If you’re a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could get used to that.

And another thing; before you hibernate, you’re supposed to eat yourself stupid. That wouldn’t bother me either.

If you’re a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business; you swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them, too.

Also, your husband expects you to growl when you wake up. He expects you to have hairy legs and excess body fat. He likes it.

I wish I were a bear.

One Liner
Cholesterophobia: The fear of frying.

Thought for the day
“God caused the Bible to be written for the express purpose of revealing to man God’s plan for redemption. God caused this Book to be written that He might make His everlasting laws clear to His children, and that they might have His great wisdom to guide them and His great love to comfort them as they make their way through life. For without the Bible, this world would indeed be a dark and frightening place, without signpost or beacon.” – Billy Graham

I was at the drug store to pick up my prescription. The line wasn’t clearly formed, and there was an old man with a cane nearby me. It was unclear as to who was next.

When we got to the front of the line, the man gestured to me and said, “After you.”

I smiled at him and said, “No, please, after you. I have all day.”

Then he said, “No. You go ahead. My doctor says I have at least six months.”

One Liner
All I ask is a chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.

Thought for the day
The Bible says in Colossians 3:16, “Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly” (NIV). Paul is telling us to let the Bible take up residence in our lives in a rich, profound, and life-giving way.

In an upscale pet-supply store, a customer wanted to buy a red sweater for her dog. The clerk suggested that she bring her dog in for a proper fit.

“I can’t do that!” the lady said. “The sweater is a surprise!”

One Liner
“How strange that Nature does not knock, and yet does not intrude!”
~ Emily Dickinson

Thought for the day
“Faith like Job’s cannot be shaken because it is the result of having been shaken.” – Abraham Heschel

Lady Astor once said to Winston Churchill at a party, “Sir, if you were my husband, I would put poison in your tea.” To which Churchill retorted, “And Madame, if you were my wife, I would drink it!”

One Liner
Everyone should have a spouse, because there are a number of things that go wrong that one can’t blame on the government.

Thought for the day
“Be quick to listen, slow to speak …” James 1:19a

Give it your full attention. Be alert. Don’t miss it. “… slow to speak …” When I’m talking, I’m not listening. God gave us two ears and one mouth so we ought to listen twice as much as we talk. Many of our problems are caused because we’re quick to speak rather than being quick to listen. Be careful in your attitude. Be ready. Be intent. Be ready to receive God’s word. Be careful.

A man hasn’t been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. Afterward, the doctor comes out with the results.
“I’m afraid I have some very bad news,” the doctor says. “You’re dying, and you don’t have much time left.”
“Oh, that’s terrible!” says the man.
“How long have I got?”
“Ten,” the doctor says sadly.
“Ten?” the man asks. “Ten what? Months? Weeks? What?!”
“Nine…”

One Liner
“I’m going to win,” said Bette.

Thought for the day
Wise people live in wealth and luxury, but stupid people spend their money as fast as they get it. Proverbs 21:20 (TEV)

There is a question you can ask yourself that will help you save more money: “Do I really need this?”

WIFE’S DIARY:

Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn’t flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn’t say much.

I asked him what was wrong; He said, “Nothing…” I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn’t upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can’t explain his behavior. I don’t know why he didn’t say, “I love you, too.”

When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep; I cried. I don’t know what to do. I’m almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

HUSBAND’S DIARY:

A two-foot putt … WHO misses a stupid two-foot putt!

One Liner
The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it’s just sort of a tired feeling.

Thought for the day
“If you … know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!” (Matthew 7:11 NIV)

God is the source of everything. Everything you see in the world and everything you can’t see in the world and in the universe, God made. He’s the source of every good thing in the universe.