15 EXERCISES WE’D BE BETTER OFF WITHOUT IN 2025…

~ Jumping on the bandwagon

~ Running around in circles

~ Pushing your luck

~ Playing in traffic 

~ Spinning your wheels

~ Adding fuel to the fire

~ Beating your head against the wall

~ Climbing the walls

~ Beating your own drum

~ Dragging your heels

~ Jumping to conclusions

~ Grasping at straws

~ Fishing for compliments

~ Throwing your weight around

~ Passing the buck

One Liner

My goal for 2025 is to accomplish the goals of 2024 which I should have done in 2023 because I made a promise in 2022 and planned in 2021.

~ What does a pirate decorate his tree with? Gaaarrrrrland.

~ What do skunks sing at Christmas? Jingle Smells

~ What do you get if you cross an archer with gift wrap? Ribbon Hood

~ What do you call the fear of getting stuck while sliding down a chimney? Santa Claus-trophbia

~ Why was the computer so quiet on Christmas Eve? Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.

~ What is green, covered with tinsel, and goes ribbet ribbet? Mistle-toad!

~ What do you get when you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsilitis

~ What do you call a Christmas wreath made with $100 bills? Aretha Franklins

~ Where does Frosty, the Snowman, keep his money? In a snowbank.

~ When you open your credit card statements this January you will be warmly greeted: “I am the ghost of Christmas presents!”

~ What did Adam say on the day before Christmas? It’s Christmas, Eve!

~ How much did Santa pay for his sled? Nothing, it was on the house.

~ Why didn’t the wise men stop to water their camels? No well.

One Liner

I know. I know. People say, “It’s the thought that counts, not the gift,” but couldn’t people think a bit bigger?!

At my friends’ wedding reception, the groom stood to say a few words. He turned to his bride’s mother. “You’ve given me a gift,” he began, “a gift that…”

Here he paused with emotion, whereupon his mother-in-law completed the sentence, “That you can’t return!”

One Liner

Man blames fate for other accidents, but feels personally responsible when he makes a hole-in-one.

Stocking stuffers

One Christmas my husband put an assortment of beauty products in my stocking. I tried one of the facial masks, and was about to wash it off when my eight-year-old son, Callum, walked in. I explained to him that it was a present from his dad and it would make me beautiful.

He patiently waited by my side as I rinsed and patted my face dry.

“Well, what do you think?” I asked.

“Oh, Mom, it didn’t work!” Callum replied.

The Christmas Dinner

Young Jessica always wanted a dog for Christmas. She asked Santa at the mall, and she even put it on her wish list. When Christmas came, her mom handed her a huge box with holes. Excited, Jessica ripped it open, only to be disappointed to find a little potbelly pig.

Then Jessica asked her mom, “Why did Santa get me a pig?” From the kitchen, her dad yelled, “Oh, that’s my fault.”

“Why?” Jessica asked. Her father replied, “I asked Santa for a Christmas ham.”

“Here’s a king!” announced a three-year-old as he unwrapped a figurine from the Nativity scene.

“And here’s a donkey!” he added as he continued unpacking.

Removing tissue from the statue of the infant, molded permanently in his manger, the child exclaimed, “Here’s Baby Jesus in his car seat!”

One Liner

One snowman said to the other, “All our friends are flakes.”

One day during our children’s sermon, I was telling the kids about how the angel came to Mary to tell her about how she would help bring Jesus into the world.  One little girl seemed puzzled about this whole scene.  Then another child asked what I thought the first thing Mary would have asked for after the angel left her.  Instantly this little girl chimed in with “I’ll bet she asked for a little help from Joseph!”

The Three Gifts
After the Christmas pageant, I asked my 6-year-old son if he remembered the gifts that the Magi brought to Jesus. He thought for a minute then said “gold, frankincense, and humor”. We could all use that!

He who laughs …. lasts!!!