A lawyer, doctor, and preacher went hunting together. When a prize buck ran past them they all fired at the exact same moment and the buck dropped.

However, there was only one bullet hole and they didn’t know which of them shot it. So they took it to the registration center, not knowing who should tag it.

The agent said, “Let me look at the deer. Sometimes I can figure it out.”

He asked a few questions, examined the deer carefully, and declared, “The preacher shot this buck!”

Amazed, they all asked how he knew. Stooping down he pointed out the wound, “See here. It went in one ear and out the other.”

One Liner
I used to work as a trapeze artist. Until I was let go.

Thought for the day
“‘Bring to the storehouse a full tenth of what you earn. . . . Test me in this,’ says the Lord All-Powerful. ‘I will open the windows of heaven for you and pour out all the blessings you need.’” Malachi 3:10 (NCV)

Handy Guide to Modern Science:

1. If it’s green or it wiggles, it’s Biology.

2. If it stinks, it’s Chemistry.

3. If it doesn’t work, it’s Physics.

One Liner
Q: Why happened when the cat swallowed a coin?
A: There was some money in the kitty!

Thought for the day
To change your perspective, the first thing you have to do is stop comparing yourself to others. The Bible says satisfaction comes from doing your best, not comparing yourself to others: “Let everyone be sure to do his very best, for then he will have the personal satisfaction of work done well and won’t need to compare himself with someone else” (Galatians 6:4 LB).

I didn’t know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was. She would tell me, and always she was correct. But it was fun for me, so I continued. At last she headed for the door, saying sagely, “Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these yourself!”

One Liner
I’m not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain. –Carol Leifer

Thought for the day
We can pray that our children will live for Christ joyfully: “I pray these things while I’m still in the world so that they will have the same joy that I have” (John 17:13b GW).

Little Ricky and his family were having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother’s house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When Little Ricky received his plate, he started eating right away. ‘Ricky! Please wait until we say our prayer.’ said his mother. ‘I don’t need to,’ the boy replied.. ‘Of course, you do,’ his mother insisted. ‘We always say a prayer before eating at our house.’ ‘That’s at our house,’ Ricky explained. ‘But this is Grandma’s house and she knows how to cook!’

One Liner
The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you’re off it.

Thought for the day
We can pray that our children will grow strong spiritually: “I’m not asking you to take them out of the world, but to keep them safe from the evil one” (John 17:15 NLT).

HIGHER POWER
A Sunday school teacher said to her children, ‘We have been learning how powerful kings and queens were in Bible times. But, there is a Higher Power. Can anybody tell me what it is?’ One child blurted out, ‘Aces!’

One Liner
Don’t worry about old age – it doesn’t last that long.

Thought for the day
We can pray that our children will serve Christ effectively: “Make them ready for your service through your truth; your teaching is truth” (John 17:17 NCV).

A married couple had been out shopping at the mall for most of the afternoon, suddenly, the wife realized that her husband had disappeared.

The somewhat irate spouse called her mate’s cell phone and demanded: “Where did you go???”

The husband calmly replied, “Darling, you remember that jewelry shop where you saw the diamond necklace and totally fell in love with it and I didn’t have money that time and I said, ‘Baby, it’ll be yours one day’?”

Wife, with a smile blushing, said, “Yes, I remember that, my love.”

“Well, I’m at the Home Depot next to that shop.”

One Liner
Research has determined that the shelf life of fruitcake is longer than the shelf.

Thought for the day
If you only love on and off like a light switch, you do not love others like God wants you to love. Jesus said, “If you only love those who love you, what credit is that to you?” (Luke 6:32a NIV)

His point is this: All of us can love those who love us back. Becoming a master lover means you learn to love the unlovable – when you love people who don’t love you, when you love people who irritate you, when you love people who stab you in the back or gossip about you.

RIDDLES FOR GARDENERS

(The answers are names of flowers.)

Answers in tomorrow’s Funny!

1. How might you describe a silent person?

2. Name for a lady who marries for riches.

3. Everyone has these on their face.

4. You might find one of these on a safari.

5. An appropriate gift for a banker.

6. A fastener on a single man’s coat.

7. A country of automobile lovers.

8. Good name for a guy’s biking club.

9. He’s an awfully sugary bill.

10. They’re the dairy best blooms.

11. A peevish fairytale creature.

12. A woman’s nightly footwear.

13. They hate to wait.

14. A fine looking jungle ruler.

15. Cross between a violin and a clarinet.

One Liner
Necessity is the mother of circumvention.

Thought for the day
“Wise people live in wealth and luxury, but stupid people spend their money as fast as they get it.” Proverbs 21:20 (TEV)

If we want God’s blessing on our finances, we must learn to save and invest for the future. We need to save regardless of income because the point is that God is teaching us to be disciplined and wise with our money. He is teaching us to live on less than we make each month so that we can intentionally put away some to save.

A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like: “We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods.” The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in. At last she said, “I sure wish I’d gotten to know you sooner!”

One Liner
“Don’t let anyone tell you you’re getting old – squash their toes with your rocker.”

Thought for the day
A servant must always be standing by for duty: “No soldier in active service entangles himself in the affairs of everyday life, so that he may please the one who enlisted him as a soldier” (2 Timothy 2:4 NASB).

If you only serve when it’s convenient for you, you’re not a real servant. Real servants do what’s needed, even when it’s inconvenient.