Tow Request
The minister’s car wouldn’t start and so he called the garage to come and tow it in for repairs. When the truck driver appeared at his house to get the car, the minister says, “I hope you go easy on me. You know I’m only a poor preacher.”

“I know,” replied the tow truck driver… “I’ve heard you preach.”

One LINER
“It is bad to suppress laughter; it goes back down and spreads to your hips.”

Thought for the day
Proverbs 22:24 says, “Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered” (NIV).

Do you know why? Because uncontrolled anger reveals deep insecurity and low self-worth.

Dog Employee

A salesman dropped in to see a business customer. Not a soul was in the office except a big dog emptying wastebaskets. The salesman stared at the animal, wondering if his imagination could be playing tricks on him. The dog looked up and said, “Don’t be alarmed. This is just part of my job.”

“Incredible!” exclaimed the man. “I can’t believe it! Does your boss know what a prize he has in you? An animal that can talk!”

“No, no,” pleaded the dog. “Please don’t! If that man finds out I can talk, he’ll make me answer the phone, too!”

One Liner
“A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.”

Thought for the day
Do not be interested only in your own life, but be interested in the lives of others” (Philippians 2:4 NCV).

The starting point of building great friendships is investing your time and energy. Deep friendships are not accidental. They are not instant. And they are not cheap.

Golf Lesson

This fellow’s wife was constantly nagging him to teach her to play golf.

Finally, one morning he relented and off they went. The first hole was a par 3, 179 yards, and very pretty. The husband stepped up first and said, “Now watch me, and do the same thing.” He hit a beautiful shot and landed on the green with about 30 feet to the cup.

The wife stepped up, drilled her ball, causing it to hook, ricochet off a tree, bounce off a rock and roll up onto the green – dropping into the cup.

The husband looked at this, and said, “OK, now you know how to play, let’s go home.”

One Liner
“Okay, I have a million awesome clip art images. Now what?”

Thought for the day
Cornelius’ family in the book of Acts: “He and all his family were devout and God-fearing; he gave generously to those in need and prayed to God regularly” (Acts 10:2 NIV).

What a great legacy! Wouldn’t you like to have people writing that about you and your family one day?

The Front Pew
An elderly woman walked into the local country church. The friendly usher greeted her at the door and helped her up the flight of steps.

“Where would you like to sit?” he asked politely.
“The front row please,” she answered.
“You really don’t want to do that,” the usher said. “The pastor is really boring.”
“Do you happen to know who I am?” the woman inquired.
“No,” he said.

“I’m the pastor’s mother,” she replied indignantly.
“Do you know who I am?” he asked.
“No,” she said.
“Good,” he answered, “Let me show you the front pew.”

One Liner
“In those times I can’t seem to find God, I rest in the assurance He knows how to find me.”

Thought for the day
Let us think about each other and help each other to show love and do good deeds” (Hebrews 10:24 NCV).

Awesome families teach their kids that they’re not the center of the universe. They teach their kids that God made them and shaped them for a mission.

Not real smart!

Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home.

Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them.

It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing.

One LINER
Reason Eve was created ….. God knew that Adam would never be able to make a doctor’s, dentist or haircut appointment for himself.

Thought for the day
“Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and man” (Luke 2:52 NIV).

Awesome families encourage growth. They create an atmosphere of lifelong learning. They help each other develop. They encourage the discovery of each person’s spiritual gifts and abilities.

“Give me a sentence about a public servant,” said a teacher.

The small boy wrote: “The fireman came down the ladder pregnant.”

The teacher took the lad aside to correct him: “Don’t you know what pregnant means?” she asked.

“Sure,” said the young boy confidently. “It means carrying a child.

One LINER
Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.

Thought for the day
Psalm 32:8
I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; 
I will counsel you and watch over you.

God’s teaching is available if we will listen and obey.

”Guardian Angel”

A woman is walking on the road and a voice shouts out, “Don’t take a step further.”

She obeys and suddenly a ton of bricks fall on the place where she would have otherwise been.

She thinks she imagined it and keeps walking until suddenly the voice calls out again. “Don’t take a step further.”

She stops and a car skids past. Then suddenly she hears the voice saying “I am your guardian angel, and I will warn you before something bad happens to you. Now do you have any questions to ask me?”

Yes! shouts the woman, “Just where were you on my wedding day!

One LINER
Always be yourself because the people that matter don’t mind, and the ones who mind, don’t matter.

Thought for the day
Psalm 22:7
Some trust in chariots and some in horses, 
but we trust in the name of the Lord our God.

May our trust and confidence be in the name of the Lord and not in own power or possessions.  Our power is in the name of the Lord!

A three-year-old found his dad’s military identification tag and asked his mother what it was.

His mother replied, “It’s your father’s dog tag.”
The child then asked, “When was daddy a dog?”

One Liner
Bad habits are like a comfortable bed, easy to get into, but hard to get out of.” – Anonymous

Thought for the day
Acts 24:24-25 Several days later Felix came with his wife Drusilla, who was a Jewess. He sent for Paul and listened to him as he spoke about faith in Christ Jesus.  As Paul discoursed on righteousness, self‑control and the judgment to come, Felix was afraid and said, “That’s enough for now! You may leave. When I find it convenient, I will send for you.”

Paul spoke for Christ no matter where he was – here in prison he spoke for Christ before the Governor and his wife. Knowing full well the Governor could release him – yet Paul still focused on sharing the gospel and not thinking of himself. Who are we focused on today?

THREE SIGNS THAT YOU ARE NO LONGER A KID

1. Naps are good.
2. Your parents’ jokes are funny.
3. When things go wrong, you can’t just yell “Do-over!”

One LINER
Silence is often misinterpreted, but never misquoted.

Thought for the day
Acts 23:1
Paul looked straight at the Sanhedrin and said, “My brothers, I have fulfilled my duty to God in all good conscience to this day.

Paul looked them in the eye and gave a BOLD word for God. May we be so bold!!

One day I hopped in a taxi and we took off for the airport. We were driving in the right lane when suddenly a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us.

My taxi driver slammed on his brakes, skidded, and missed the other car by just inches! The driver of the other car whipped his head around and started yelling at us. My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And I mean, he was really friendly.

So I asked, “Why did you just do that? That guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!”

This is when my taxi driver taught me what I now call, “The Law of the Garbage Truck.”

He explained that many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage — frustration, anger, disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it and sometimes they’ll dump it on you.

Don’t take it personally. Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on.

Don’t take their garbage and spread it to other people at work, at home, or on the streets.

The bottom line is that successful people do not let garbage trucks take over their day. Love the people who treat you right. Pray for the ones who don’t.

Life is ten percent what you make it and ninety percent how you take it!

One LINER
If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.

eWORD of the DAY
Acts 26:24
That was too much for Festus. He interrupted with a shout: “Paul, you’re crazy! You’ve read too many books, spent too much time staring off into space! Get a grip on yourself, get back in the real world!”

When you sell out to Jesus others will think you are crazy – checked out – not in touch – but the opposite is true! You are not crazy. Your both accurate and sane saying Jesus is the Way!