.C., the application form for federal employment includes this question: “Why did you leave your previous employment?”

One applicant, a former U.S. Congressman, responded: “The express wish of 116,000 voters.”

One Liner
How can I miss you if you won’t go away?

Thought for the day
Romans 12:1b says, “Offer yourselves as a living sacrifice to God, dedicated to his service and pleasing to him” (GNT).

God gave you your abilities. Now you need to give them back to Him.  Use them for the purpose for which He gave them to you.

Mahatma Gandhi, as you may know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet.

He also ate very little, which made him rather frail, and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.

This made him – ready for it? – a super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

One Liner
I was struck by an odd thought recently. Fortunately, it was only a glancing blow.

Thought for the day
Job 37:14, “Pause a moment, Job, and listen; consider the wonderful things God does” (GNT).

God wants to spend time with you.

I LOVE MY JOB

(apologies to Dr. Seuss)

I love my job, I love the pay, I love it more and more each day.

I love my boss and he’s the best. I love HIS boss and all the rest.

I love my office and it’s location. I hate to have to take vacation.

I love my desk, drab and gray, and love those paper piles each day.

I love my chair in my padded cell; there’s nothing else I love so well.

I love to work among my peers. I love their leers ‘n jeers ‘n sneers.

I love my computer and all its ware; I hug it often to show I care.

I love each program and every file; I even try using it once in a while.

I’m happy to be here, I am, I am…I’m the happiest slave to my Uncle Sam.

I love this work; I love these chores; I love the meetings with deadly bores.

I love my job AND I’ll say it again, I even love these friendly men:

These men who’ve come to visit today, in lovely white coats to take me away!

One Liner
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst, for they are sticking to their diets.

Thought for the day
“When people sin, you should forgive and comfort them, so they won’t give up in despair (2 Corinthians 2:7 CEV). 

We all need mercy, because we all stumble and fall and require help getting back on track. We need to offer mercy to each other and be willing to receive it from each other.

Why the Military can’t communicate with each other. . .

If you tell the Navy to secure a building, they will turn out the lights and lock the door.

If you tell the Army to secure a building, they will occupy it and forbid entry to those without a pass.

If you tell the Marines to secure a building, they assault with heavy fire, capture the building, fortify it and call for an air strike.

If you tell the Air Force to secure a building, they will negotiate a three year lease with an option to buy.

One Liner
“What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce.” – Mark Twain

Thought for the day
“I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for” (Jeremiah 29:11 MSG).

Does life sometimes seem like an endless rat race to you? Ask God to open your eyes and help you see his purpose for your life. God, who made you, has this to say about you: “I alone know the plans I have for you, plans to bring you prosperity and not disaster, plans to bring about the future you hope for” (Jeremiah 29:11 TEV).