Musical instrument + Reindeer = Organ Donner

Really quiet + Armed crusader = Silent Knight

Snow + Frankenstein = Snowball Fright

Reindeer + Cow = Sleigh Bulls

Rope + December 24th = The Knot Before Christmas

Christmas carols + A dozen flowers = The 12 daisies of Christmas

Christmas carol + Money = Jingle Bills

The 25th of December + A girl’s name = A Christmas Carol

Telling Santa your wishes + Computer = Santa’s Laptop

Snowfall + Chinese cooking = Shovel the wok

One Liner
Never offend people with style if you can offend them with substance.

Thought for the day
God’s plan of action is summed up in the Great Commission: “Therefore, go and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Teach these new disciples to obey all the commands I have given you. And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age” (Matthew 28:19-20 NLT).

Did you know that according to the song, “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer”, Santa has twelve reindeer?

Sure, in the introduction it goes “There’s Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen, Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blitzen…” That makes eight reindeer.

Then there’s Rudolph, of course, so that makes nine.

Then there’s Olive. You know, “Olive the other reindeer used to laugh…” That makes ten.

The eleventh is Howe. You know, “Then Howe the reindeer loved him…” Eleven reindeer.

Oh, and number 12? That’s Andy! “Andy shouted out with glee.”

The proof is in the song!

One Liner
Never order barbecue in a restaurant where all the chairs match.

Thought for the day
We can have courage as we tell others about Jesus because the Holy Spirit is working through us. It doesn’t matter how well we talk or how educated we are because God inhabits our abilities: “When they saw the courage of Peter and John and realized that they were unschooled, ordinary men, they were astonished and they took note that these men had been with Jesus” (Acts 4:13 NIV).

A little boy, excited about his part in the Christmas play at school, came home and shouted, “I got a part in the Christmas play! I got a part in the Christmas play!”

“What part did you get?” asked his mother excitedly.

“I’m one of the three wise guys!”

One LINER

If athletes get athlete’s foot, what do astronauts get? Missile toe.

Thought for the day
Dear friends, let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is born of God and knows God. 1 John 4:7 (NLT)

Love is a skill that can be learned. In other words, it’s something you can get good at and that means you get better at love by practicing love.

Three phrases that sum up Christmas are: Peace on Earth; Goodwill to Men; and Batteries not included.

One LINER

He who has no Christmas in his heart will never find Christmas under a tree.

Thought for the day
While Peter was wondering about the meaning of the vision, the men sent by Cornelius found out where Simon’s house was and stopped at the gate. Acts 10:17 (NIV)

Oswald Chambers described God as the Great Engineer, creating circumstances to bring about moments in our lives of divine importance, leading us to such divine appointments.

When you stop believing in Santa Claus
is when you start getting clothes for Christmas.

One LINER
I told Santa you were good this year….and

He hasn’t stopped laughing since!

Thought for the day
At that time the Roman emperor, Augustus, decreed that a census should be taken throughout the Roman Empire. … All returned to their own towns to register for this census. (Luke 2:1, 3 NLT)

Can you believe it’s almost Christmas? Praise God for the gift of his Son, our Lord, Jesus Christ, who was born as a baby in Bethlehem!

Along with the sheep, cow and donkey, our nativity scene now has a new animal. A plump little teddy bear sits in the hay paying tribute to Baby Jesus.

Our children will tell you this addition is quite scriptural. As a beginning reader, Billy was thrilled to be able to read the Christmas story from the Bible for our family advent devotions. Although the verses did not flow from one line to another, we enjoyed listening to him read.

One night Billy read: “Behold, a virgin shall be with child and bear…”
“A bear?” my 3-year-old Nancy interrupted.
“We don’t have a bear in our manger,” 5-year-old Timmy said.
“Here, use mine,” offered Nancy, and she plopped her soft stuffed bear in the middle of the scene.
Then Billy continued to read: “… a son, and they shall call his name Immanuel.”

One Liner
One Sunday evening, I overheard my five-year-old daughter, Julie, practicing “Hark the Herald Angels Sing,” a song she’d been rehearsing that morning in church for next week’s Christmas program. It was all I could do to suppress my laughter when, in place of “with angelic host proclaim,” Julie sang, “with the jelly toast proclaim.”

Thought for the day
Psalm 95:1-2
Come, let us sing for joy to the Lord; let us shout aloud to the Rock of our salvation. Let us come before him with thanksgiving and extol him with music and song.

Joy knows no better explanation than laughter and song. We sing to the Lord because we are joyful! Our music is not inhibited or held back, but exuberant and as full of sound as it is of heart.

The students were led into the room. Each class, accompanied by their teacher. Then, each group, one by one, rose to perform their song. Those in the front row – center stage – held up large letters, one by one, to spell out the title of the song.

As the class was to sing “C is for Christmas,” a child would hold up the letter C. Then, “H is for Happy,” and on and on, until each child holding up his portion had presented the complete message, “Christmas Love.”

The performance was going smoothly, until suddenly, we noticed her; a small, quiet, girl in the front row holding the letter “M” upside down – totally unaware her letter “M” appeared as a “W”.

A hush came over the audience and eyes began to widen.

For when the last letter was held high, the message read loud and clear:

“C H R I S T W A S L O V E”

And I believe He still is.

One Liner
Why was Santa’s elf depressed?
He had low elf esteem.

Thought for the day
Christmas is not just a season, but it is a time specifically chosen by God for Jesus to come to earth: “But when the right time finally came, God sent his own Son.” (Galatians 4:4 TEV)

TOP 5 THINGS OVERHEAD ON THE WISE MEN’S JOURNEY TO BETHLEHEM

5. You know, I used to go to school with a girl name Beth Lehem.

4. What kind of name is Balthazar anyhow? Phoenician?

3. Hey, do you either of you know why “MYRRH” is spelled with a “Y” instead of a “U”?

2. Okay, who forgot to give their camel a bath before we left?

1. Whaddya mean we’ll be part of history? A year from now, nobody will have a clue why we did this.

One LINER
Q: What reindeer has the cleanest antlers?
A: Comet.

Thought for the day
God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it. Ephesians 2:8-9 (NLT)

God gives you what you need, not what you deserve. Grace is when God says, “I’m going to take your problem and make it my problem.” Grace is God’s Riches given to you At Christ’s Expense.