When the doctor asked Chuck about what he did yesterday, he told him about his day: “Well, yesterday afternoon, I waded across the edge of a lake, escaped from a mountain lion in the heavy brush, marched up and down a mountain, stood in a patch of poison ivy, crawled out of quicksand, and jumped away from an aggressive rattlesnake.”

Inspired by his story, the doctor exclaimed, “Chuck, you must be an awesome outdoorsman!”

“No,” Chuck replied, “I’m just a lousy golfer.”

One Liner
“Time’s fun when you’re having flies.” (Kermit the Frog)

Thought for the day
“Accept each other just as Christ has accepted you so that God will be given glory” Romans 15:7 NLT

Did you know that every time you show love, it gives glory to God? Because God is love, and glory is revealing what God is really like.

The two window panes were arguing as to which one was made of the better glass.

One said to the other, “Well, you may think you are a better glass, but I know what you are trying to prove. Believe me, I can see right through you.”

One Liner
It’s been lovely but I have to scream now.

Thought for the day
“Whoever is faithful in small matters will be faithful in large ones; whoever is dishonest in small matters will be dishonest in large ones.” (Luke 16:10 GNT)

A common saying today is that “what you do in your private life is nobody’s business.” Well, it actually is. What you do in your private life — what you do behind closed doors or out of view of other people — builds and reveals your true character. And God sees it just as clearly as the things you do in public.

A social worker who had recently transferred from the big city to the mountains was touring her new territory. She came upon the tiniest cabin she had ever seen. Intrigued, she knocked on the door.

“Anybody home?”

A child’s voice answered, “Yep.”

“Is your father there?”

“Pa? Nope, he left before Ma came in.”

“Well, is your mother there?”

“Nope, Ma left just before I got here.”

“Are you never together as a family?”

“Sure, but not here. This is the outhouse!”

One Liner
“Biscuits and sermons both improve with shortening.”

Thought for the day
The Bible says in 1 Peter 4:10, “God has given each of you a gift from his great variety of spiritual gifts. Use them well to serve one another”.

When you use your abilities to help each other, God is glorified.

The boy forgot his lines in the Sunday School music and drama presentation. His mother, sitting in the front row tried to prompt him, gesturing and forming the words silently with her lips, but it didn’t help. Her son’s memory was blank.

Finally she leaned forward and whispered the cue, “I am the light of the world.”

The child beamed with acknowledgment and in a loud, clear voice so that everyone in the congregation could hear said, “My Mommy is the light of the world.”

One Liner
Living on Earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around the Sun.

Thought for the day
I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. Philippians 4:11 (NIV)

The Bible teaches we can have contentment “whatever the circumstances”, when we stay close to Jesus. The contentment we find in Jesus is greater than anything the world has to offer. We need not be troubled or afraid when we look for our contentment in Jesus.

BABY NAME IDEAS, Part 2

Based on your occupation!

PROFESSION……………………NAME

Cattle thief’s son…………….Russell
Painter’s son…………………Art
Iron worker’s son……………..Rusty
TV show star’s daughter………..Emmy
Movie star’s son………………Oscar
Barber’s son………………….Harry
Housewife’s son ………………Dusty
Minister’s daughter …………..Faith
Day-trader’s daughter …………Hope
Televangelist’s daughter ………Charity
IRS agent’s daughter ………….Mony
Geneticist’s son ……………..Gene
Espresso vendor’s son …………Joe
Undertaker’s son ……………..Barry
Beautician’s son ……………..Curly
Gardener’s son ……………….Moe
Florist’s daughter ……………Rose

One Liner
“It’s not a bug – it’s just an undocumented feature”

Thought for the day
“Pursue forgiveness, not innocence.” – Max Lucado

BABY NAME IDEAS, Part 1

Based on your occupation!

PROFESSION……………………NAME

Lawyer’s daughter……………..Sue

Thief’s son…………………..Rob

Lawyer’s son………………….Will

Doctor ‘s son…………………Bill

Meteorologist’s daughter……….Haley

Steam shovel operator’s son…….Doug

Hair stylist’s son…………….Bob

Homeopathic doctor’s son……….Herb

Justice of the peace’s daughter…Mary

Sound stage technician’s son……Mike

Hot-dog vendor’s son…………..Frank

Gambler’s daughter…………….Bette

Exercise guru’s son……………Jim

One Liner
“If vegetarians love animals so much, why do they eat all their food?”

Thought for the day
Don’t act thoughtlessly, but understand what the Lord wants you to do. Ephesians 5:17 (NLT)

Here’s the key: God’s will for your life begins with a friendship. God is far more interested in having you establish a relationship with him than he is interested in having you follow a set of rules.

Once upon a time an evil king captured a beautiful princess and held her hostage in his high tower. Though she was very beautiful he forced her to wear a disgusting and smelly burlap dress.

“You’ll never get away with this,” she cried. “Some brave knight will rescue me!”

“Not in that old, dirty thing,” the evil king replied.

She waited day and night, but it was just as the king predicted. Every knight that saw her in the window of the high tower was scared away by her disgustingly dirty dress. After many months the princess broke down crying and the evil king taunted her:

“You see? I told you no knight would rescue a damsel in this dress!”

One Liner
“Wisdom is not a product of schooling but the product of the lifelong attempt to acquire it.” – Albert Einstein

Thought for the day
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and He will make your paths straight.” (Psalm 3:5-6 NIV)

God doesn’t promise to make your life perfect and problem-free. Instead, he promises to give you the life you’ve always been meant to have. Only God can do that.