Category Archives: Uncategorized

Humor – July 13

July 13, 2021humor, Uncategorizedmikeshumor

In a spy novel I had just read, the hero hid a letter in a particular statue in Washington, D.C.

Since I was in that city at the time, on a whim I decided to see if the statue really contained the small niche the author had described.

To my great surprise, it did — and a cellophane-wrapped letter was inside. After a moment’s hesitation, I pulled out the letter, opened it, and burst into laughter.

An unidentified reader had penned, “Good book, wasn’t it?”

One Liner
Nothing is so embarrassing as watching someone do something that you said couldn’t be done.

Happy July 4th

May 31

Merry Christmas

December 25, 2020Uncategorizedmikeshumor

Humor – November 25

November 25, 2020humor, Uncategorizedmikeshumor

THINGS TO DO TO LIVEN UP THANKSGIVING DINNER

1. Load your plate up high, then take it to the kitchen, toss it all in the blender, and take your “shake” back to the table. Announce that it’s the new Thanksgiving Weight Loss Shake.

2. When everyone goes around to say what they are thankful for, say, “I’m thankful I didn’t get caught,” and refuse to say anything more

3. Bring along old recorded football games, pop them in the DVD when Dad’s not looking. Make sure it is set to the last two minutes of the game. When he comes into the room, turn off the DVD and turn on the regular TV.

4. Bring a date that only talks about the tragic and abusive conditions known to exist at turkey farms.

5. During mid-meal turn to mom and say, “See mom, I told you they wouldn’t notice that the turkey was past the expiration date. You were worried for nothing.”

One Liner
I hope life isn’t a big joke, because I don’t get it.

Humor – November 24

November 24, 2020Uncategorizedmikeshumor

The strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen.

After several minutes, the older worker had had enough. “Why don’t you put your money where your mouth is,” he said. “I’ll bet a week’s wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won’t be able to wheel back.”

“You’re on, old-timer,” the braggart replied. “Let’s see what you got.”

The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, “All right. Get in.”

One Liner
I bought some powdered water, but I didn’t know what to add.

Humor – November 23

November 23, 2020Uncategorizedmikeshumor

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn’t find one big enough for her family.

She asked a stock boy, “Do these turkeys get any bigger?”

The stock boy replied, “No ma’am, they’re dead.”

One Liner
Asked to write a composition entitled, “What I’m thankful for on Thanksgiving,” little Johnny wrote, “I’m thankful that I’m not a turkey.”

Humor – October 30

October 30, 2020humor, Uncategorizedmikeshumor

On a recent flight, an airhead passenger kept peering out the window. Since it was totally dark, all the airhead could see was the blinking wing-tip light and rang for the flight attendant.

“I’m sorry to bother you, but I think you should inform the pilot that his left-turn indicator is on and has been for some time.”

One Liner
You wouldn’t know an act of kindness if it hit you in the face.

Humor – September 25

September 25, 2020Uncategorizedmikeshumor

A couple had been married for 25 years and were celebrating their 60th birthdays, which fell on the same day. During the celebration a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple for all 25 years, she would give them one wish each.

The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her hand, and Boom! She had the tickets in her hand.

Next, it was the husband’s turn. He paused for a moment, then said shyly, “Well, I’d like to have a wife 30 years younger than me.”

The fairy picked up her wand, and Boom! He was ninety.

One Liner
Do you realize how many holes there could be if people would just take the time to take the dirt out of them?

Humor – September 18

September 18, 2020Uncategorizedmikeshumor

We took the family to one of those restaurants where the walls are plastered with movie memorabilia. I went off to see the hostess about reserving a table.

When I returned, I found my 11-year-old daughter staring at a poster of Superman, standing in a phone booth. She looked puzzled.

“She doesn’t know who Superman is?” I whispered to my husband.

“Worse,” he replied. “She doesn’t know what a phone booth is.”

One Liner
After the Sunday school teacher told the story of the Prodigal Son to the class, she asked, “Was anyone sorry when the Prodigal Son returned?”

One boy answered, “The fatted calf.”