One day long ago, a Czechoslovakian came to visit his friend in New York. When asked what he wanted to see, the Czechoslovakian replied, “I would like to see one of the zoos in America.” 

To his delight, the New Yorker took him to the zoo. While they were touring the zoo, and standing in front of the gorilla cage, one of the gorillas busted out of the cage and swallowed the Czech whole.

Shocked, his friend from New York quickly called over the zoo keeper. He quickly explained the situation and ask the zoo keeper what he planned to do. The zoo keeper asked the man, “Okay, which gorilla did it? Was it the male or the female?” 

Pointing out the female as the culprit, the zoo keeper then opened up the mouth of the female, looked inside, but found no signs of the Czech. 

With which the man from New York shrugged and said, “Guess the Czech is in the male.”

One Liner

At my age, rolling out of bed in the morning is the easy part. Getting off the floor is a while other story.

A woman had an attack of laryngitis and lost her voice completely for two days.

To help her communicate, her husband devised a system of taps.

One tap meant “Give me a kiss,” two taps meant “Yes,” seven taps meant “No,” and 95 taps meant “Take out the garbage.” 

One Liner

It’s probably my age that tricks people into thinking I’m an adult.

Two friends were having lunch when one began choking. The other ran quickly behind his friend, yanked down his friend’s trousers, and licked the right butt of his bottom. 

The choking man coughed up his food in shock and said, “What was that, man?!” 

His friend said, “The hiney-lick maneuver. Works every time!”

One Liner

When I get to where I’m going, will somebody please tell me where I am?

Me: {sobbing my heart out, eyes swollen, nose red) “I can’t see you anymore. I am NOT going to let you hurt me like that again!”

Trainer: It was a sit up. You did one sit up.

One Liner

What’s a perfect gift for a person who has everything? Storage space.

Each day I try to enjoy something from each of the four food groups:  

– The bonbon group

– The salty-snack group

– The caffeine group

– The “What-ever-the-thing-in-the-tinfoil-in-the-back-of-the-fridge-is”

One Liner

What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.